The Captains Log, Stardate: The Year of the Rat

The year is ending, and this venture is just beginning.
I'm The Captain, and most of you reading at the time I am writing this either know me, or know me by proxy.

I do arts of both the traditional and the computer generated varieties, and with any luck I will have some free time in which to write some proper articles and, hopefully, design a decent logo for us so you can all spend copious amounts of money buying T-shirts and coffee mugs with a nifty little design on them.

Alas, for today my attention span is such that I can only muster a series of tiny articles, otherwise I will most likely deviate and/or ramble.

And so, we begin!

The Legend of Sonic: Twilight Hedgehog

You've all seen the ads. It's a Sonic game with roughly the same premise as Twilight Princess; In the sunlight you are Sonic the Hedgehog (Link), and the game plays exactly as you expect a Sonic (Zelda) game to play, but in the Twilight areas, you turn into a Werehog(?) (Wolf) and therein game deviates.

Oddly enough, though, this game feels more like a Sonic game than either Sonic Adventure or Sonic Heroes.
The Daytime (Sonic) levels are all about speed; you run fast and jump and hit the shortcuts as much as possible, instead of "Find the lost goddamn Pokemon ripoff" or "Hey, how 'bout you don't get to play as Sonic for about seven levels?"
The Nighttime (Werehog) levels are something akin to a kiddie version of Ninja Gaiden; you beat the living Bejeezus out of everything to work your way to the goal while collecting glowing orbs that can give you health, special attacks or upgrades. Yeah there's some basic puzzles, and some jumping about, but nothing so complex a twelve year old with Downs Syndrome wouldn't be able to complete it sooner or later.

At least Sega didn't try to make Sonic the Hedgehog shoot-'em-up.
Oh, wait...

Dick Cheese

I am of course referring to the front man for the lounge piano cover band Lounge Against the Machine, you gutter-minded fool.
You've all probably heard, if nothing else, his famous cover of the "Milkshake song," but I must insist you at least make an attempt to listen to some of his other works.

Dick's major drawing point is his adamant antithesis to the original song, turning U2's "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" into an upbeat Samba, and Metallica's "Enter Sandman" into a jazzy lullaby, complete with the tune of Pat Ballard's "Mr. Sandman" as an a Capella counter-melody.

Go check them out; you'll find a cover of at least one song you like, and you'll enjoy it, too.

Dogs

I prefer cats.


Karma

Yeah, I'm reviewing a goddamn supernatural force. I'm just that hard core.
You all know how it works; What goes around comes around and all that jazz.

I'm not saying Karma's real, but I certainly am not one to rule out the possibility, since I gave my last couple dollars to a homeless guy earlier, then got a ten dollar tip from one guy earlier, when I usually only pull in four or five bucks total by the end of my shift.
Conversely, the bank that screwed me over for BS overdraft fees had to send me an unexpected cheque last week for an unrelated matter.
So yeah, I'd like to think that there's something up there ensuring comeuppance.

Karma gets 2 Thumbs Up if you're a pretty OK guy, and 2 Thumbs Down if you're a dick.

Christmas

Or X-mas, if you're an Atheist who really wants to bastardise someone else's holiday.

I know this doesn't apply everywhere, but it really doesn't feel like Christmas Eve (which it is, at the time of writing). There's not many decorations up in my neighbourhood, my family is out of the country for a couple weeks and, being situated in Florida, it is hot enough to be Summer.
Seriously. I got a sunburn today. A freaking sunburn. In Winter.
But Christmas Eve it is, and in 5 hours and 20 minutes, it will be Christmas.

All in all, I give the holiday a 9 out of 10, because it's something anyone can celebrate, whether for the intended purpose or not. Whether you celebrate by going to midnight mass and praying, or simply by spending time with your family, I'm fairly certain Jesus wouldn't mind non-Christians using his name as a reason to be generous and kind

And I don't want to hear about over-commercialisation. Would any of you genuinely rather sit around with your congregation and sing hymns in Latin than spend time with your family getting presents that have absolutely nothing to do with Jesus or the worshipping thereof?
If so, can you spare a minute to discuss the Church of the Latter Day Saints? We have a Magazine.

No offense to Jehovah's Witnesses.

Ninja

Little bitches need to realise that Pirates are way sexier.

Yes Man

Jim Carrey's return to form was far better than expected, and the trailers promised quite a bit already.

Most people I've talked to got the impression that it was essentially the same as "Liar Liar."
It is, in fact, as similar as it could possibly be to "Liar Liar" whilst simultaneously being completely different.

The film is the quintessential Carrey flick; slapstick humour, a bit of romance, and something of a moral at the end, but the crucial family element of "Liar Liar" is removed, leaving it much more open to the in-your-face comedy seen in films like "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective," with a great supporting cast including Danny Masterson, or Hyde from "That 70's Show" as you all probably know him, and Rhys Darby, Murray the Manager from the HBO series of "Flight of the Conchords."

I say if you go to the movies and want a decent comedy movie, go see it. It's not the piss-yourself-laughing comedy of "The Mask," but it's not the message-heavy semi-comedy of "Bruce Almighty" either. It's a nice little happy medium.
Enjoy.

Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia

The hardest Castlevania game in a long time, C:OoE is also the best released since Aria of Sorrow.
A unique system for weapons and spells, combined with a deviation from the traditional layout for "levels" and the first proper female protagonist in a Castlevania game make this game worth buying even disregarding the actual content.
At least, if you're a big fan of Castlevania.

If you aren't, the game is worthwhile because it's fun. Weird little side-quests assigned by quirky villagers, dialogue that probably wasn't written by a thirteen year old this time, a truly kick-ass musical score, graphics that belie its hand held vessel, and, most importantly, levels that present a genuine challenge whilst also providing the ability to complete the challenges, without grinding for experience for hours or hunting for some obscure key in an area four levels back; these elements all make the game worthwhile.

Plus, a hot girl recommended it to me, so I figured it would be worth checking out.

9/10, Gentlemen.

Blogger

I approve. Spell Check doesn't feel the need to attempt to correct me when I use the British spellings of words. Thank you, Google, for being far more tolerant than Facebook.

End

That's it, friends!
Was it enjoyable for you? Because I have no intention of using this format again.
Hopefully you're all content with the others' reviews, because I probably won't post more frequently than once a fortnight, since I am so damn busy all the time.
Enjoy Life, Hombres.

-Captain Nigel