Abbreviewations: Summer Movies May

Hello, I know I have not posted much, but I have been rather busy and my laptop died a month or so ago. I have been on a desktop since then but never got around to logging in. I figured I would post my thoughts on the summer movies that I saw last month during May.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I really enjoyed this movie, the action was fun and for me who has never read the comics much it was interesting to see the past of one of the characters from the x-men movies. I know this may not follow the comics very well (or it may) but as I said I have not read them. My biggest complaint is that Ryan Reynolds only is in the first ten or so minutes of the movie and then when he supposedly reappears they have sewn his mouth shut. Other than that I enjoyed it. The ending I got to see after the credits was a big disappointment, and I wish they could have given something more worth sitting through the credits at all theaters instead of just some. I understand them trying to combat the "leak" but while the movie was good I do not feel it was worth seeing multiple times for a 15 second clip and only seems to me to be a move of greed to try and get those who actually care enough to spend another 9 dollars

Star Trek

I remember growing up watching episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation with my dad, and when I caught episodes of DS9 or Voyager I enjoyed them. In fact I own the DVDs of The Next Generation. Despite all this I have never liked  the original series. After hearing about the train wreck (although I have not seen and cannot confirm) of Nemesis, I hear about a new Star Trek Movie in the works. Then I hear about the fact that it will follow the original crew before they became the crew. I will admit that for a bit there I was iffy about the new movie. I started seeing the trailers and as Alex put it even not being a fan of the original crew I wanted to see it. Well I sit here after having seen it three times now and I say it was an excellent movie and worth seeing. I will admit when I was hanging out with friends going to see it I debated (since it would be my third viewing) fearing I would be bored during parts. I wasn't I was as enthralled (not accurate but closest I can think of right now) as much as I was the first two times. While I was originally worried about Sylar playing Spock, Zachary Quinto was so perfect that I can't think of a better actor for the part now. Many reviewers complain about the part of the story with Leonard Nimoy reprising his role as Spock Prime (as he is listed in the credits), but I find this a crucial part of the movie and it is just great to see Leonard Nimoy. Without Spock Prime the story of the movie does not fit with the already set up Star Trek Universe and would not be able to truly take the name. 

Angels & Demons

What many people do not fully realize, is that Angels & Demons came out and is set before The DaVinci Code, the thing is that the DaVinci Code got so much more press that they decided to make a movie of it first. The movie clearly did well enough that they decided to go ahead and make the other book in the series into a movie. Thankfully they did not try to reset the world and pretend the first movie had not happened, leading to one of the many changes from the book that are there. But the changes work for turning it into a movie and making it decent. Although (as is almost always the case) the book is better I enjoyed the movie, the downplay of CERN and the assassin are both acceptable although I felt the assassin seemed barely developed, but I can't see how they could have done better in a movie situation. I feel the change with the murdered CERN scientist/priest (although his being a priest is barely mentioned if at all, the biggest sign I noticed was he had on the collar at the beginning) to just Vittoria's partner, instead of her adoptive father is a bit questionable, it does not hinder the movie enough. Overall I felt it was worth watching although it might be better for a rent instead of the theater for most. I have to say my biggest question about the whole thing is why the magazines are claiming it to be a church movie, when it really has nothing to do with the church except that many of the main characters are heavily involved with it and it takes place there.

Terminator: Salvation

Fun explosive movie, lots of booms and gunfire, the biggest things that (only slightly) hinder the movie for me actually have little to do with the movie. The "big twist" of the movie is revealed in the trailers, otherwise the opening scenes would not work as the opener, essentially revealing that the character there is not fully human anymore. The movie to me shows why the whole series exists in that the machines do not understand the humans very well, which is why they keep losing the fight and need to try to change things. For those who were looking for the end of the series will be disappointed. The biggest questions I have are where does this fit in line with the other entries in the Terminator world, which ones are still valid which are not and where does this truly fall. I know it falls after Judgement day, but before the catalyst for Terminator, but does T3: Rise of the Machines count, or did judgement day happen some other way. I do know they have a chance to make at least one more, although that does not necessarily mean the series would have to end, the machines send a Terminatorback to try to tip the scales in their favor, but what happened to the resistance after they sent Kyle.

Well that is what I have seen this past month the last week (29th) did not have anything I really wanted to see, although I might see Up at some point, and Drag Me to Hell is only minimally tempting because Alison Lohman looks really beautiful to me in it, but I have never relly liked Horror

Thoughts on Punch-Out

It's about 11 minutes after 10 PM on Friday, May 29th, and well, right now, I just can't get my mind off of Punch-Out for the Nintendo Wii. I'm sure you don't want me to go and just praise every corner of this game like a lot of sites have done. Unlike a lot of recent Wii titles (MadWorld, eh-hem), this game seems to me getting exposure. Granted, it is a first party Nintendo title, but that doesn't excuse the fact that some games on the Wii just never seem to get the recognition they deserve.

I'm here to say that Punch-Out deserves every bit of attention it gets. I can't say the game is for everyone, but I know the game is certainly for me.

Developer "Next Level Games" is the same team that brought us "Super Mario Strikers" and "Mario Strikers Charged" on the GC and Wii. I personally love all of the Mario sports games, but soccer is my favorite sport outside of the Mushroom Kingdom, so of course those are my favorites. That being said, I will admit that those games can be challenging. Especially Strikers Charged on the Wii; some of the challenges the game had to unlock a few cheats were near impossible, and (un)fortunately, that difficultly rears it's head once again in Punch-Out.

Some people like a difficult game, so that can be a good thing, depending on how you look at it. I like a fine middle ground, and for the most part, this game achieves that.

A lot of people seem to be ripping on the motion controls in the game, and to be honest, I don't get why. The classic control scheme is available by holding the Wii remote sideways, and that's cool and all, but I just think the motion controls are way better. I've heard some people say that they seem unresponsive, and well...no. They respond just fine. It is easier with the remote, because it's much quicker to press the 1 and 2 buttons than it is do all the motions, but is it necessarily more fun? I don't think so.

Either control scheme you go with, the controls do feel great. I stuck with the motion controls and I made it all the way through Career and I'm working my way up Title Defense mode right now. I have no issues yet. There is the option of using the Wii Balance Board, and well...I should give it a try, but I just haven't. I heard a lot of people say that it just doesn't work that well. Honestly, I just don't feel like giving it a try. Call me lazy, but, I like dodging with the control stick just fine.

The music is AWESOME! One really cool thing is hearing how familiar it all sounds. Not only is the original Punch-Out theme redone a number of times with different instruments, but you can hear some of the sound effects and guitars and such from the Mario Striker games, and those games had great music.

And have I said just how cool Little Mac is? I think I look like him. OK, OK, I just want someone else to make that parallel so I had to say it myself. Sorry, I'm lame. But seriously, this game has just SO MANY cool moments. In between rounds, Doc Louis will just drop some of the best lines. Sometimes he really does help you out, and sometimes he just lets you know that his favorite flavor of protein shake is chocolate. And really, it's always great! You can even press the minus button once during a fight and Doc Louis will pull out a chocolate bar and eat it, giving Mac a health boost. Who thought of that? That's so cool.

It's the little things that Punch-Out does that makes it a classic. I love love love the NES version, but this version is my favorite. In fact, it's one of my favorite Wii titles ever, and that should mean something from a guy with over 30 Wii titles in his collection.

Little Mac changes outfits as you go up through the ranks. You get to see him wearing a green outfit with a blank top, a navy blue outfit with light blue trim, and even a gold outfit with red, white, and blue shorts.

Did I mention that there are cut scenes between fights going into the lives of your opponents? You get to see Glass Joe posing with a big loaf of bread in France. You get to see Bear Hugger beating up some bears. You get to see Von Kaiser reading a newspaper about Little Mac winning the WVBA World Title. There are a ton of them.

And for all the humor the game has, it totally gets you pumped up with it's attitude. It's like watching a Rocky movie. Seeing Little Mac go to town on a punching bag and chasing after Doc Louis on his bike just makes me want to go get a gym membership and start doing crunches.

Some people would say that this title isn't worth $50 dollars. I say it's worth more than that, but I would also say that it's value varies depending on what the game would mean to you. I know that's no help, but hear me out. Do you like boxing? Did you like the original Punch-Out? If you answered yes to either question, you could easily drop the money for this game and you will get more than your money's worth out of the purchase.

If you hate the Rocky movies and you're looking for a game with a lot of story, a lot of innovation, and mind blowing motion controls, this game probably won't be up your alley. However, I can't stress enough just how friendly this game can be to all types of gamers. Give it a rent if you're on the fence. I really don't see how someone could have ZERO amount of fun with a game like this.

If you're currently playing this game and you love it, then HIGH FIVE to you, because I love it too. I really think Next Level Games did a fantastic job with the game and I can't wait to see what game they get to work on next. I would love a sequel sometime down the road, but I personally hope they get a Donkey Kong game. Speaking of that old gorilla, he plays a bit of a role in this title, but that's spoiler worthy, so I'll shut up.

It's hard to really find the words to describe just how happy I am when I play this game. So, since I can't think of any on my own, I'll take one out of Doc Louis' book. Join the Nintendo Fun...er...Club Nintendo today, Mac!

-Mave

TOKYO GORE POLICE

It all started simply enough: in 2007 a trailer turned up on Youtube for something called the Machine Girl. It made its rounds on the internet, and people were wondering if this was for real or just a really awesome fake trailer ala Grindhouse. The truth was revealed that yes, this over-the-top ultraviolent film about a schoolgirl with a gatling gun attached to her arm fighting the yakuza WAS real, and when it was released on DVD, I bought it the week it came out, along with popcorn and Mountain Dew, sat myself down, and watched one of the wildest Japanese movies ever.

Fast forward to early 2008 and I was browsing the internet late one night when I stumbled upon another bizarre trailer for this little film called Tokyo Gore Police, made by the same madmen behind the Machine Girl. The trailer is 5 minutes of ultraviolent insanity, and has to be one of the maddest trailers ever:



You may have just watched that, thinking, “oh dear, that’s probably every gory scene in the movie spoiled and there‘s really no reason to watch this thing.” Actually, I doubt that’s what you’re really thinking, but if it was, then I can assure you, it’s not. I would be lying if I said every minute of the 109-minute-long movie is soaked in blood and gore, but it wouldn’t be much of a lie, because, well, things get pretty crazy. Tokyo Gore Police is a film which includes, but is not limited to:

- A commercial for cutesy wrist-cutting blades that “don’t hurt as much” and “make the blood taste better.”
- A man flying around in the air propelled only by the blood spraying out of the stumps where his legs used to be.
- A naked woman-chair-thing spraying (what I think is) urine all over a club full of people who seem to enjoy it.
- Key-shaped tumors being inserted into body parts which then split open when the key is turned.
- A very strangely animated(?) sequence showing a number of heads exploding.
- A schoolgirl spraying acid from her nipples and bellybutton. Er, well, if she had nipples and a bellybutton after all that mess…
- Several other laws of science, physics, and biology blatantly ignored with a lunatic’s glee.
- Several instances of blood getting all over the damn camera.

You may be getting the idea now.

The plot? Actually yes, there is one, and it IS rather interesting. See, the Tokyo Police Force has now been privatized, they’re running around in elaborate, pseudo-futuristic samurai armor, and they’re fighting a new, deadly threat: engineers. Engineers, yes, as in, freaks of nature who grow weapons from their wounds. Meaning if you cut that guy’s arm off, chances are a blade or gun of some sort is probably going to grow back, after spraying a few gallons of blood of course, and then he will proceed to maim and/or kill you with that new weapon. Almost like Tetsuo the Iron Man, another Japanese depravity I love so much! Enter Ruka, played by Eihi Shiina, which those of you who are into bizarre, horrific, utterly fucked up Asian cinema will recognize as the girl from the (also bizarre, horrific, and utterly fucked up) film Audition, directed by Takashi Miike. Ruka is the force’s top engineer hunter, but she also has some suicidal tendencies and nightmares of the time she watched her father’s head explode when she was a child. A super-intelligent engineer is going around killing prostitutes in a strange, elaborate fashion that involves the draining of their blood and stuffing their body parts into a cardboard box, and it’s up to Ruka to stop this madman.

It only gets bloodier and more depraved from there. There’s a bit of socio-political commentary going on in there too with the random commercials and the backstory to the privatization of the police force, but uh, I’m not an expert on that kind of thing so I don’t know what to tell you.

And, well, I enjoyed every bloody minute of the thing. As you can tell from the trailer, all of the special effects are good old fashioned red fluids and lots of prosthetics, with only some CG used in a fight scene towards the end that is fairly obvious, but given the circumstances, awesome nevertheless. This is not a movie with a gigantic budget, and it shows, but it does not hinder the film in any way. It outdoes the Machine Girl in every possibly way, being a better-looking, better-sounding, more depraved and violent film with a much better story. While the Machine Girl was pretty straightforward, Tokyo Gore Police is more involved, and especially a hell of a lot more surreal.

It’s positively astonishing. I love it. Would I recommend it to friends of mine? Well, considering who I hang out with, yes, but it’s certainly far from being a date movie or anything of that sort. I mean c’mon, look at the title: TOKYO GORE POLICE. Watch that trailer again. Ask yourself if you’d like to see more. If so, then by all means go out there and get this damn movie!

And hey, they’ve got another new movie coming up now, known as Vampire Girl Vs Frankenstein Girl! Judging from the trailer, it won’t be quite like Tokyo Gore Police, but it still looks promising. And by promising, I mean hilariously violent, of course.

[Brett]

MadWorld AND House of the Dead Overkill

The Wii is considered a kid’s system, made for “casual” players and families, not the so-called “hardcore” crowd. I think that’s a load of rubbish, and so do other developers apparently. In early 2008, No More Heroes came out and rocked worlds with its ultraviolence and madcap story. I enjoyed the hell out of it, considering it my favorite Wii game to be released so far. Fast-forward to the end of the year and early 2009, and Sega came forth to push the same buttons that No More Heroes did, in releasing two separate M-rated games on the Wii just a few weeks apart from each other. Those games were MadWorld, developed by Platinum Games, and House of the Dead Overkill, developed by Headstrong Games.

The game that really struck me as awesome, the one I was craving since its announcement, was MadWorld. Platinum Games is made up of the guys from Clover, the developers most famous for creating Viewtiful Joe and the amazing Okami. Another game they made before Capcom squashed the studio was God Hand, a wacky, awesome beat-‘em-up on the Playstation 2 that let you create your own combos. I feel like I’m the only person who played that, and it ranks with Okami among my favorite PS2 games.

Anyways, I’m digressing. MadWorld had awesome, artistic visuals like the Viewtiful Joe series and Okami, coupled with crazy beat-’em-up action like God Hand. I was sold. By now I’m sure many of you have seen screenshots or videos of this game: black and white cel-shading, with yellow sound effects and red sprays of blood. And oh, there’s so much blood. The gist of the game is this: You are Jack, a burly biker dude with a robotic right arm that has a chainsaw attached, and you are in the middle of Varrigan City, which has been taken over by terrorists who are running a mad reality game show called Death Watch. The rules? Kill every motherfucker you can, in as many crazy ways as you can. Sure, you can rip through enemies easy with that chainsaw attached, but you won’t get many points that way. What you’re going to want to do is rough that guy up a bit with your fists, slam a trashcan down over his head so he’s staggering around blind, shove a few signposts through him, then pick him up and impale him multiple times on that wall of spikes over there.



Admittedly, this can get repetitive. There’s only so many things you can do to kill the enemies, and most of them revolve around shoving light posts through them and impaling them or throwing them into grinders and the like. Other reviews have had a problem with this, but I myself got so much glee from it. This game is the perfect thing to take your frustrations out on. Anyways, get enough points, and you get to play a minigame known as a Bloodbath Challenge, in which you do fun stuff like playing golf with the heads of zombies or running over as many aliens as you can on your motorcycle. Keep racking up points, and then you get to the positively awesome boss battles. They may not have as much personality as the bosses from God Hand or No More Heroes, but they’re still bloody great.

The controls are great, though the game has a hard time telling if you wanted to slice that guy vertically or horizontally with your chainsaw when you swing the Wii remote. This can get problematic, and the camera is not the greatest, nor is the lock-on (which I never used, myself). These are negligible, though. The biggest flaws, in my opinion, are in the story. It starts off with promise, but eventually gets too complex and tries to shove some kind of moral down your throat. It also does not help that the cut scenes have NO music whatsoever and few sound effects. I mean, no footstep sounds? Are you serious? What the hell?

Also, the game doesn’t take terribly long to beat, and when you do, it’s going to feel kind of empty.

However, Jack is voiced by the same guy who was the voice of Tom, the robot on Toonami! And that’s awesome. So is the hip-hop soundtrack and the commentary by Gregg Proops and John DiMaggio that’s dirty, raunchy, wrong, and yet so hilarious. Though it too can get kind of repetitive…

Was it worth the $50 I spent? Oh totally. Will I play it again? I hope so. But it just leaves you feeling like there was a lot of wasted potential. That’s what sequels are for though, right? Provided it sells…

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The other game is House of Dead Overkill, a first-person rail shooter, just like its predecessors. The House of the Dead series has quite the reputation as a series of arcade light gun shooters. I own House of the Dead 2 on the Dreamcast and I can’t tell you how many dollars in quarters I’ve pumped into the arcade machines, so I love them to death.

House of the Dead Overkill is a little bit…different, though. While the previous games have been known for their horrible voice acting and cheesiness, they had a naïveté about them. Overkill is self-aware, and goes for an incredibly goofy and over-the-top Grindhouse-style presentation and story. The two main characters are Agent G and Detective Washington, and they never really stop bickering over the course of the entire game. Washington loves the word “motherfucker” and uses it any time he can. Like the commentary in MadWorld, the dialogue between our two heroes and the other characters who appear in Overkill is incredibly profane, juvenile, and funny. Also like MadWorld, the plot serves no purpose whatsoever. You just shoot stuff.

The gameplay is different from its predecessors as well. One neat touch is that when you point the reticule of your gun to the far left or right of the screen, or top and bottom, the screen will move to show you what’s over there. You’re still strictly on rails, but you can get a look around at least, and you’ll need to pick off stray mutants (“Mutants. They’re not zombies, they’re mutants. How many times do I have to tell you that?” Agent G quips in the first level) and to grab powerups. The previous games never really had any powerups, but here you can pick up screen-clearing grenades, collectible golden brains (ten in each level, snag them all!), and a strange green thing that activates slow-motion, letting you pick off at a huge pack of mutants with ease. The scoring is different as well, with a little revolver icon at the corner of the screen by your score and health. The more kills you score without missing a single shot or getting hurt, the more points you get, eventually reaching what is laughably called a “GOREGASM,” in which the revolver is replaced with a waving American flag and you get an extra thousand points with each kill. Because nothing is more American than blowing twelve consecutive heads off with a shotgun, right? Yeah, you can get a shotgun, or an automatic rifle, or some other weapons. You’re not limited to a standard handgun like in the arcade games, and it makes things a bit easier, actually.

The soundtrack is interesting, dirty, guitar-heavy stuff. Not rock, more like surf rock or something along with a lot of disco-sounding music that fits in perfectly with the grindhouse style, and it’s quite good.



It too is not without its share of flaws, though. The graphics could use a bit of polish, especially with some framerate issues here and there that crop up, the bland character models, and levels that aren‘t terribly interesting. It is nice when you blow away the mutants, as they explode and splatter blood all over the place that makes headshots that much more satisfying. What irks me though, is that you’re ONLY shooting at mutants, with the exception of one level that has some buzzards and dragonfly things. One thing the earlier games had that this one doesn’t was a greater variety of enemies. The first level alone in the first game had zombies, hellhounds, some swamp monster-looking-thing, bats, EVIL DEMON MONKEYS, and more! And anyone who’s played one of the arcade games knows of and hates those damn frogs and leeches that leap at your face. Why are none of them in Overkill? Why am I limited to just shooting at mutants? That’s just stupid! The bosses themselves aren’t so great, either, which is a damn shame.

And while the grindhouse style (even going so far as to pull a “Reel missing” gag) and self-awareness lead to great moments (I love the conversations G and Washington have at the end of the game), it really lacks this…charm that the arcade games had. Playing this really just made me want to play the previous games more than anything else.

Don’t get me wrong, Overkill is hardly a bad game, and unlockable art, videos, and music will keep some gamers coming back for more, but it’s just not the same as the earlier games. If you don’t suffer from nostalgic memories like I do, you shouldn’t have a problem.

(Note: After beating the game’s normal mode, a more difficult “Director’s Cut” mode is unlocked, and while I have yet to beat it, all it seems to do is lengthen and change up each level just a little bit, but the gameplay remains the same and therefore so does my review. I will make changes if I discover anything new, though.)

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So there you have it, Sega has released two crazy, yet flawed, M-rated games for the Wii. Are they selling well? Probably not. It seems that the Wii is just having too hard of a time trying to shake it’s image of being a crappy little white box with last-gen graphics and lots of lousy kids games, but there’s still hope for it yet with EA releasing Deadspace: Extraction later this year, which appears to be another on-rails shooter like House of the Dead, though EA is calling it a “Guided First-Person Shooter,” whatever that means, but it shows a lot of progress. And hey, there’s a sequel to No More Heroes coming next year! And on top of that, Bethesda, the guys behind the Elder Scrolls games and Fallout 3, have announced that they’re developing something called “Brink” for the Wii!

See, the Wii’s not a crappy kids-system. It’s a cult system with games that will be, in my opinion, cult classics further down the line, and these two games just might be counted among them. Trust me.

[Brett]

Review at Large: Silent Hill

I have never played a Silent Hill game. This is largely due to the fact that my ability to absorb media that falls under the moniker of "horror", can easily be likened unto that of a five year old girl: I stay awake at night, jump at shadows, and hide under the covers. Forsooth, even my twenty one years have not endowed me with skin thick enough to sit through a Child's Play movie (Chucky still haunts my nightmares) without covering my eyes and thinking happy thoughts. I won't even try to describe to you the week that followed my first and only viewing of, "The Ring" when it hit American theaters in 2002. Suffice to say it was embarrassing.

And so I have never, ever, played a Silent Hill game. And until very recently, did not entertain the notion of doing so. However, a friend suggested that I review the series and I, caught up between my love of nightmareless sleep and my "journalistic" (I use the term very, very loosely) curiosity arrived at a decent compromise. People would tell me about Silent Hill, and I would talk about what they said. It almost goes without saying that I will get things wrong and need to be corrected, but that's what comment threads are for. So without further adieu, I present to you Hindsight Alloys's first Review at Large - Silent Hill.



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The first, and most obvious aspect to note about the thirteen-game franchise is that it is really really scary. Derelict buildings, dark and foggy environs, and even the infamous Pyramid Head all push to endow the player with a sense of the wrong. These are not places you want to go or things you want to see. You do not play Silent Hill and say to yourself, "wow, I wish this was real" (well, maybe some people do, but come on). And yet the player perseveres, pushing onward and forward from screen to horrifying screen.

Originally meant to capitalize on the success of the Resident Evil/Biohazard games on the Playstation, Silent Hill has since evolved into it's own self sufficient organism, with a fan base that rivals its zombie-riddled cousin. Over its ten year lifespan the series has become known for its complex and emotionally driven story lines, as well as its ability to scare you to death. From the nightmarish aesthetic to the haunting soundtrack composed by Akira Yamaoka, Silent Hill has a certain way of embedding itself in the player's psyche.

According to Sara Castro the series is, "the awesomest" and, "No, really." She goes on to say that "The stories of the first three games are pretty radical." and that once one takes in all the specific details that make up SH's plot lines, it becomes impossible not to love it. At least in the case of the first three entries.

Christian Moore (HA's very own Murex Brandaris) cites the fact that, "these guys (Konami, that is) managed to make a derelict, muck-encrusted old hospital into something far more uncomfortable." in reference to the dark world/hell world mechanic of Silent Hill 3(citation needed).

Brett Cook (HA tag Animated Trigger) notes that Silent Hill 3 is also, "scary as hell, pretty much."

Overall, it can be concluded that anyone wanting a deep and involved storyline, to be scared out of their wits, or simply a meaty game series with lots of entries to chew on would do well to give Silent Hill a spin. In addition to several game entries, the series has spawned a movie adaptation, several comic books, and a few games exclusive to mobile phone platforms. Even the iPhone/iPod touch has an abbreviated SH incarnation available for download, which speaks volumes about the popularity and notoriety that the series has managed to garnish in recent years.





*This is partially a joke. Obviously I can't properly review something I've never played.

Abvreviewations: Eat Lead, Halo Wars, Witch Mountain

That's right, I'm still spelling "Abreviewation" with only one B. I started it because of a typo, and am too stubborn to admit that I'm wrong. Anyway, here's what I've been into lately,



1. Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard - This game made me laugh. A lot. By and large it's nothing but a third person shooter with a clunky cover mechanic and some semi-decent gunplay. Where Eat Lead shines however is not through some intuitive controls scheme or revolutionary spin on the shooting genre. Eat Lead is fun, because the entirety of it's story is just one big parody of every video game cliche` born ever the last twenty some years. The game is rife with load screens which say things like, "Tip: A helpful hint", and instances of the titular Matt Hazard breaking the fourth wall. Characters like the Master Chef from, "Crown of Light", and Alto Stratus from the "Penultimate Illusion games" are sure to appeal to any hardcore gamer's sense of humor. Eat Lead doesn't take itself too seriously, and this is a good thing, because without the laughs and video game in-jokes, it would probably be nothing but a mediocre TPS not worth mentioning. The gameplay is solid enough to play through it one time, but probably won't hold a lot of replay value for fans of games like Gears of War. Oh, and for Achievement hounds (we are of course talking 360 version) the game is generous; I scored 845 points out of a thousand on my first playthrough.


2. Halo Wars – I’ve been a fan of Ensemble Studios for years. I’ve been a fan of the Halo franchise for years. So when I heard that Microsoft was putting the two together, I was excited to say the least. I can’t complain about much with this game; it does exactly what it’s supposed to do. It’s a solid RTS, with all the qualities that make games of this genre so engrossing. Combat is emphasized over resource farming, and while some hardcore RTS players may be disappointed by this, it works considerably well when one takes into account the limitations of a controller-based scheme versus a mouse and keyboard. The controls themselves are pretty solid, and while they will take some getting used to, you’ll find yourself mastering them before you complete the fifteen-mission campaign. The complete Halo experience is here – menu screens which are overlaid with a deep, translucent blue, behind which pre-renders play in a loop. The story is epic and its outcome will, once again, decide the fate of humanity (it doesn’t take a genius to figure out how it ends, as this DOES take place twenty years before Combat Evolved). There are hidden Skulls which, once unlocked, will reward (or punish) the player with optional game-altering effects. Everything from removing the player’s radar to the beloved Grunt Birthday party can be unlocked by claiming the appropriate skulls. The game is jam packed with all the weapons, characters, troop classes and vehicles that fans of the Halo franchise have come to love. The UNSC has Scorpions, Pelicans, Warthogs, Marines and (of course) Spartans at its disposal. The Covenant is equipped with everything from Grunts, Elites and Hunters to Brute Choppers, Banshees, and even the dreaded Scarab. Both factions are also given new units and troop classes, never before seen in the Halo timeline. The new additions mesh nicely with the rest of the mythos, and the player really feels like they’ve been a part of the universe all along; Master Chief just never happened across them.
Overall, this is a great game for Halo and RTS fans (a claim that no other game can possibly make). And if you happen to be a fan of both, then you’re bound to enjoy yourself. Replayability is high, with several options for online multiplayer and plenty of incentives to warrant multiple Campaign playthroughs. Achievements are about average in terms of difficulty – one playthrough on Normal difficulty yields about 400 points, and experimenting with the Skirmish and Online modes will bump you up to about 500.


3. Race to Witch Mountain - I really don't have much to say about this movie. I mean, it was good. Good for kids, good for adults. Just a good movie. Not fantastic, not crappy. Dwayne Johnson gives a solid, competent performance, as one might expect. The two child actors play their parts extremely well (I don't know their names), and the token love interest/scientist played by Carla Gugino fits her archetype. The special effects are solid (except the bullet-time sequence, where I said out loud, "Are you kidding me?") and the story works. I've never seen the original or its sequel, so I really can't say much about whether or not this remake is faithful to the source material. Overall this film is worth a watch, but you won't be too bad off it you wait for a DVD release and give it a rent.

Five, count'em, FIVE graphic novels for your consideration.

SCOTT PILGRIM, volumes 1-5, by Bryan Lee O’Malley: If someone were to ask me “Hey Brett, what do you think are the greatest examples of the comicbook as its own medium?”, which no one would do, my answer would be simple: Watchmen and Hellboy. And now, having read all five volumes, I think I’d like to add Scott Pilgrim to that list. Scott Pilgrim tells the story of its titular hero as he lives his crazy life in Toronto, dating the girl of his dreams (literally) named Ramona Flowers and defeating her seven evil ex-boyfriends while playing in a lousy band called Sex Bo-Bomb. The entire series is loaded with references to old-school videogames, and even makes Scott’s life out to be a videogame. One example is the fact that, when defeated, a number of Ramona’s evil ex-boyfriends explode into a shower of coins, and a couple of them have even left behind treasure chests. There was even once a save point!

The story itself is six levels of hilarious, but it can get pretty dramatic as well, with Scott dealing with ex-girlfriends and just getting his life together in general. The guy’s a mess, scatter-brained, and I somewhat identify with him, and that’s part of what makes the series so endearing. The pacing, dialogue, it’s all perfect. And look, Edgar Wright, the director of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, is turning it into a movie! So you’d better go read all five volumes now (only one more volume will be released before the series is ended) so that when the movie comes out, you won’t be another poseur like all those people who were at the Watchmen premiere!

Crécy, written by Warren Ellis, illustrated by Raulo Caceres: Ever had one of those teachers or professors that you just loved listening to when they lectured? Maybe it was their sense of humor, maybe it’s because they seemed like they were never really sober. This is kind of like that. Crécy is, essentially, a book about the battle in 1346 between the English and the French that took place in yes, you guessed it, Crécy, France. Our guide through the battle is a soldier in the English army, an archer, who speaks directly to the reader, explaining what’s going on, quite hilariously. “I am, of course, a complete bloody xenophobe who comes from a time when it was acceptable to treat people in the next village like they were subhumans. On the other hand, the French make sausages out of horse’s arseholes and have a history of using England as their toilet.”

Did you know the English liked leaving their arrows lying around in feces in order to cause infected wounds in anyone unlucky enough to survive getting shot? Or how many different arrowheads were used? Do you know how Edward the Second died? It’s all in this book, educating and yet totally hilarious. And the art is exceptional, very much like old woodblock prints from the medieval days, clean black and white and extremely detailed. It’s a short, quick read, and one that I promise you’ll come back to read again.

HELLSPAWN: The Ashley Wood Collection, written by Brian Michael Bendis and Steve Niles, illustrated by Ashley Wood: I don’t really get Spawn. I’m not a huge fan. I had some issues of the comic when I was little, but I didn’t really care much for them. I also think Brian Michael Bendis is a hack writer (except for Powers and his Daredevil run) and have never liked Steve Niles works very much, so why am I reviewing this? Because I love Ashley Wood’s artwork. This comic was one of his earlier gigs, but it still oozes with style and awesomesauce. The story and the writing? Eh, I dunno. People are talking about a war, some government agents capture and reprogram Cygor to go after Spawn or something, it’s all too damn vague and not a very good read. But the art is oh so fantastic! Err, well, for the most part. Wood does seem to have a hard time here and there grasping the whole “sequential art” idea, and something tells me the scripts he had to work from were a bit foggy as well, so meh. It’s not worth the full price, but then I got my copy for half off. Maybe Spawn fans will enjoy it. Not that I know any.

SKY DOLL, volume 1, written and illustrated by Barbara Canepa and Alessandro Barbucci: I picked this up on a whim. Or, well, asked for it for Christmas on a whim. It’s a French sci fi comic, brought here to us filthy heathen Americans courtesy of Marvel Comics, hardcover-only, and actually kind of short. It revolves around a “Sky Doll” named Noa. See, Sky Dolls are basically sex robots, but Noa, she’s special. How so? Well, it’s only the first volume, so I have no real clue, but it has to do with some crazy controversial stuff with the religion that the two missionaries she hooks up with are supposed to be trying to spread. She joins them on a mission to spread the word of Papess Lodovica to the planet Aqua, but things turn grim as the true mission is revealed. It’s rather heavy stuff, which you wouldn’t expect when looking at the very cartoony, expressive art. We’re not dealing with humans here, no. I have no idea what race these guys are, but that’s not really the point. Regardless, it’s a very interesting read, and I wonder what volume 2 will bring to the table. Get on the ball with that, Marvel!

THE WALKING DEAD, Books 1-4 (volumes 1-8), written by Robert Kirkman, illustrated by Tony Moore and Charlie Adlard: “Oh look, another zombie comic,” some of you might say. And you know, I’d be in that camp too, I’m personally tired of this oversaturation of zombies in my comics, videogames, and movies. But the Walking Dead is endearing. For one thing, it’s ongoing. It refuses to freaking stop, no matter how many characters die. For another thing, this is NOT a book about zombies. It’s entirely about the human survivors and the challenges they face which rarely have much to do with the actual zombies themselves. It’s grim stuff, a real page-turner. I mean hell, I read all eight volumes pretty much back to back in the four hardcover books, rarely stopping for breath. My thought process as I read through it all was along the lines of something like, “oh shit, holy shit, no way, did they just, there’s no way they would OH SHIT fuck fuck fuck oh no shit NO THEY KILLED _______ DAMMIT FUCK NO oh shit oh shit!”

Trust me: No one in this book is safe. And the Governor, who gets introduced later into the series? He is a fucking bastard and one of the most evil characters I’ve ever encountered in a comic. So, whether you’re a fan of zombies, survival horror, or whatever, or even if you think zombies suck hardcore, you need to read this thing. You can thank me later.

[Brett]