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Sin & Punishment: Star Successor

2010-07-15T12:27:00.000-04:00

I’m going to go ahead and confess, this review may be a little biased.

Sin & Punishment: Star Successor is the sequel to Sin & Punishment, a somewhat obscure title released during the Nintendo 64’s dying breath in Japan, then re-released worldwide on the Wii’s Virtual Console, where it saw a restored popularity. Both games are developed by Treasure, the development team responsible for some of my favorite action games like Ikaruga, Gunstar Heroes, and more. They’re also both rail-shooters, a dying game genre that remains one of my favorites. Ever play Rez, the Panzer Dragoon titles, or Star Fox 64? Ever play Ikaruga or any other Treasure title? Then you may have a pretty good idea of what this is about, in which case, stop reading and go buy this game, you fool!

I can sum up the game pretty quickly and easily: you run and fly around blowing up monsters and ships and stuff while dodging barrage after barrage of bullets, projectiles, and other obstacles. It’s a white-knuckle adrenaline rush that doesn’t let up until you’ve beaten the game or given up because holy crap, there’s a lot going on at any given moment and dodging and shooting simultaneously can get rough.

Thankfully, the controls are simple and make gameplay supremely easy to pick up and dive into. You have two characters to pick from, a guy with poor fashion taste named Isa, or a girl named Kachi. The only differences between them are their aiming and their special attacks. You control their movement around the screen with the joystick on the nunchuk, aim your Wii remote at the screen, hold B to shoot, tap it to use a melee attack (trust me, you’ll need it), A button uses your special attack, and Z button dodges (you’ll need that too). Being on rails, your character will always be moving along a linear path, but you can and will be throwing them all over the screen in an effort to avoid wave after wave of enemy attacks. Back to the differences between the two, Isa cannot lock onto enemies unless you tap A to target one, so you need a steady hand for accurate shots. His special attack is a tremendous charged blast that deals a lot of damage in a large area, and you will come to rely on it a lot. Kachi, on the other hand, will lock on automatically to anything you start shooting at. If it’s an enemy that doesn’t go down within a few shots, she’ll stay locked onto it until you let go of B and point your targeting reticule at something else. This can be a little frustrating when you’re confronted with over a dozen smaller, more annoying creatures but you’re stuck locked on to some large structure or tank that’s not even really doing much of anything. Her special attack is to lock onto up to eight targets at once by holding A, or you can target one enemy up to eight times, so it’s a lot like Panzer Dragoon Orta or Rez. The only issue is, if you’re targeting one enemy, it takes longer to target them eight times than it does for Isa to charge one massive explosive blast. Who you pick is up to you, though, maybe you’d handle Kachi better than I could. Their melee attacks pack the same punch, and you’ll be using it a lot to rack up massive points and for deflecting missiles and other projectiles back at other enemies, which is both awesome and completely necessary if you want to see this game through to the end.

Everything else comes secondary to the gameplay. The graphics, when things slow down and during cut scenes, are really not so great. Both Isa and Kachi, despite being separate genders, look like the same character model and their faces are practically identical, and the same goes for most of the human-looking villains in the game either. But that’s kind of understandable, Treasure is not a huge team and with the sheer amount of things thrown on the screen at any given time, they had to sacrifice graphical power in order to make sure the game runs smoothly with no frame-rate hiccups whatsoever. The story is absolute crap, with bad voice acting and very little explanation as to what’s going on. Now the first Sin & Punishment didn’t have a good story or voice-acting either, but it’s somehow superior to whatever they scribbled together here. Do yourself a favor, skip the cut scenes and get straight into the action. Music is typical electronic synthesized craziness one would come to expect from arcade-style action games, with some screaming and wailing guitars for good measure. I enjoyed it quite a bit, but your mileage may vary.

It really is all about shooting things up. The game throws wave after wave of enemies at you as you fly through underwater tunnels, race down a desert highway on a sweet hover bike, and run through a secluded forest in the middle of the night. There are numerous bosses, and they will try their best to kill you. It becomes a bullet-hell game, trying to navigate through a tiny opening between waves of projectiles while also trying to stay locked on. It is an intense, old-school experience through and through.

It’s only eight levels and the game is over between four and eight hours, depending on which difficulty you select and how good you are. However, even four hours is quite a lot for a rail-shooter, especially considering that the first Sin & Punishment was over in around an hour. I could only play it in small bursts anyways, and even then if I shut my eyes I’d start seeing dozens of bullets flying at me at once. Every minute of this game is heart-pounding insanity, and you’ll be spending the majority of that time screaming expletives at the TV, usually out of sheer, dumbfounded awe over what’s happening in the game.

Despite its flawed graphics and poor story, the game is still a joy to play. If you’re into rail-shooters or any of Treasure’s previous games, there is no question about it; you must get this game. If you’re skeptical however, at least give it a rental or play it at a friend’s house. Then maybe you’ll understand.

[Brett]

Prince of Persia 3-in-1 Rev

2010-05-19T19:44:00.003-04:00

Right now it looks like I might be making this into a series, this is technically the second one so details can be found in the Mass Effect one when I finish and post it, but this is a review of Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands, and the 2008 version titled only Prince of Persia. The third part is a comparison of the two.

I am aware, and want to make sure you are as well, that the two games are set in different mythologies and intentionally use different mechanics, but the comparison will go over the length and gives my opinions on their success (or potential success).

And no there isn't a typo in the title. The games are so short that I felt that they needed only half of the word for review

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands

This game takes place in the same mythology as the Sands of Time Trilogy, it fits in the series in the time between The Sands of Time and The Warrior Within. The game follows the prince as he is visiting his brother Malik in a city on built on the ruins of King Solomon's city, for all I know it is the same city, it does not really go too far into how much rebuilding/expanding has happened since King Solomon was living there. As you are arriving you find the city under siege and in typical Prince of Persia fashion you enter the city by hopping along a few falling buildings in a cutscene. You travel around the walkways fighting off groups of invaders trying to meet up with your brother.

You meet your brother in the vault after fighting past various groups of amazingly resourceful invaders who are ahead of you despite the gates and doors being shut. Your brother unlocks the fabled army of Solomon, the key he used breaks into two pieces which you and your brother each take a half, the sand pouring from the now open vault turns your brothers guards to stone and the room starts to fall apart separating you and your brother. You quickly encounter a Djinn named Razia who explains the true past of the army and tells you that you need to reunite the key to stop it. She also "gives you more time" to help you do it. This being in the Sands of Time mythology you have gained the power to rewind time as you find out from a small cutscene.

The combat follows the other Sands of Time games where you are fighting large groups of enemies at once while you leap with acrobatics dodging them. Unlike the others you do all your fighting with only one sword instead of a sword and dagger or other second weapon. But you do get powers with which to help you fight the swarms with. The only problems with the combat system I had was the inability to block, you can do a roll to dodge or kick enemies but not block. Also there were a few time where I tried to kick and either the game was too far behind or it missed my hitting the button and did not kick.

Overall I thoroughly enjoyed the game though it was very short, I managed to play through it twice and get 1000G on it within 1 and a half days of renting it. So good game extremely short. I would say rent it but not buy it. I do not know if they have plans for any DLC to it, but there is no links on the main page for it and I do not know what they would add, since they wrapped up the storyline within the game.

Prince of Persia

This is the new re-imagining that was released in 2008 from Ubisoft to try and start a new series after the Sands of Time Trilogy. They felt that the Prince of Persia series could be restarted like the Zelda or Final Fantasy series where they keep certain aspects and re-imagine the details, which has advantages over trying to continue stories in the same world.

The story in this starts with the Prince wandering through a sandstorm looking for Farrah (the main love interest from the Sands of Time game). He enters a canyon and ends up accidentally rescuing a mysterious woman, You travel with her helping her for a while and eventually you get a cutscene which displays the mechanic that they added to replace the ability to rewind time. Elika (the woman you just saved) has magic and can use it to save you and pull you back to solid ground. You travel with her to the temple at the center of her land and find out that a great dark evil is trying to escape and only she can stop him. You travel around the world "healing" the land at specific focal points or (as the game will tell you again and again) fertile grounds.

Combat in this version focuses on a one on one battles with you chaining your attacks, you can only ever take two hits then you go to a cutscene where you have to hit a random button or be saved by Elika. Most enemies form in black funnels and can be killed before they even spawn. You have to fight four bosses as you travel healing the land.

The game and the story are enjoyable and fun but the game is also short like the other, the biggest letdown I felt was the way they ended it, I will admit I did not get the DLC Epilogue but the way they ended the game itself was not my favorite. The other slight problem I had was the whole never die thing, without a health bar certain dangers were unable to truly "kill" you or hard to figure when they would actually cause your "death".

Overall I did enjoy the game and thought it was fun. I would recommend renting this game as well. I also managed to get a few of the achievements I had not expected to get easier than I thought I would.

Comparison

Achievements

The games both have a good average of achievements, overall I feel the 2008 game had a better achievement selection than The Forgotten Sands, The forgotten sands has a good selection of achievements that look like they might be a decent challenge, but once you are further along in the game you get abilities or weapons that make them easier. Also the fact that with minimal hassle I was able to get 1000g.

The 2008 game had a few more challenging achievements though some of the achievements were easier than I thought, 1 achievement was to beat the game with Elika saving you less than 100 times. I was not expecting to get that achievement but did.

Response

I feel that the main problem people have with the 2008 game is that it was not Sands of Time, people were expecting something more along the lines of the linear progression and time rewinding of the Sands of Time games and did not get it.

I think The Forgotten Sands will get a boost due to Ubisoft timing it to release right along with the new movie, and since the game follows the games and not the movie, it won't be hurt by being a crappy movie tie-in.

No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle

2010-03-05T22:39:00.004-05:00

I admit, I’m biased. Suda51’s games may not be of the highest quality, their gameplay may leave a lot to be desired, and his stories are weird, esoteric things that an entire thesis or two could be written about, but I can’t help but love everything he does. I guess I just love the crazed auteur who takes a look at what’s being done in a specific medium, nods his head, strokes his chin, says, “ah, I see,” and then turns and does something COMPLETELY FREAKING DIFFERENT. Alejandro Jodorowsky and David Lynch did it with film, David Mack and Alan Moore did it with comics, Daniel Z. Danielewski and others have done it with novels, but you don’t see it much in the world of videogames.

This is with good reason, of course. Videogames are an interactive experience, and if you purposefully design your game to frustrate or fight the player, you’re insane and likely not very popular. And yet Suda51 does it with every game he’s released, but No More Heroes 2, the sequel to my favorite Wii game, is by far his most accessible game, like if Jodorowsky directed a commercial film for the masses.

You don’t need to play the first game to get into No More Heroes 2. Here’s all you need to know: Travis Touchdown, loveable loser, got his hands on a beam katana and took up being an assassin as a way to make money. He fought his way through the top ten ranked assassins for thrills and at the promise of getting laid, which never happened. Along the way, he met some wild characters, had some crazy fights, and broke the fourth wall. After reaching the top rank, he turned his back on the world of assassins and, I dunno, just sat on his ass for three years watching his cat gain weight. Which is where this game starts off. Travis is once again climbing the ranks, this time from rank 51 instead of 11, and also with another purpose in mind: revenge for the murder of his best friend Bishop.

No More Heroes 2 is a better game than its predecessor in nearly every way. While the combat remains the same, it’s much more polished. It’s just as visceral and satisfying as ever, and you’ll have no trouble getting into the groove of decapitating people left and right or piledriving them into the ground. You can switch between different beam katanas in the middle of combat this time around, though it’s an agonizingly slow process and once you get your hands on the Rose Nasty you probably won’t look back, but it’s still a nice touch. Blocking is a lot less automatic, making you work harder, but it makes those kills all the more satisfying. A wider variety of enemies also keeps things from getting too repetitive, but there are some later levels where you’ll come close to getting sick of all the hacking and slashing…until you turn into a tiger and start killing people left and right as they piss themselves in fear, that is.

The job minigames are still there, though all of them with the exception of one are now old-school 8-bit games that you may swear you played or possibly even owned on the NES when you were a kid. With a few exceptions, you’ll keep coming back to them, not just for the cash to buy clothes, but also to get a better high score and just because they’re simply fun. Training at the gym has also been given the 8-bit treatment. But if that’s not your thing, there’s also Travis’s cat Jeane, who seriously needs to lose weight, and an overhead space shooter based on Travis’s favorite anime, Bizarre Jelly 5! There’s no shortage of things to do when you’re not too busy hacking people to pieces.

Graphics receive quite the upgrade too, with a much more streamlined presentation, though it still has that lo-fi, somewhat ugly look to it. Some people may hate that, but I love it, and I feel like it’s a part of the game’s overall style. There are no real design “mistakes” in Suda51’s games, they’re almost always deliberate decisions, but that’s another story entirely. The voice acting is just as good as in the first game, and the script is chock full of great, quotable lines, while the music has gotten harder, darker, more guitar-driven to suit Travis’s quest for bloody vengeance.

While it is the most accessible of Suda51’s games, it still has its fair share of weird bits. The bosses don’t seem to have as much personality as the (very talkative) assassins from the first game, but they’ve certainly gotten stranger. You’ll find yourself fighting a football player and his cheerleading squad in a giant robot, a schoolgirl who is your biggest fan and wields a flute/double-beamed lightsaber, a ghost, and more. You can turn into a tiger, as I mentioned before. Takashi Miike, the infamous Japanese director, makes a cameo appearance. A guy whose head you cut off gets back up and has a conversation with you. And there’s still more where that came from.

As much as I’ve been praising it, it’s still flawed. I mentioned the repetitive later levels, and some of the boss battles almost feel like an afterthought. Also, while the game gives you the chance to play as Shinobu, an assassin from the first game who can actually jump unlike Travis, her levels are annoying and you want to just get her levels over with to get back to Travis. The camera still isn’t perfect, but then, I have yet to play a videogame with a perfect camera, y’know?

It seems at once both wilder than the first game, but also tamer, strangely. Both games are the product of putting all of Suda51’s favorite things and influences into a blender, devouring the concoction, and crapping it back out, which he has stated more than once in interviews. You can tell that too, especially because the first game felt like a massive explosion went off in your face, an explosion of awesomeness. No More Heroes 2 feels much more focused and calculated, maybe too calculated. That “everything but the kitchen sink” mentality is still there to be sure, but it lacks a lot of the charm of the first game. Weird quirks and hiccups in the first game, like the barren open world, have been polished away, leaving a much more pristine game, but that feels almost wrong given the punk rock, dirty style that’s on display here.

Nevertheless though, it’s a strong successor to the Wii’s greatest sleeper hit, a dizzying bullet aimed straight at the brain, and a gaming experience that’s truly unforgettable. In this day and age where games are starting to feel all too much alike and blur together, it’s great when something so maverick and gung-ho kicks down the doors and does whatever the hell it wants with little regard for what’s mainstream and popular, and does it in a way that‘s badass.

Also, did I mention you can transform into a MOTHERFUCKING TIGER? Game of the year, right there.

[Brett]

You Should Be Reading DC Comics 'Red Circle' Series (and here's why)

2010-02-13T08:07:00.002-05:00

Mave here. How's it going?

NOTE: This is basically a post about these two books put out by DC Comics on a monthly basis now -- The Shield and The Web. I'm no comic guru by any means and I've only recently really gotten into them. DC is pretty much the only stuff I read, but the stuff I read I really REALLY enjoy. The Shield and The Web are a part of a bigger picture in DC -- they are a part of this new team of superheros called "The Red Circle". Slowly but surely, they're getting phased into the DCU. Unfortunately, the books aren't selling very well right now so I thought I'd just do this post to talk about them a little. Anyways --

__ __ __

I have a friend who is a huge Captain America fan. For the past year I've heard him talk about all the great stuff Ed Brubaker has done with the series. Even if you're not a fan of Bucky taking up the mantle of Cap, I think it's hard to deny the quality that Brubaker tries to bring to the series. Killing Steve Rogers wasn't easy on anyone -- I'm not saying that like it hurt me personally, but killing any comic book character is never an easy decision. From what I can tell, Brubaker (and Marvel as a company) handled it very well and really elevated Bucky while paying tribute to the legacy that Steve Rogers had made.

Why am I mentioning this in a post about DC Comics? Because I don't read too much in Marvel. It's nothing against the company, but I grew up with DC and it's been difficult for me to find books on the Marvel side that really appeal to me. J. Michael Straczynski's run on Thor is FANTATSIC and I really love that, but I could never get into Cap. I always envied my friend a little because of the cool stories he was ready about a character that sounded like it had so much depth, yet (technically speaking) wore the banner of America on his shoulders without seeming...well...bad.

Sometime in mid 2009 while strolling through a comic book one day, I was just happened to look up on the shelf and notice this book. The cover caught my eye with how familiar the character looked -

I asked myself "What? What? Huh? What is this?" so then I reached for the issue and took a look. I bought the issue that very day with how good the art was alone. I knew nothing about the series or the character, but my reasoning was that "This is a new series starting up and this is issue #1. The character looks cool and it has a second feature. I'm sold." It was a purchase I have never regretted.

I went back to my dorm room, read the issue, and then found myself on various websites researching the character. I finally came to understand that this character "The Shield" was not in fact some random ripoff of Captain America that DC had just made up, but he was a character that actually PREDATES Captain America. The Shield is a character that dates back to 1940 (which, at least according to the Wiki, beats Captain America's debut by 14 months). I'm not spouting this off to act like "Shield > Captain America" or anything, but it just surprised me.

Apparently, DC had acquired a number of these "Red Circle" characters in a buyout and was going to phase them into the main DCU.

Basically, this was a chance to read about all new characters coming into DC with various new series and read them RIGHT AS THEY STARTED. It just seems like to good of an opportunity to pass up.

Right now, there are only two monthly series among the Red Circle (their group name) characters.

From left to right we have the Hangman, the Inferno, the Shield, and the Web.

Each month we have an issue with a main feature on the Shield with a second feature on the Inferno, plus another issue with the main feature on the Web with a second feature on the Hangman. That's 4 stories about 4 characters in only two books. Each issue is only $3.99, so you're technically getting 4 stories for only 8 dollars a month. I can afford that, and it's a purchase I'm making that I thoroughly enjoy.

Let me give you a quick rundown of each character to try and flesh them out.

The Shield is a human weapon (he doesn't like to be called a superhero). Joseph Higgins is a US soldier in Afghanistan who, along with serving his country, is doing his own detective work on the side to search for his missing father. While on the battlefield, he is seriously wounded and on the verge of death. To save his life, the US Government experiments on him and fuses a power-suit with nanotechnology onto his body. The suit gives him enhanced physical abilities in every department, along with flight (IE your basic superhero stuff). He is a very likable character because the patriotic vibe isn't shoved down your throat. The writers seem to know that this is already a guy wearing a giant USA costume, so the story is more about a guy with a big-picture goal in mind while going on these undercover military missions just for kicks.

Not your cup of tea? Then try -

The Web is a guy named John Raymond. He grows up as a kid with a silver spoon in his mouth. He is born into a rich family in the US with a brother who outclasses him in every way. Not only is his older brother compassionate, succesful, and just an overall good guy, but he loves his younger brother John. John looks up to his brother, but is comparrable to a male 'Paris Hilton' if you will. His brother tragically is killed, and John Raymond steps up and accepts responsibility. He takes the oppurtunity to put his wealth to good use and fight for justice. He cleans up his act and becomes the Web, fighting crime and actually maintaining a website called "www.summontheweb.com" to keep in contact with people who need his help.

The Web is basically this formula: Paris Hilton personality + Tragic death + Money + Guilt + Will to do the right thing = become a superhero called The Web.

Those two are the main "front and center" guys of the Red Circle books, but each of them come with a second feature in the Inferno and the Hangman.

The Hangman is a story about a guy who was around back in some old generic Western setting. He is more or less cursed by something that happens that makes him the Hangman, a guy who is there to deliver the noose to those who deserve it. He is reincarnated in the form of some Doctor in the modern DCU and when the sun sets, the Hangman takes over. He has some spiritual, dark powers and can hide in the shadows and do some cool stuff with fear. You can probably see where I'm going with this, but I promise this guy is much more intersting than he sounds. One of his first stories was going after some Yakuza guys and he fought a water demon thing. It was cool -- just take my word for it. You'll have to forgive me because his alternate identity's name leaves me right now. I'll get back to you on that.

The Inferno is about a guy named Frank Verrano. His past is very muddled -- all we really know about the guy is that he's been experimented on and was going to be used as some human weapon of some form, but he has lost his memories. He can completely engulf himself in flames and physically change shape to this more muscular looking form with a crazy looking mustache, but I swear to you it's awesome. He can't quite control his powers yet, but his story has been my favorite thus far. It's basically been one big mystery of him trying to escape from these people who are hunting him down all while trying to figure out his powers and learn of his past.

And that's basically it.

If they don't sound very appealing -- maybe they're not for you, or maybe I'm not doing them justice. I found the appeal to be in the fact that this is a new super hero team that is on the verge of forming and I can be there right from the start. The stories are great, the art is great, the characters are great, and it's just a quality product IMO.

Unfortunately, the sales of the Shield and the Web haven't been spectacular. Some more Red Circle characters are going to be phased in as second features in the books, giving the Inferno and the Hangman a break for a while.

If nothing else, you should at least try and find the one shots that were done by J. Michael Straczynski in 2009. He did a one shot issue for each of the 4 main Red Circle characters and basically set them on a course that their volumes would follow.

I just wanted to get the word out about these guys because I'm really enjoying it and I think there are some people out there who just haven't given them a chance yet.

Anyways, thanks for reading!

COOL SONG OF THE DAY -

2009! It's over!

2010-01-23T11:47:00.015-05:00

2009 has come and gone. To commemorate, here’s my top ten favorite things from last year. I know this post is late, but it's still January, so I think we're okay.

10. Mutemath – Armistice: From their early garage-band days in New Orleans to their debut self-titled album on Teleprompt records, and their eventual current-day signing with Warner Bros. Records, Mute Math has come a long way. Armistice, while not the album that many expected, reflects their evolution as a group of musicians and “band of Christians” who are not a “Christian” band. It's a fun album. Don't think too much about the fact that they were on the Twilight soundtrack, and you'll find little to complain about.

9. Shadow Complex (Xbox Live Arcade): A Metroidvania-style dungeon crawling platforming combat heavy adventure, Shadow Complex is obviously difficult to describe in few words. With an adventure than can easily last eight to ten hours in a straight run, and upwards of fifteen if the player takes the time to explore everything the titular underground installation has to offer, Shadow Complex is well worth its weight in Gold – or Microsoft Points.

8. Star Trek (JJ Abrams): JJ Abrams alternate/parallel universe/reboot/whatever the hell you want to call it was met with both critical acclaim and box office success. Many decried the liberties taken with the story and the apparent overuse of lens flares, but there’s practically no denying that 2009’s Star Trek was a thrill ride unmatched by any other film last year. Sorry, Transformers.

7. David Crowder – Church Music: Crowder is back. The long anticipated follow up to 2007's Remedy is rife with what's made the DGB so well loved by the CCM community, while doing a fair job of avoiding the trappings of stagnant repetition that so often plague it. This is no “Jesus Messiah”, no Amazing Grace rewrite. It may not be the genre defying masterpiece that was A Collision, but it is very much its own animal. With tracks like Phos Hilron (Oh Gladdening Light[an updated version of the first Christian hymn ever known to exist]) a cover of Flyleaf's All Around Me (Lacey of Flyleaf also sings backup in one track) and whole table original pieces give Church Music a many-faceted and addictive quality. The collectors edition also came with an autographed vinyl of the album, which my friend Ryan gave me for Christmas.

6. Halo 3: ODST: By no means the best game of 2009, and not the most innovative (okay, not really innovative at all), ODST may seem rather mediocre when stacked up against other shooters – hell, other games in general – released during 2009, but there’s no denying that it was fun. ODST humanized the Halo universe in a way not done previously within the games in the series. We even reviewed it for you.

5. N9ne: CGI films about sentient toys, animals and automobiles have run a dime a dozen since Toy Story popularized the medium back in the day. N9ne, however, is not your run of the mill talking [insert object here] family film. Set in a post apocalyptic future where Humanity is extinct, N9ne follows a band of sentient robots as they struggle to survive and complete the mission left to them by their now-dead creator. It’s a moving story, with a gloomy art style and atmosphere, and some cool monster designs to boot.

4. Left 4 Dead 2: The best way to make a game just might be to hand the player a gun and say “OMG ZOMBIES.” This year we fought Nazi zombies, Dr. Ned’s zombies, and top-down indie zombies (I MAED A GAM3 W1TH Z0MBIES 1N IT!!!!). But Left 4 Dead 2 doesn’t complicate things, by doing what its predecessor did so well and adding new gameplay modes and elements to keep the idea fresh. With three other players, either human or computer controlled, you are placed in a massive level and told, “OMG ZOMBIES.” Then you kill them. That’s about all there is to it, but the formula never seems to get old. The addition of new weapons such as chainsaws, guitars, a variety of new guns and modifiers such as laser sights and incendiary ammo all ensure that players will be surviving this apocalypse for a long time to come.

3.Mini Ninjas: perhaps the sleeper hit of the year, Mini Ninjas is a deep, rich adventure game disguised as a kiddie title. You are placed in control of Hiro, a ninja sent by his master to rescue his ninja buddies and defeat the evil samurai warlord. As you defeat the warlord’s minions, they transform back into cute forest animals. Then you platform for awhile and fight some more minions. Simple as it sounds, there’s much more to it. As you progress you gain access to Hiro’s friends’ unique powers and abilities as they are rescued. You also unlock Kuji magic spells and items to aid you in your quest. The interesting part is that any and all of the items and spells are rarely, if ever necessary, allowing the player to tackle the game’s individual challenges in whatever way best suits their playing style. The ability to switch ninjas on the fly can make for some interesting combat scenarios. Intriguing elements like a hat that deflects arrows AND can be used as a boat, and the ability to create healing potions and other items using “alchemy” mean that Mini Ninjas has a lot to offer anyone who’s not put off by it’s cutsie art style and presentation. And if we’re being honest, the game is just so darn cute.

2. Halo Wars: Halo, the first person shooter than practically made the Xbox was originally intended to be an RTS. While the formula has never really worked on a console before, the late Ensemble Studios proved that it can, providing that players are willing to sacrifice some of the resource management that has so long been a staple of the RTS genre. Ensemble Studios brought us the Age titles (Age of Empires and Age of Mythology), and know what they’re doing when it comes to RTS gaming. The Halo universe translates well into a top-down battlefield, giving players a new look at the weapons, characters and settings that make up the Halo mythology. The Master Chief is nowhere to be seen, but I doubt you'll miss him.

1. Borderlands: In terms of graphical stylishness, solid gameplay mechanics, originality, approach to multiplayer, sheer fun and myriad other concerns that are tried and weighed by reviewers and players alike, Borderlands stood apart from the crowd in 2009. Seamlessly merging RPG leveling and looting with the frantic instant-satisfaction of first person shooters, Borderlands is a title that offers a lot – a LOT – to anyone willing to put the time into its campaign. New-game-plus functions and the most player-friendly co-op I've ever seen, as well as four character classes with unique abilities and playstyles ensure that you'll be returning to the wastes of Pandora for years to come. Also, who doesn't love Claptrap?

HONORABLE MENTIONS (Almost, but not quite): A Day To Remember – Homesick (Yes, If It Means A Lot to you is great, but the rest of the album runs together), Watchmen (So close, yet so far. I want my Brain Monster back.), Resident Evil 5 (RE4 should have just been moved to Africa. You didn't need to change anything, Capcom), Lost Planet 2 Demo (LP2 would probably be on this list if it hadn't been delayed. Twice.)

2009 in Review! Sort of..

2010-01-02T22:14:00.004-05:00

I had the perfect end-of-the-year article written, intending to go up BEFORE New Year’s Day, not after, but bad luck and a fried computer put an end to that. So let’s try this again. First off, here’s a list of every review I did this year, in case you missed a few:

The Anubis Gates
Steamboy, Blade II, Dune, Repo! The Genetic Opera soundtrack, Endless Ocean
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Kingdom Hospital
Watchmen
Scott Pilgrim, Crecy, Hellspawn, Sky Doll, the Walking Dead
MadWorld and House of the Dead: Overkill
Tokyo Gore Police
Ultimate Wolverine Vs Hulk
Mother 3
PS3 demos for Dante’s Inferno and Bayonetta
Stalker

…Damn, that’s a lot more than I remember doing.

Anyways! We’re not going to do things the way I did last time. We’ll review things differently.

MOVIES:
District 9- This is my favorite movie of the year, and in my opinion the best. I wanted to do a full review for it so badly, but never got the chance. Tight, fast-paced, realistic, gruesome, smart, there is nothing wrong with this film in my eyes.
Friday the 13th- I almost forgot I saw this. Why did I see this? Have you seen the other Friday the 13th films? Then you know what to expect.
Star Trek- Tied with the next movie for my second/third favorite of the year. Sleek, extremely entertaining, and successful in making Star Trek relevant again.
Zombieland- The funniest movie I’ve seen in a long time, breathing fresh life into the overstuffed and stale zombie genre. Zombie films are getting to be a dime a dozen these days, but this one is so worth watching.
Coraline- A grand stop-motion animated adaptation of Neil Gaiman’s children’s novel. Very pretty stuff.
Avatar- 3D. Very epic. Lots of action and explosions, 8-foot blue cat-like aliens, and a dumb story. Worth seeing once, but that’s it.

This was also the year I decided that I love body horror. How I didn’t realize it before thanks to films like Tetsuo the Iron Man and Slither, I don’t know, but Wikus Van der Merwe’s transformation over the course of District 9, David Cronenburg’s fucked up classic Videodrome, and my review of Tokyo Gore Police confirmed this, along with a novel I’ll mention later.

VIDEOGAMES:
New Super Mario Bros. Wii- Only halfway through it, but so far it’s incredibly fun, and the multiplayer aspect makes things equal parts more fun and frustrating. Teamwork wins, but it can also send friendships crashing and burning. Quite possibly my Game of the Year.
Muramasa: The Demon Blade- Runner-up for GOTY, considering how many hours I put into it. Yeah, this side scrolling hack-n’-slash is a bit repetitive and the environments repeat themselves, but it’s a beautiful game with a unique story, great classical Japanese style, and addicting and simple combat.
Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure- Best DS game of the year, and I bet you didn’t play it. Great little side scrolling platformer with a puzzle twist to it. EA has started making stunningly original games lately, but no one seems to pay much attention.
Retro Game Challenge- Another one nobody really played, but still great. 5 super-retro games in one, including a dazzling vertical spaceship shooter that I love a lot, which brings back a lot of memories of playing videogames as a little kid.
Bit.Trip Beat & Bit.Trip Core- This Wiiware-exclusive series is excellent. Core is much stronger than Beat, but both are quite challenging and unique, while serving as great throwbacks to old Atari games and a personal favorite of mine, Rez.
Scribblenauts- When I first bought it, I thought it was the best thing ever. YOU CAN SUMMON CTHULHU. And make him kill stuff! But after going through the first handful of worlds, it just started getting tedious, annoyingly repetitive, and just dumb, so I never finished it. All that hype and potential, squandered.

MUSIC:
I bought three new albums this year, all with a lot of promise, but faltering nevertheless. Mastodon’s Crack the Skye ditched the band’s usual hardcore metal style and got a lot more prog, with longer songs that rambled too much and lacked the brutality evident in their previous album. The Mars Volta’s album Octahedron is most definitely their softest, tamest album, with very little meandering chaos and madness, and while it has a couple of my new favorite songs by the band, it still feels a bit lackluster, but is nevertheless solid. Gallows came out with a second album, Grey Britain, and it’s miles above their first album, much tighter, more focused and aggressive, less grating on the ears, but it can wear out its welcome pretty quickly. I spent most of this year just getting videogame music and digging through Radiohead’s entire body of work, along with getting into K.M.F.D.M. and Portishead, yes.

COMICS:
This is the year I finally grew sick of superhero comics, or more specifically, the river of crap being spat out by Marvel and DC, with the exception of Wednesday Comics, but I only picked all of that up after it hit the dollar bins. My comic of the year happens to be the second volume of the Umbrella Academy, Dallas. I consider the first volume, Apocalypse Suite, to be one of the best damn comics ever written, and Dallas manages to top it. Great art, brilliant twists, great characters, crazy ideas, and exceptional pacing. This comic blows me away. The fifth volume of Scott Pilgrim was also phenomenal, and really leaves me worried about what is going to happen in the sixth and final volume. Both books really get you invested in their characters in ways few other comics do. Growing weary of superhero stuff, I’ve started wading through more obscure, weirder stuff. Lots of foreign sci fi comics were acquired, several issues of Heavy Metal and Epic Illustrated, stuff like that, none of it as satisfying as I would have hoped, but still better than I imagine Dark Reign is.

NOVELS:
I read two new novels that came out this year. Well, one and a half. First was the Strain, written by one of my favorite directors, Guillermo del Toro, alongside Chuck Hogan. It’s a more realistic look at vampires, and it starts off in a very brilliant, terrifying way, but loses a lot of steam thanks to awkward pacing and characters I just really didn’t care for. I only got halfway through it. Second, we have the Death of Bunny Munro, written by Nick Cave. It’s strange, dark, depressing, perverted, pretty much like Nick Cave’s music, only not quite as engrossing or satisfying. I went through a few older sci fi novels this year, though, my favorite being Antibodies by David J. Skal. It’s sci fi with a few doses of body horror shot in for good measure, fast, bleak, decadent, and relentless. Excellent stuff.

…Aaaaaannnndddd that’s it. I wonder what my first review for 2010 will be?

[Brett]

Stalker (1979)

2009-12-21T21:44:00.002-05:00

“There are no such thing as facts. Especially here.”

If you have a short attention span and can only watch films with tits, explosions, rapid editing, and loud music, turn away now and go read my review for Tokyo Gore Police instead. This one’s a much different beast, and yet it’s my second favorite movie of all time. Every aspect of this movie resonates with me in a way I can't explain.

Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky, the Russian director responsible for the original Solaris (you may be familiar with the remake that has George Clooney in it), Stalker is a slow, quiet, thought-provoking film released in 1979, based off of a science fiction novel entitled Roadside Picnic.

The story is deliciously simple: Three men, a writer, a professor, and the titular Stalker (who refer to each other by their professions, you never get their real names) head out to a forbidden place called the Zone, in order to find a room where it is said your innermost wish will come true. The theory is that the Zone is a place that was hit with a meteorite, and the town that used to be there was obliterated, so the government roped it off. No one lives there. The only wildlife are birds, which are mostly just heard, rarely seen. Most everyone who was sent in, including the Russian military, never came out. People just disappear.

"My dear, our world is hopelessly boring. Therefore, there can be no telepathy, or apparitions, or flying saucers, nothing like that. The world is ruled by cast-iron laws, and it's insufferably boring. Alas, those laws are never violated. They don't know how to be violated. So don't even hope for a UFO, that would've been too interesting."

It’s also an incredibly beautiful place. The beginning of the movie is filmed in black and white, through a sepia filter, adding to the grit and dirt of the Stalker’s little shack, the rundown bar they meet up in, and the grungy military checkpoints they have to sneak and rush through in order to get into the Zone. 37 minutes in, when they finally reach the Zone, the film goes full color, so you can see it in all it’s splendor. The grass is incredibly tall, with a faint mist in the distance, and rundown old buildings that have been reclaimed by nature over time. The first thing this reminded me of are two of the most beautiful videogames I've ever played: Ico and Shadow of the Colossus. Gorgeous, desolate stretches of land with not a single soul in sight. The Stalker comments that it’s the quietest place in the whole world, and one can certainly agree, as all you hear are the twittering of birds and the beautiful, haunting score of the film. It’s all shot very beautifully, lovingly, with long takes and slow camera work that let you drink in the scenery and the characters.

As beautiful as it is, the Zone is also dangerous. It constantly shifts, mutates, like a labyrinth, and you cannot make a direct path to the room. "How far away is the room?" one of the characters asks the Stalker, who knows his way around, and he responds, "straight ahead, it's about 200 meters, but we cannot go straight." At one point he explains to them that the Zone does not allow good people or evil people to pass through it, only wretched men who have lost all hope. The Zone is treated like a creature, a living place. You never get a sense of just how dangerous it is, and that's probably one of the film's only flaws, but it is beautiful beyond what words can describe. The interiors themselves are amazing, old, ruined, and you just sense that there's...something in it. You know the place is alive, you can feel that it is a character just as much as the three men who are exploring it. There are weird bits too, like a telephone that mysteriously works, in a room that inexplicably has electricity, and a scene where the Zone actually supposedly speaks to Writer.

"You’re not even capable of thinking in abstractions."

Much of the dialogue is very poetic, philosophical. It’s rather dense stuff. Writer talks about how he fears he's losing inspiration, how he thinks of his readers, how men only write when they are in doubt. He’s a cynic and a skeptic, a bit of an ass, but still completely, utterly human. There's a beautiful monologue he delivers, sitting at a well in a huge, cavernous room where the floor is covered completely in sand dunes, after he traverses through a long, dark, terrifying tunnel referred to as the “meat mincer.” All three of the characters have incredibly wonderful, private, moving moments where their emotions and ideals are laid out bare for the viewer to see, and it's heart-wrenching. These are not young, plucky guys in their 20's, all three of them are aged, weathered, beaten men, far from ignorant, but not quite intellectuals. Just as Stalker says, wretched. I think it's something that the Zone brings out in them, that makes it so easy to see right into their hearts and know what their souls are like...

Once it was over, I could only just sit, and think, and breathe. It was amazing. I’ve watched it 3 times since then, finally acquiring a DVD copy as a Christmas gift just the other day, and it still never fails to hypnotize me and leave me thinking and musing. It is admittedly a very long, slow movie (around two and a half hours), where things happen more or less in real time, with long, continuous takes, and admittedly not a whole lot happens outside of the characters traversing the landscape while talking, but that doesn’t in any way diminish the experience.

Really, if you watch it, I mean, actually watch it, and it doesn't do anything to you, if it doesn't make you feel something deep inside of you, make you think, or anything...you are not human…

The film is easily found on Google Video in its entirety (this is how I watched it the first three times), and while it’s a little compressed and the timing with the subtitles is a tad off halfway through the film, it’s still worth it. The DVD has greatly improved audio and visuals, but the print they used wasn’t in the best condition, so there are some vertical lines that are pretty clear in certain shots, colors and lighting will fade in and out, but in all honesty, it does not diminish the experience at all. This is a must-see movie, especially if you consider yourself a bit of a film snob or connoisseur. Sit back, relax, and take it in. This is a true work of art.

[Brett]

Flash: Rebirth (Series Review Thus Far)

2009-12-18T22:55:00.002-05:00

I'm currently a student writer for one of the websites at my college. This past semester (which is ALMOST over for me) we had to write a certain amount of blog entries to be featured on the main site. We were free to write about pretty much anything we wanted, so I decided to write a little review of the comic series "Flash: Rebirth" that is ongoing right now and is being written by Geoff Johns.

Keep in mind - this is an article for a college website where I'm trying to explain "comic book logic" to an audience of teachers and other staff at my school, so if it seems weird at parts, you'll have to forgive me.

Anyways, check it out!

__ __ __ __

Growing up, I relied on many things to escape the reality around me. I would often get home from school and play a video game for hours, just diving into the experience and taking in all it had to offer. It wasn't that I hated real life around me by any means, but to me, there was so much more that the world had to offer in other forms of entertainment.

I loved playing soccer and being outside with my friends, but if I didn't have things like video games or comics to fall back on, I don't know what I would have done.

The only reason I even say any of this is to explain where I'm coming from. Being 21 years old now and feeling more mature than I ever have in my life, I still love to kick back any time of the day in a comfy chair and just read a good comic book.

One of my favorite super heroes growing up was "The Flash". I'm sure in some way or another you've heard of him -- he was the guy who wore a red outfit with yellow lightning bolts and ran super fast. Well, in current comic book continuity, the Flash is experiencing quite the event. A series known as "The Flash: Rebirth" is taking place withing DC Comics and it's more or less a "reboot" to generate a following in the Flash again by bringing back the comic book character, Barry Allen.

So I'll get you up to speed here :
1. The first person in comics to take the name of Flash was Jay Garrick. He was a guy who wore a metal cap with wings that resembled something that one of the Roman Gods (such as Mercury) may have worn. He could run at super speeds and used his powers to fight crime and do good.
2. The second person to be use the name Flash was Barry Allen. His costume is by far the most popular and is the one you're likely familiar with. Barry was a police scientist who was struck by lightning while working on a case and gained super speed. Like Jay, he used his speed to fight crime and do good and was also friends with other heroes such as the Green Lantern, Superman, Aquaman, and so on. Barry's character was killed off in a massive storyline called "Crisis on Infinite Earths" that happened in 1985.
3. The third person to take up the name of Flash is my favorite, Wally West. Wally was originally Barry's sidekick known as "Kid Flash" and was similar to Robin in the way Robin was Batman's partner. Wally took up the mantle of the Flash after Barry passed on. I was born in 1988, so I grew up reading about Wally West as the Flash.
4. The fourth person to become the Flash is Bart Allen. Bart is actually Barry's grandson from the future (don't ask) and was actually killed while he was using the Flash mantle, yet due to time travel was able to come back from the future AGAIN and has returned as Kid Flash, sidekick to Barry and Wally.

Confused? Don't feel surprised.

Needless to say, the legacy of the hero known as the Flash is quite confusing and not very accessible to the outside world. That is whas the storyline "Flash: Rebith" was designed to solve. A writer for DC known as Geoff Johns had great success by making the Green Lantern series more simplified and accessible to all readers in a series he did called "Green Lantern: Rebirth" a few years ago, so the head decision-makers at DC thought it would be a good idea for him to "fix" the Flash series, if you will.

Basically, Flash: Rebirth is a 6-issue series that would explain how the character Barry Allen has come back to life and how he must deal with living after being dead for so long.

How did Barry come back to life? In a comic book story known as "Final Crisis" that happened in 2008, Barry returned from the future and helped Wally and many others take out a super villain known as Darkseid.

It probably seems very uninviting to the outside world, but to a comic book fan it eventually sinks in.

I actually find the series to have a great concept -- how does someone who has been thought to be dead for SO LONG all of the sudden deal with coming back to life? And someone with SUPER SPEED at that?

Much of the Flash mythology deals with how frustrating it is for someone with super speed to slow down and deal with real life situations, so having to come back to life and deal with others who thought you were dead for so long -- how could anyone handle that?

Thus far, the single issues have been great. As I said before, the writing is done by Geoff Johns and the art is done by Ethan Van Schiver.

_ _ _ _ _ _

5 of the 6 issues have hit store shelves and more or less, this is what has happened.

We know that Barry Allen, as a child, was a good hearted kid who enjoyed reading comics and spending time with his family. He returned home one day to find that his mother had been murdered, and the police conclude that Barry's father is the culprit. Barry grows up knowing that Barry's father is innocent and dedicates his life to proving this. He becomes a police scientist and gets a reputation for always being late and never leaving on time. The whole concept of a schedule could not be farther from his mind.

We see how Barry got his powers, being struck by lightning near chemicals in the police lab, and get a quick run down of the Flash legacy. As of right now, there are actually 4 living humans who go by the Flash name - Jay Garrick, Barry Allen, Wally West, and Bart Allen (with Bart being KID Flash). All of these characters, along with some other "Speedsters" work together to fight crime and basically be superheroes.

A character known as "Professor Zoom" (with his secret identity being Eobard Thawne) is the main villain in the story, and a super villain at that. I could spend pages talking about his backstory, but basically all you need to know is that he is a sick and twisted character with super speed and is bent on ruining the legacy of the Flash.

I hate to spoil the entire series thus far, but we just found out in the last issue that Zoom is the one responsible for murdering Barry's mother. In other words, Professor Zoom actually TRAVELED BACK IN TIME to murder Barry's mother because of how much he hates Barry Allen.

As issue 6 is not yet out, the story isn't done, and things are not looking good for our heroes. Wally West's son seems to have lost his super powers and Barry Allen's wife, Iris, is the next victim of Zoom. The issue ended with a disturbing panel of Zoom saying "As long as I kill Iris, everything will be alright."

I know how overwhelming and boring this must seem to someone who doesn't read comics but I can't stress enough how important this series is for the character of the Flash. I grew up reading about Wally West, but in recent years sales of the series haven't been great. With Barry Allen back, the series has a real chance to be more accessible to new readers and possibly boost the legacy of the Flash onto the level of someone like Superman or Batman.

Issue 6 is slated to come out just a few days before Christmas of 2009, and I'm really looking forward to the last issue. Even more exciting is that next year a new volume of "The Flash" comic series will start and it has all the potential to be the best volume yet.

Rise of The Argonauts

2009-12-18T22:41:00.004-05:00

I like Greek mythology. I always have. When I heard that there was a game based around the legend of Jason and the Golden Fleece, I was intrigued. It took me awhile to get around to playing it, however – big name titles like Gears of War 2, Halo 3: ODST and Borderlands have occupied my 360's disk drive for the last several months. I've also taken to revisiting old favorites like Lost Planet, and these combined have maintained a rather complete monopoly on my play time. But Rise of The Argonauts has been on my “to try” list for awhile, and with its used price dropping to $17.99 at Gamestop, this seemed like a pretty good time to try it.

Rise of The Argonauts is, at its core, Mass Effect set to the tune of Greek mythology. When I heard summaries like this used to the describe the title prior to playing it, I wasn't sure how to feel about it.
Most of the elements that made Mass Effect (and other Bioware RPGs, for that matter) noteworthy are here. Exploration of multiple environments, a cast of interchangeable party members (and cutscenes which differ depending on your choice of party), an action based combat system as opposed to a turn based one, and heavy emphasis on a semi-functional conversation simulator as a means of campaign progression.

It seems a simple enough question – did you like Mass Effect? If so, you might like Argonauts. Did you not like Mass Effect? Then leave Argonauts alone. I firmly believe, however, that one would be sorely mistaken if this is the basis by which they decide whether or not to play this game. I will you why.

Rise of The Argonauts is an action-RPG, and there's no denying it. You will explore several dungeons, acquire party members as you progress, fight an ancient evil, save mankind, et cetera so forth, but you will also do so in a bastardized retelling of Greek Mythology. Many familiar names are present – Hercules, Achilles, Argos, Medusa, Perseus, and of course the player's character, Jason. Their stories are not preserved in the most accurate fashion, but we're not here for a history lesson, and only the most steadfastly prude mythology buffs are likely to take offense. Can you fight minotaurs with Achilles and Hercules at your side? Yes. Is it awesome? Yes.

While we're on the subject of battle, the combat system warrants close examination. As I've said, battles are not turn based, but rather action oriented, giving the player direct control over Jason as he cuts, bashes and stabs his way through legions of Ionian mercenaries, Satyrs, Tartarus Fiends, Blacktongue sorcerers, and then some.
You have no control whatsoever over your party members. This is frustrating at times, particularly in situations where enemies must be defeated in a certain place, but Hercules and Pan are insistent upon running into the green ooze which makes the Tartarus Fiends invincible and fighting them there, instead of following your lead and luring them onto dry land where they can actually be killed.
To be fair though, this only happened once. Support characters do their job well, and contribute a great deal to the melee in even the most frantic of combat situations. They score genuine kills, and take the some of heat off of Jason when the fighting gets thick. Each character (Atalanta, Pan, Hercules, and Achilles) has their own unique fighting style and special abilities. They don't level up however, and you can't change their equipment, almost relegating them to an aspect of the scenery, so you probably won't spend too much time in deciding which to take into battle.
As far as what you can control in combat, Jason himself is your sole vehicle. This is where Argonauts really shines, presenting us with a combat system that is both simple and engrossing. Attack combinations are executed through simple button mashing, and pretty much every enemy in the game is defeated in a fashion one would utilize in even the simplest hack 'n slash/beat 'em up title. Different attack and weapon combinations yield different results each time a new button is added to the mix, and with a mace, sword and spear at your fingertips, you'll find no shortage of ways to dispatch your foes. Multi-weapon combos are also present (switching weapons mid-attack for extra damage) and Jason's shield is used for both attack (decapitations, specifically) and defense. You will also gain access to special God Powers as you play, which change the flow of combat in a variety of ways. Argonauts is a gory battlefield, and a fun one at that. Even so, you'll probably find yourself using the same patterns over and over again (I'm particularly fond of the spear thrust followed by a shield decapitation), and the fighting wears thin after an hour or two of play time. If I had to summarize it, I'd say it lies somewhere between God of War and Dynasty Warriors, equal parts intricate and repetitive.
The leveling and stat progression system is heavily streamlined, giving you more time to focus on the quest for the Golden Fleece itself. You'll spend a minimal amount of time managing Jason's stats, a task which is quite simply performed by assigning skill points in the form of your completed sidequests and story missions. As opposed to a skill tree, you are presented with the concept of devoting any given quest to one of Jason's four patron gods (Apollo, Ares, Athena and Hermes). Each god or goddess enhances different aspects of Jason's combat efficiency, meaning that you have to choose whether or not you want to devote Manslayer IV (this is actually the name of a sidequest) to Ares for more attack power, or to Apollo for fast health regeneration. It's not a complicated system, and with a minimal amount of planning, you'll find yourself in control of a fairly badass Jason by the end of your fourth dungeon. The system works well, and plays into an emphasis on a casual gaming as opposed to RPG level-grinding.
Sound, graphics, camera and play controls, save-and-load and their ilk are all competent to well constructed. Autosave is ever present throughout the main quest. Cutscenes are well animated. Technically speaking Rise of The Argonauts is almost watertight, with only a few hiccups to hold it back. The occasional invisible wall (why can't I go BETWEEN the pillars instead of AROUND them?) and camera spasm (it's having a seizure because I took out my sword!) prevent Argonauts from being called structurally sound, but you'll hardly notice. If you're in the mood, you'll probably spend the majority of your time talking to the dozens of NPCs and looking forward to your next fight, as opposed to bemoaning a few annoying glitches.

It almost seems wrong to devote so much attention to a game that borrows so liberally from other titles. The aforementioned examples (God of War, Mass Effect, Dynasty Warriors) are all obvious examples of previous, successful titles that clearly influenced the Argonauts team as this game was created. You can call it a Mass Effect ripoff all you like, but as I plunged through the jungles of Saria and felled foes by the dozen in Mycenae's arena, a thought occurred to me: Rise of The Argonauts is trying most fervently to be its own game. It fails only because of the many games to come before it that did in a revolutionary way what it does so passively. This is not a soulless cash-in, but rather a sort homage. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then Rise of The Argonauts is a love letter.
And besides, if a game based on classic Christian literature can bleed God of War so shamelessly, then I see no reason why Jason and The Argonauts can't take a cue from Captain Shepperd.

PS3 Demo Impressions: Dante's Inferno + Bayonetta

2009-12-11T13:12:00.003-05:00

DANTE'S INFERNO: You’ve undoubtedly heard of Dante’s Inferno now. You know, the ultraviolent action game by EA and Visceral Games that butchers a piece of classical literature in the name of swinging a scythe around hacking shit up. The demo was just released for it on the PSN yesterday, and my friend and I took it upon ourselves to download that shit and give it a spin.

I’m going to come right out and admit, on my first play through, I did not enjoy it a whole lot. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the game, per se. From the moment I took up the controller I knew that the game played almost EXACTLY like God of War. I mean, I knew it, we all knew it, it was fairly obvious that the game was basing itself heavily off of God of War, but once you start playing and seeing everything in action, you realize that it’s…well, it’s TOO MUCH like God of War. I feel weird about it, because if more games were like God of War, there would be fewer shitty games in existence, but at the same time it feels almost like outright plagiarism and, being a fan of God of War myself, I felt kind of dirty. And while I want to judge it on it’s own level as a game, you cannot help but make comparisons unless you yourself have never played the God of War series.

The controls are virtually the same (albeit a wee bit slower since you‘re swinging around a big scythe), the Quick Time Event bits are virtually the same, there’s very little difference between the soundtracks, you gain health and magic through fountains much like how Kratos uses treasure chests, and fuck, even the spirits that come out of destroyed objects and slaughtered enemies used to gain new attacks and abilities are identical with the exception of a color swap. My first time through the demo, I kept thinking, “man, I could just be playing God of War 2 right now and probably be having more fun.”

So is any of this a really bad thing? Not necessarily. Controls are tight, the action is, erm, visceral (ugh), the Crucifix is a nice touch, and the graphics are brain-meltingly spectacular. A lot of time, effort, and money has gone into this game, and it shows very clearly.

What REALLY bothers me, however, are little nagging things concerning the cinematics and a lack of, how do I put this, thrills? which God of War provides. The first time we see Dante in the opening cinematic, he’s sitting by a fire in the middle of the forest, sewing a red fabric cross to his fucking chest. Why? I have no clue. Then we cut to strange-looking 2D animation of the crusades, and then it goes straight into the gameplay. I had no real idea where I was, what was going on, or why I was really killing these people. Then in the most anticlimactic, boring fashion, someone shoves a dagger in Dante’s back, Death shows up, and you two throw down.

Should Death really be that much of a pushover? REALLY? It’s such a dull fight too. Think back to the beginning of God of War: You’re jumping from ship to ship fighting the motherfucking HYDRA. Here, however? You kill a bunch of generic dudes and then have a boss battle against Death, and it just feels like something is not right.

But that’s not just it. Dante, to me, is not an endearing character. We don’t hear him speak much, he’s alarmingly quiet, and the cutscenes are so very convoluted that I have no real idea why things are happening. His motives are clear after he finds Beatrice dead, sure, but before that? I was lost. I just don’t really feel connected to this guy.

But I’ll probably still get the game, just not on day one or anything like that. If only because the shots of Hell that you see at the end of the demo are extremely disturbing and enticing at once, and I want to see that shit, even if I don’t care about the story or characters and even if it feels too damn derivative of God of War.

BAYONETTA: Ah, now here is my favorite of these two demos. Bayonetta has been getting quite a bit of attention. Developed by Platinum Games, the former Clover guys responsible for Madworld on the Wii (which you may recall I reviewed). Much like Dante’s Inferno, this demo fails utterly at letting you know what the fuck the story of this game is about and doesn’t let on much about who the characters are.

However, strangely enough, this time around I don’t really care. Bayonetta herself oozes personality, not just in her off-the-wall design, but in her behavior as well. One of her taunts is, I shit you not, “I have a fever, and the only cure for it is MORE DEAD ANGELS!”

Yes, my friends, you’re playing as a tall, sexy, bespectacled witch with guns on her feet, and the enemies you face are angels. Very vicious and slightly disturbing looking angels, might I add. Why? Who knows, but it beats hacking up a bunch of generic guys with swords, doesn’t it?

I’ve heard this game draw comparisons to Devil May Cry, specifically because this is directed by the same dude, but I’ve never played DMC, so I have no idea how similar they are. I can say, however, that this demo is incredibly fun and stylish. Bayonetta kicks, shoots, and punches (or slices, if you switch to her katana) her way through foes with grace and power as hyperactive Japanese piano-heavy music plays. Get your magic bar filled up and you can do “Torture Attacks” to enemies, which involve fun torture devices. The only two I’ve witnessed are an Iron Maiden which Bayonetta kicks them into, and a guillotine. She’ll actually spank the enemy while they’re in the guillotine until the blade drops.

Yes, it’s all so very over-the-top and wild, super-fast paced, and just all kinds of fun. This is a game with its tongue planted firmly in its cheek. While Dante’s Inferno is trying to be super serious and heavy, Bayonetta is light-hearted colorful. The graphics are beautiful, with all kinds of colors and the enemy designs are just as imaginative and crazy as Bayonetta herself. It’s a hell of a lot more thrilling, too, when a giant angel has grabbed the bridge you’re standing on and is swinging it around as you’re trying to fight the damn thing.

I confess, I had a bias for this from the very beginning. This is a game coming from the makers of some of the best damn action games that no one ever played on the PS2, not to mention Madworld. I can see elements of their former games in this demo alone, the ability to grab enemy’s weapons and use them is almost right out of God Hand and Madworld, as is the fact that you cannot block, only dodge, for example.

I cannot wait for this game to come out next year, yes.

(NOTE: These impressions are from the PS3 demo. I hear the 360 Bayonetta demo is actually a little different)

[Brett]

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (Campaign Only)

2009-12-10T00:22:00.013-05:00

WAR. UH. WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN'. SAY IT AGAIN!

Last month, the highly anticipated Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 slammed headfirst onto the shelves, awaiting the grubby hands of the hardcore and casual alike. A new edition of a Call of Duty game typically delivers what fans want, and in this case, much more.

In Infinity Ward’s latest installment of their Call of Duty franchise, you again assume multiple roles, first beginning your violent journey as U.S. Army Ranger Joseph Allen, instructing new recruits how to fire a weapon in Afghanistan. This, and a quick time trial serves as your tutorial and difficulty gauge. After replaying the time trial a few times to freshen up on my first-person shooter skills, I headed off into the campaign under the Normal difficulty setting.

You begin game proper taking an Afghan municipality from a group of terrorists, where you do so well that General Sheppard enlists you into his elite counter-terrorist unit, Task Force 141. Meanwhile, veteran members Gary “Roach” Sanderson and “Soap” MacTavish are retrieving a important piece of tech from a downed satellite. Allen’s first mission, as part of a CIA spec ops assignment, involves becoming one of Russian terrorist Vladimir Makarov’s right hand men.

You, Makarov, and two other of his closest buddies proceed to commit one of the most heinous acts ever put forth in a video game. Armed with automatic rifles, your new friends mow down hundreds of unarmed civilians and TSA agents in a Russian airport. Fortunately, you are only required to keep up with Makarov, not necessarily pull the trigger on the innocents. But as you watch others crawl for their lives, behind benches and coffee counters, and as you listen to the screams of terror you are enabling, you really feel quite the emotional impact of such an event. Once the act of terror as been completed, it’s revealed Makarov knows you are an American and kills you at the scene. The Russian government finds you, believes the U.S. was in support of this massacre, and subsequently launches a full scale invasion upon the East Coast, evading U.S. early detection systems. As Army Ranger Ramirez you trek the streets of the Virginian suburbs and Washington, D.C., battling the invading Russians. As Task Force 141 operative Roach you seek to find Makarov and expose him as the true mastermind behind the Russian airport slayings.

This guy is a douche. Like, biggest-douche-in-the-universe douche.

Never before have I played an action war title that felt so real. Maybe it has been a long time since I played what the industry has had to offer for war games, sticking close to futuristic titles like Halo and Half Life, but there was something peculiar about defending the front line in a shopping plaza of a Taco ToGo (Taco Bell), Burger Town (Burger King) and a sports bar and grill that looked an awful lot like TGI-Fridays. I swear, I felt as if I could have been fighting in front of a Publix, the place of my employment. The missions found out of the country didn’t strike as hard of a chord, but they were still bone shatteringly real, and the fire fights required some amount of tactics, instead of the usual run and gun of aforementioned titles. Maybe I'm just happy I'm not fighting the German's again, and in the 1940s.

Watching the Russian viciously attack the homeland made me actually angry, and I played the game with a vicious emotion. I really wanted to kill the attackers. They violated my territory, and I felt a strong tie to my task of defending what was ours, even though it was all in a virtual world. The same can be said for the task of finding and revealing that bastard Makarov.

The atmosphere and environments were top of the line. Everywhere I went, I was enthralled in the game. Nothing was so jarringly “video game” that it violated my experience. My only gripe would have to be how some of the homes you must venture into are a bit unrealistically spacey and large. My perception might be skewed, but houses, even those owned by the wealthy, aren’t usually like that. There is always an amount of clutter or tight spaces, even if it’s minimal.

The game play is something to behold. There is an even mix of “Holy shit, this is dumb” hard, where there’s a particular wall of enemies that you seem to repeatedly get trampled by, and “TAKE THAT” instances where you enact great moments of kick-assery. The game doesn’t stick to only gunplay, taking brief breaks to let you scale an ice mountain, drive a snow mobile, pilot a speed boat, and more. Some of my favorite sequences were breach and clear opportunities. You and your squad mates bust down the doors of a room, and, in bullet time, take out all the enclosed enemies. Another is using the remote controlled Predator drones, your rocket friends in the sky, to aim and fly into your biggest targets or simply a large foot team of opposing soldiers.

Shooting from the hip, what one typically does in every other first person shooter, is mostly ineffective. Instead, the game prefers you stop, aim, and fire, making for a more realistic war experience. You have to hunker down, in a trench, behind some wood, and strategically take out your foes.

Proper "hunkering down" pose.

The loading screens in-between missions were passive, because the story progressed while you waited, listening in on conversations and tactical strategies of your next task. Also, I was very pleased to see the missions progress without stopping to load the next environment in the middle of them. In game ambiance, and sound effects were brilliant. The score, main theme provided by Hollywood great Hans Zimmer, was incredible. The story, overall, was written quite cohesively and strung the campaign together nicely.

This installment of Infinity Ward’s favorite child was given so much gamer and media hype. I firmly believed it deserved every bit of it.

Oh and I’ve also heard good things about the multiplayer.

Albums I Won't Ever Shut Up About: Of Natural History (Sleepytime Gorilla Museum)

2009-12-09T13:56:00.003-05:00

"And let us dream now, the impossible dream of a math professor..."

You know them as: That band I bring up when someone says they listen to "anything but country/rap".

Sounds a bit like: An art-house metal Broadway show about how much human beings suck

Sometimes, you want something different. Sleepytime Gorilla Museum is different. And then some. With an anti-humanist theme, some intensely Satanic and apocalyptic overtones, and an almost schizophrenic musical style that seems not to know whether it wants to be metal, children's rhyme, Broadway musical number or religious hymn, Of Natural History is most definitely not for everyone. Lead vocalists Carla Kihlstedt and Nils Frykdahl each bring their own bizarre and wonderful flavor to the table—Kihlstedt with an almost childishly innocent wailing, Frykdahl alternating between harsh screaming voice and melodramatic Broadway lead. The instrumentation is...varied. The band members craft custom instruments to play on both the studio album and live performances, which creates an interesting experience no matter how you're listening to it ("frontman" Nils Frykdahl playing on a tiny children's piano is something that must be seen (if only on Youtube) to be believed).

It's not as avant-garde as some of the stuff out there (LET'S JUST MAKE A DRONING NOISE FOR THREE HOURS WHILE WEARING MASKS), but it's definitely weird.

Get it if: You're actually looking to broaden your musical palate; you want to freak your parents/grandparents/religious aunt out; you're extremely pretentious.
High Points: "The Donkey-Headed Adversary of Humanity Opens the Discussion", "Bring Back the Apocalypse", "Gunday's Child"

Albums I Won't Ever Shut Up About: The Fall of Math (65daysofstatic)

2009-12-09T12:36:00.005-05:00

Sssssssssixty-five...

You know them as: "Playing Gears? Let's plug in my iPod..."
Sounds something like: The soundtrack to the end of the world, as played by ancient robots who secretly lament the fall of humanity

If any band exemplifies the term "post-rock", 65daysofstatic is it. "Post-" not only in terms of evolution but also in terms of feel, The Fall of Math is a discordant, layered masterwork that is a musical accompaniment to Armageddon. It might blow your mind. It is this band and this album that informed me just how broad the musical landscape was out there, and that there was a Promised Land in it for anyone willing to explore its lonely wilds and vast subterranean catacombs. At once rocking, haunting, and beautiful, The Fall of Math makes good use of heavy guitar and electronic samples with a smattering of piano, backed by some of the most insane drum structures you'll hear outside of the IDM genre...all without any distracting or out-of-place vocals. The drums, both live and programmed, really move the music, putting power and urgency into each and every song.Every track, the world is ending. We're losing the fight, or winning it. Something is going on.

Oh, and as you rush to the dropship, remember to reload your assault rifle so the angels guarding the landing zone have some covering fire.

Get it if: You want a soundtrack for Fallout, Gears of War, or Half-Life 2; you like drums but dislike vocals
High Points: "Retreat! Retreat!", "I Swallowed Hard, Like I Understood", "The Fall of Math"

(Note: their second album, One Time for All Time, features "Await Rescue", hands-down one of my favorite songs ever and an exquisite battlesong.)

http://www.65daysofstatic.com/

DJ Hero Review

2009-12-07T13:04:00.013-05:00

Put ya hands up, here comes my DJ

I entered into a shaky alliance with dark forces to procure a DJ Hero bundle. I'm sure many of you shared my sentiments earlier in the year when this title was announced by Activision, something of a cross between an exasperated sigh, an incredulous "Really?! Seriously.", and that expression your dog has when he hears your voice coming out of the voicemail machine. I saw this, however, and was immediately sold.

What DJ Hero brings to the table is the charm, fresh gameplay and new method of experiencing music that the first Guitar Hero did. Pressing buttons in response to colored gems flowing down that familiar highway is still a basic staple, but more than enough has changed around that tried-and-true rhythm game mechanic to set it apart from its band-driven cousins.

The real challenge of the game comes in scratching and crossfading. You scratch by holding down a button and moving the "record", sometimes in a specific direction. Scratching feels solid and, I can only assume, fairly realistic (in the same way that holding a plastic guitar and strumming feels realistic). Crossfading is somewhat difficult to grasp at first. Using your other hand, you flick the crossfader to switch between the left track, both tracks combined, and the right track. There's also an "effects dial" that distorts certain portions of the song and doubles your multiplier, and also selects between sound clips that can be triggered during red "freestyle zones". Once you get the hang of it, it's every bit as fun as playing Guitar Hero or Rock Band—that is, if you enjoy the music.

What Freestyle Games have done musically in this title is nothing short of astounding. Nearly every song in the game is a mashup between two songs, oftentimes from completely different genres. Artists as varied as 2Pac, David Bowie, Rihanna, Beck, Marvin Gaye and Paul van Dyk contribute songs, some of which are mixed by some of the biggest names on the DJ scene, including DJ Shadow, DJ Z-Trip, and the late DJ AM. Grandmaster Flash and DJ Jazzy Jeff are also present, bringing some old-school flair to the proceedings. But even though there are more famous turntablists represented than you can shake a needle at, it never feels forced, especially with special setlists presented by all the real DJs in the game. The fictional characters are also some of the most interesting seen in a music game (Cleetus Cuts alone deserves his own adventure).

It's a solid setup, but not without its shortcomings. The weight of the turntable controller combined with a lack of stability in most scenarios makes it difficult to perform certain scratch patterns, especially on the faster scratch-centric tracks. The buttons, too, suffer from some inaccuracy at higher levels of play, where one has to press buttons almost ludicrously fast. Really, though, it is only during these few songs that you will feel as though the controller is working against you. Another minor complaint is that though the title boasts over one hundred mixes, there aren't enough unique songs. While many songs are in fact sampled multiple times—"Disturbia" by Rihanna and Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" each appearing in no less than three separate mixes—the fact remains that the overwhelming majority of the music is excellent.

The game does feature a few multiplayer modes, including play over Xbox Live. The mode that I'm sure many followers of the game have been itching to try out—where another player straps on a Guitar Hero controller to accompany the DJ—is solid, if a little flat. The only issue here is that the guitar songs are far too repetitive to be any real fun, and my cohort and I have yet to return to it. DJ vs. DJ was not reviewed, as I hate other people and have chosen Xbox Live Silver as my self-imposed exile, and also neither one of us has another turntable controller. A final mode, while not multiplayer, allows you to set the game to play itself, basically becoming your own personal VJ. With the great background presentation that's actually fun to watch even when you're not playing and the option to jump in at any moment, it's a great mode for parties (so long as no one spills Jack and Coke on your precious turntable).

Having said all of this, I know those of you considering a purchase are still worried about the clincher: the $120 price tag. While I absolutely love the game, I have to say that for a brand-new franchise Activision is trying to launch with the shortcomings it presents, it's too much. Not grossly so, but I think perhaps ninety would have been sufficient (as that's what Guitar Hero II for the 360 cost at launch). One could argue that Activision is cautious about the profit margin and figures if less people buy it they may as well get a bigger cut from those who do, but if someone with no desire to buy it in the first place sees the price, I think it might deter potential new attachers, especially since so few retailers have a demo station set up.

In short, the game is a great first entry in a new franchise which represents a new direction for Activision's massively popular music game/peripheral market. Though a bit pricey, the bundle is a lot of fun so long as you dig the music.

Borderlands: A First Look

2009-11-11T15:41:00.002-05:00

Listed as a FPS RPG this game at first sounds like it wouldn't work well. To many the style of RPG makes them think of Dungeons and Dragons and turn based combat and the FPS genre springs to mind face paced non-stop action shooting at anything that moves. To some these are things that cannot be combined, yet if you look at a lot of games nowadays you will notice that many genres are often cut up to combine other games.

Borderlands takes the experience and skill models from RPGs and puts them in the world of an FPS. You find guns instead of swords with various powers and strengths. This model works amazingly well and to (and The Captain) holds a feel similar to an MMO with a persistant world and enemies that respawn a while after they are killed. You find quests around the world and earn xp boosts completing them. I have only played through the first couple of bosses so far but the model works very well. The characters have an ability to recover if they manage to kill a monster after they are injured to near death allowing you to solo some of the tougher areas without dying too much. The game also has a revive system that deducts a specific amount of money as a penalty for dying.

I enjoy this game and plan to make a full review after I have completed it.

Halo 3: ODST

2009-10-03T13:27:00.011-04:00

WARNING: I am a shameless, unabashed Halo nerd. I love the universe, the characters, the plot, everything. I love it. I will make no attempt to conceal that for the duration of this review, but I will try to be as objective as possible. Then again, this is HA, and we do what we want.

Halo 3: ODST - My Xbox 360 refused to function last Monday. It displayed 'System Error: E 74. Contact Support.' I've been without it ever since, but fortunately was granted almost a week with ODST and it's accompanying Mythic disk before I shipped the console off to the repair center.

ODST is the fifth installment in the Halo game series, chronologically (in-universe) taking place in between Halo 2 and Halo 3. The series' preceding entry, Halo Wars (reviewed previously on HA), was a departure from the formula of the first three games. Replacing first person shooting with real time strategy, and the Master Chief with an entire stable of other characters, it was met with mixed reactions from the Halo fanbase. That aside, it was a solid game with good mechanics, and did take steps toward furthering the mythos of the Halo universe. Introducing new locations, scenarios and plot points, Halo Wars filled in a few blanks and gave players a look at another side of the Halo saga.

ODST continues this trend, but also returns to the series' roots. There is no resource management or population cap to be found here, but instead the classic, polished FPS formula which has made the series so famous.

The Master Chief is neither seen nor mentioned. Neither are any of the other Spartans, for that matter. Instead of the genetically and cybernetically enhanced super soldiers, we step into the boots of a team of Orbital Drop Shock Troopers. ODSTs have been a part of the Halo universe for quite some time, but this is the first opportunity we've been given to play as them (unless you count the ODST armor variants in Halo 3's multiplayer, but I digress).

To summarize the protagonist, you play as an unnamed ODST known only as "The Rookie". As the Rookie investigates the ruined streets of New Mombasa, you play through flashback sequences wherein you discover what happened to the rest of The Rookie's ODST squad, and play as each member respectively.

It should be noted that ODST can almost certainly be considered the greatest example of storytelling within the Halo universe, at least as far as the games are concerned. The dialogue is well written, and delivered to the player via such voice talent as Nathan Filion (!!!). The plot is more subtle, and less straight forward than previous entries. Instead of the standard, "Shoot the aliens because they are bad so save the humans okay?" formula, ODST raises questions at almost every turn. From the start we know only one thing - something has gone horribly wrong in New Mombasa, and the player can hope only to salvage what remains of The Rookie's squad and make it out alive. The art style of the game will remind players of some of Halo 2's early sequences, wherein The Master Chief did battle through New Mombasa, but this is a setting far more polished, and far more human that it's predecessor. It is also far darker, as New Mombasa is no longer the sprawling metropolis it once was, but rather a ruined, burning city. Audio diaries found throughout the map help to flesh out the realism of the story, as well as graffiti scrawled on the walls of derelict buildings, and the bodies of dead UNSC soldiers. This is a gritter, less space-operatic look at the Halo universe. Empathy for the characters is an easier thing to harbor than it was for the faceless Spartan 117, and the wise cracking marines which never made it to the end of a level in the first three games.

This is not, of course, to say that the teeth-gritting action of the early games is not present. Not all of the player's time is spent skulking around in alleyways and side streets. The flashback scenes in particular have the player mowing down wave after wave of Covenant enemies, piloting vehicles, throwing grenades and circle-strafing just like we're used to. If you like Halo's gameplay formula, or ever have, ODST is worth trying out. If you're one of those you simply can't stand it, then you're better off playing something else.

I could probably go on and on about everything I love about this game. As stated, I am a shameless fanboy, and it's unlikely that anything with the Halo moniker on it will fail to impress me. ODST in particular however takes serious steps, and makes a visible attempt at innovating within a series that has followed roughly the same formula for the past eight years. Make no mistake - This is Halo, but it's also something new.

The game's new multiplayer mode, Firefight, will appeal to fans of Gears of War 2's Horde Mode, or to anyone with a taste for co-operative gameplay. Firefight pits up to four players against endless waves of Covenant enemies in a closed off arena, with increasing difficulty at the end of every wave. Difficulty multipliers are activated automatically as you progress, adding a layer of challenge and breaking up some of the monotony. The arcade like point-scoring system encourages competitiveness between players, as well as creativity in how the player scores kills (different weapons yield different points values). It's a nice addition to the Halo universe, and one that Bungie will hopefully expand upon in the future.

All in all ODST is a worthy addition to the library of any fan of first person shooters, and an essential for any Halo fan. I count myself among both groups, and enjoyed nearly every minute I spent with ODST's 6-8 hour campaign. A bonus disk including every Halo 3 map to date, as well as three new ones, and Halo 3's matchmaking system is included. It's also worth noting that with the launch of Halo Waypoint on November 5th 2009, ODST will be one of only three games which (as of that date) supports Avatar awards on the Xbox 360.

An Assortment of Debris

2009-09-17T15:01:00.006-04:00

I haven't posted in awhile. So just because I had the idea, here's a quick rundown of stuff I've laid hands on recently,

Star Wars: Battlefront 2 - I've loved this game for years. Finding a copy for five dollars at my local Blockbuster was like a gift from the heavens. It's just as good as I remember, and if you have the Xbox version, with an active Live account and a valid credit card tied to said account, you can download content from Battlefront 1. Also Kit Fisto. Kit Fisto.

The Golden Compass(Xbox 360) - This is what you do with The Golden Compass, if you're ever in a position where you have to play it.

1. Try to enjoy the first five minutes where you're a polar bear.

2. Endure the ten minutes where you play as a useless little girl.

3. Earn the 10GS for beating the first boss, as a polar bear.

4. Immediately remove the game from your console, return it to its case, and throw it out the window. Never speak of it again.

DiRT (Xbox 360) Your approach to DiRT should pretty much be the same as that concerning The Golden Compass; play the first mission, get a couple achievements, and then get rid of it. Unless you like racing games, and then you might be tempted to spend a little more time with it. If that's the case, then go for it, but since I don't like racing games, and never play them, it's difficult for me to comment on the quality. I will say that the game is pretty, and the graphics are impressive by any standard. 'Course, I was drinking when I played it, so take from that what you will.

Condemned 2: Bloodshot (Xbox 360) - I only played this game for about twenty minutes, and it didn't hook me. Everything was dark and covered in black slime. Then there were monster things that burst into more black slime when you hit them. Graphics were good, though.

Virtua Fighter 5 (Xbox 360) - Maybe if I'd played this back when it came out, I would have enjoyed it more, but in a world where Soul Calibur 4 has already spent several hours dozen in my console, and Tekken 6 is only a short ways away, Virtua Fighter didn't impress me. At all. The graphics and sound were acceptable. Everything has a glossy, plastic look to it. The controls were stiff, and I found combos to be a difficult thing to pull off. Meh.

The Darkness (Xbox 360) - If you've ever watched Yahtzee's review of this game's demo, then you have a pretty good idea of what it's about. The controls weren't bad, but I had to manually adjust the aim sensitivity. The graphics were good. The narrative is interesting, but I didn't get far enough to really comment on it. Sound effects are good.

All of these were purchased from the buy-one-get-one bin at Blockbuster. As for the good stuff,

Shadow Complex (Xbox 360) - Hell yes. Hell. Yes. This game wins on all fronts, as far as I'm concerned. You can read a full review at just about any major game site, but if you're looking for another recommendation, you've found it. At 1200 MS points, Shadow Complex is well worth it's weight in gold. Or something. Herm.

Mass Effect: Pinnacle Station (Xbox 360) - At only five dollars, Pinnacle Station is a decent addition to the Mass Effect universe, but it's hardly a compelling one. It consists of a series of combat scenarios which, upon completion, award the player with a cumulative total 150GS. This bumps Mass Effect's total achievable Gamerscore up to 1200GS, if you're into that kind of thing. The early descriptions promised four hours of gameplay, but I completed it in about two, by my count. If anything, Pinnacle Station is a look at what multiplayer might look like when applied to the Mass Effect game model, and it's an interesting experiment.

Wet(Demo [Xbox 360]) - If you like guns, swords, hot chicks in tight leather, Quentin Tarentino, or extreme violence, give this demo a whirl. The demo contains a good twenty minutes of solid gameplay, and is a roller coaster ride of ludicrous, unadulterated fun. Slow-mo shooting and absurd acrobatics abound in this third person action game, as well as cinematic quick-time events ala God of War, and gameplay which will brings to mind John Woo's Stranglehold and even the Prince of Persia series. Try it. Go on.

Left 4 Dead - I suppose I'm late to the party on this one, but oh well. Left 4 Dead is a multiplayer survival-horror FPS extravaganza, which really doesn't do anything to revolutionize any one of the three. It does, however, do everything it sets out to do, providing players with several solid hours of good, clean, undead fun. Give it a rental, if nothing else.

ODST comes out Tuesday. Expect a review.

Mother 3

2009-07-07T12:18:00.004-04:00

This is the first JRPG I’ve ever actually beaten.

There, I admitted it. As many Final Fantasy titles and such that I’ve played, I’ve never before beaten a single JRPG in my life, except for the Pokémon titles, and I’m not so sure those count. It was on my list of things to do before I die, beat a traditional JRPG, and now I’ve done it with Mother 3.

So what led me to play this game to completion while I can’t beat a single Final Fantasy? A number of things, really.

Mother 3 is the third and possibly final title in the Mother series of RPGs made by Nintendo. The first game, on the NES, never came to America, but the second one is best known here in the west as Earthbound on the SNES. Mother 3 also was never released in America, it’s a Japan-only GBA game. Thankfully, a crack team of hardcore fans got together and translated the game into English for us to play with the magic of Not-Emulators. Because emulating games you don’t already own is illegal, kids!

I’d played a bit of Earthbound before out of curiosity, and it was quite charming, funny, and sometimes outright surreal, so I was hoping for more of that when I gave Mother 3 a spin, and I was not at all disappointed. The story goes as such: The little village of Tazmily is the happiest place around. Everyone is kind and there is no form of currency at all, you can just walk into the general store and take whatever you need. Yes, it’s the happiest little place around…until tragedy strikes a small family made up of a husband (I named him Warren), his wife (Leia…don’t look at me like that), Lucas (you know, from Super Smash Bros Brawl?) and his twin brother Claus, and their dog who I named Dude. I won’t go into detail, but suffice it to say that the first half-hour or so of the game really messes with your emotions.

Lucas is the main character, as one would assume, but you don’t get to play as him for the first few hours of the game, instead controlling the father and a local thief (who I named Cage). The game is quite traditional as old-school JRPGs go; top-down view, turn-based battles, item management, leveling up, nothing you’ve never really seen before, but it has a few neat twists to it. There are no random encounters in the game, you see your enemies as they approach you to initiate the battles. Your HP counter is on a dial, so if you’re hit for massive damage, instead of instantly shaving off those HP and killing you, it rolls like a countdown, giving you a little bit of time to try to heal before you’re dead. It really makes those close battles thrilling, struggling to find the right item or attack to use before you’re snuffed out. And, thankfully, grinding doesn’t make up such a huge chunk of gameplay like it would in your typical Final Fantasy, so you don’t have to spend countless hours trying to level up just in order to face that one boss character who is an Arabian man with cybernetic parts and horns (as in the brass variety that play jazz music) coming out of his nose. It’s how he communicates, see, he plays smooth jazz music through those horns and a robot translates for him.

And that brings us to the main reason I loved this game and played to finish: there’s a lot of weird, quirky stuff and it’s very, very funny. Earthbound is rather infamous for its strange style and humor, and Mother 3 has it in spades. I mean come on, a major group of characters important to the game’s plot, the Magypsies, are drag queens with five-o’clock shadows! The ghosts in a haunted castle will trade you items for Rotten Eclairs, you have to fight monsters like a pile of lava wearing old grandma sunglasses with huge lips, and you spend a nice chunk of the game in disguise as members of the Pigmask army, the antagonists in the game who are responsible for all the horrible things going on. And yet, when you talk to them, they’re really not bad guys, kind of like Stormtroopers, only slightly more incompetent.

Oh, and the Mr. Saturns return, and it’s great.

So despite how it’s a bit easier than most hardcore RPGs tend to be, despite its simplistic graphics and gameplay, the story, the characters, the humor, the music, all of it wraps itself together in a unique little game that is equal parts surreal, uncomfortable, hilarious, and emotional. If only Nintendo would release it over here in America, yes?

[Brett]

Mechanical Violator Hakaider (1995)

2009-07-03T03:04:00.003-04:00

Oh, Japan. You silly little guy, you. Just when we think we've seen it all, just when you get us believing that there aren't any more crazy, awesome, tripped out movies that you've been hiding up your sleeve, you wave your arm with a magician's flourish, and before us appears yet another hour and a half of WTFery.

This film, which is apparently a spinoff of the popular Kikaider series (which has seen treatment as an anime, manga, and tokusatsu live action series) stars the titular robot fighting against an evil, oppressive government which rules its citizens through the use of super-human cyborg-soldiers, and by robbing them of their emotions. It's a fairly straight forward plot, so I won't spend too much time commenting on it.

Apparently, the film was not well received by the Kikaider fanbase when it premiered in 1995. I'm not familiar with it personally, so I really can't comment. That's probably for the best, as I was able to take this film for what it is, and do so without any preconceptions or comparisons to the parent material.

This movie is insane. Persons familiar with the likes of Casshern, Kamen Rider and Garo will find themselves in familiar territory, but that's not to say that the movie is without it's own unique style and charm.

The movie kicks off showing a group of anonymous armed men running through dark, dank corridors. They find a locked door which they open with some weird electronic key, and inside they find a man chained to a wall. After yelling about how they had hoped to find treasure and not a person, the man in the chains looks up. Then they shoot him. A lot. They shoot him like you would shoot a skinless four headed dog, if it showed up in your bathroom and you just happened to have an assault rifle handy.
Suddenly the guy is neither in chains, nor is he a guy anymore. He's a heavily armored, heavily armed robot, and he kills everybody. He then spews some cliche, "WHO AM I I CAN'T REMEMBER" dialogue, and reclaims his motorcycle which nobody noticed before. It should be noted that the motorcycle was chained to the floor.
From here, Hakaider drives his newly liberated motorbike across an undefined distance to Jesus Town (it's actually called this, in both the Japanese original and translated version) where he fights guys in white robot suits and eventually liberates the people from their oppressive overlord, Gurjev (who wears a dead bird on his shoulder at all times).

I can say with relative confidence that any impressions you may have of Hakaider after reading the above summary are absolutely accurate. The movie is absurd on every level, and while one may find it somewhat more digestible if they are familiar with the Kikaider series, I suspect that bewilderment will follow a first time viewing of this film regardless of who's watching.

Over all, the movie is a lot of fun. The special effects are inventive, and include some early, and painfully obvious, CGI (it was 1995, after all). The action scenes are fairly well thought out, and the final battle between Hakaider and Michael (Gurjev's robot minion and the archetypal counterweight to our mechanical hero) is riveting. Fans of the Tokusatsu genre, wild Japanese cinema, and robots will find a lot to like here. I certainly did.

Arthas: Rise of the Lich King

2009-06-18T17:11:00.003-04:00

This book from Christie Golden was fun and easy to read. If you have never heard of World of Warcraft and the RTS games that spawned it then you might be a little lost as to what is going on. This book has been released to help promote the newest expansion Wrath of the Lich King and gives a bit of an explanation as to why players were not fighting him before now.

The story takes place as three characters recall various points in the life of Arthas Menethil, who becomes the Lich King during the events fo the Warcraft 3 game.

The opening scene of the book actually requires understanding of the nature of the Lich King to fully comprehend. The Lich King is the spirit of an Orc Shaman named Ner'Zhul who was imprisoned by the Demons who wanted to control Azeroth and sent to Northrend to do so. In the opening scene the spirit of Ner'Zhul is sitting at a table with the humanity of the man who was once Arthas Menethil, which is portrayed by the youth he was long before all this happened. The humanity is sick and frail looking like it is clinging on with it's last threads.

The story then takes you to Arthas as a youth and proceeds to tell the story of his growing up stopping to show the events that turn him into the man who becomes the Lich King. It shows and intriguing look into the past of the character and leads to another short break. The second section of the book opens with the character Jaina Proudmoore (another main character from Warcraft 3) as she drifts into remembering what Arthas was like. The story then shows the love affair between the two characters and takes you through the events of Warcraft 3 from the perspective of a person who is not resurrected or able to build almost infinite troops.

After another short interlude the story introduces Sylvanas Windrunner (a character Arthas killed and tortured in Warcraft 3 after becoming a Death Knight) and shows a bit of her plans, and then jumps back to cover the events of The Frozen Throne expansion to Warcraft 3.

I enjoyed the book and found it to be a good read. I do think some of it might be hard to follow if you know little to nothing of the Warcraft world and mythology. Although I think it could still stand as a story about the lengths one might go to if they are not careful.

Ultimate Wolverine Vs Hulk

2009-06-17T20:23:00.003-04:00

I hate superhero comics nowadays.

I can’t keep up with them, they’re all too heavy and bloated with continuity issues, crossovers, I abhor the overall art styles coming from both Marvel (too realistic and dark) and DC (too bright and colorful), and it’s all losing its appeal. It just exhausts me and frustrates me, looking at the shelves full of superhero comics in stores when trying to find something genuinely interesting.

However, I love Ultimate Wolverine Vs Hulk, despite having no idea what the hell’s really going on in the Ultimate Universe or where this fits.

Let’s flashback a bit: Early 2006, I’m a senior in high school, some friends have just gotten me back into comics, and I’m picking up just about anything I can find (which leads to some ultimately painful, regrettable purchases) in comic book stores, nearly spending entire paychecks. This was when the first two issues of Ultimate Wolverine Vs Hulk were released together in one fancy “Director’s Cut” book, with sketches and the complete scripts for the first two issues. I got it out of curiosity, and was floored. I couldn’t wait for the next issue to come out…

…And, well, I kind of had to. Issue 3 was delayed so horribly that it didn’t come out until March 2009. Yeah. THIS YEAR. I had to wait THREE BLOODY YEARS for the series to pick back up again, and it just recently finished up, with the sixth and final issue coming out just last week, and I couldn’t be happier.

I mean, c’mon. Three pages into the first issue, you get a glorious two-page spread of Hulk ripping Wolverine in half. You heard right, HULK RIPS WOLVERINE IN HALF.

Yeah!

You’d think being ripped in half in the first issue wouldn’t make the rest of the story very interesting, and while these first two issues are largely flashbacks, it doesn’t stop crazy things like this from happening.

Oh right, plot. Did you read volume one of the Ultimates or watch the Ultimate Avengers movie? The basic gist is this: Hulk went mad, killed 600-some odd people in New York, and it was up to the newly-formed Avengers, known as the Ultimates, to stop him. Afterwards, S.H.I.E.L.D. publicly executed Bruce Banner by leaving him on an empty aircraft carrier in the middle of the ocean and dropping a nuke on it.

Except, you know, it didn’t kill him.

Flash forward a bit, and strange, violent occurrences are happening across Europe and Asia, events that, linked together, prove that Hulk is still alive. So Nick Fury hires Wolverine to go find Hulk in the Himalayas and kill him.

It just gets better from there.

There’s one primary reason that I love this story: Every single issue, without fail, has something positively INSANE happening, and hilarious (though admittedly somewhat juvenile) dialogue that always has me laughing out loud.

“Right before I got twisted around so I could see my own ass…I was lookin’ down at you and thinkin’, ‘what would be a really neat way to *&(@*&ing kill that mother*&$^*?”

The writer is Damon Lindelof, apparently the head writer of Lost, which I’ve never watched, so I can’t make any comparisons, but I can say the guy does a bang-up job of writing a good comic book story that’s actually FUN and ENTERTAINING. He also makes many sly references to previous Hulk Vs Wolverine encounters in the original Marvel universe, throws in a reference to Star Trek, and even takes a jab at that whole Civil War fiasco in a conversation between Captain American and Iron Man as they play ping pong out of costume. As far as the artist goes, Leinil Francis Yu, he can be a hit or miss artist, especially if someone else is inking his work and if the colorist is half-assed, but thankfully no one inked his art in this and the coloring isn’t too bright, but isn’t some monochrome, dark crap, either.

Plus, I can’t imagine many other artists being able to render a nice big shot of Wolverine, naked, trying to fight a panda and having flowers come out of his hands as opposed to his usual um, claws.

So, it is awesome, what more can I say? Even if you hate superhero comics, if you’re just a fan of wacky, violent hijinks and such, it is definitely worth checking out. The trade will undoubtedly be out in a few months’ time so you’re going to have to wait, but trust me: I waited three years for this, and it’s totally worth it.

[Brett]

Abbreviewations: Summer Movies May

2009-06-03T19:12:00.004-04:00

Hello, I know I have not posted much, but I have been rather busy and my laptop died a month or so ago. I have been on a desktop since then but never got around to logging in. I figured I would post my thoughts on the summer movies that I saw last month during May.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

I really enjoyed this movie, the action was fun and for me who has never read the comics much it was interesting to see the past of one of the characters from the x-men movies. I know this may not follow the comics very well (or it may) but as I said I have not read them. My biggest complaint is that Ryan Reynolds only is in the first ten or so minutes of the movie and then when he supposedly reappears they have sewn his mouth shut. Other than that I enjoyed it. The ending I got to see after the credits was a big disappointment, and I wish they could have given something more worth sitting through the credits at all theaters instead of just some. I understand them trying to combat the "leak" but while the movie was good I do not feel it was worth seeing multiple times for a 15 second clip and only seems to me to be a move of greed to try and get those who actually care enough to spend another 9 dollars

Star Trek

I remember growing up watching episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation with my dad, and when I caught episodes of DS9 or Voyager I enjoyed them. In fact I own the DVDs of The Next Generation. Despite all this I have never liked the original series. After hearing about the train wreck (although I have not seen and cannot confirm) of Nemesis, I hear about a new Star Trek Movie in the works. Then I hear about the fact that it will follow the original crew before they became the crew. I will admit that for a bit there I was iffy about the new movie. I started seeing the trailers and as Alex put it even not being a fan of the original crew I wanted to see it. Well I sit here after having seen it three times now and I say it was an excellent movie and worth seeing. I will admit when I was hanging out with friends going to see it I debated (since it would be my third viewing) fearing I would be bored during parts. I wasn't I was as enthralled (not accurate but closest I can think of right now) as much as I was the first two times. While I was originally worried about Sylar playing Spock, Zachary Quinto was so perfect that I can't think of a better actor for the part now. Many reviewers complain about the part of the story with Leonard Nimoy reprising his role as Spock Prime (as he is listed in the credits), but I find this a crucial part of the movie and it is just great to see Leonard Nimoy. Without Spock Prime the story of the movie does not fit with the already set up Star Trek Universe and would not be able to truly take the name.

Angels & Demons

What many people do not fully realize, is that Angels & Demons came out and is set before The DaVinci Code, the thing is that the DaVinci Code got so much more press that they decided to make a movie of it first. The movie clearly did well enough that they decided to go ahead and make the other book in the series into a movie. Thankfully they did not try to reset the world and pretend the first movie had not happened, leading to one of the many changes from the book that are there. But the changes work for turning it into a movie and making it decent. Although (as is almost always the case) the book is better I enjoyed the movie, the downplay of CERN and the assassin are both acceptable although I felt the assassin seemed barely developed, but I can't see how they could have done better in a movie situation. I feel the change with the murdered CERN scientist/priest (although his being a priest is barely mentioned if at all, the biggest sign I noticed was he had on the collar at the beginning) to just Vittoria's partner, instead of her adoptive father is a bit questionable, it does not hinder the movie enough. Overall I felt it was worth watching although it might be better for a rent instead of the theater for most. I have to say my biggest question about the whole thing is why the magazines are claiming it to be a church movie, when it really has nothing to do with the church except that many of the main characters are heavily involved with it and it takes place there.

Terminator: Salvation

Fun explosive movie, lots of booms and gunfire, the biggest things that (only slightly) hinder the movie for me actually have little to do with the movie. The "big twist" of the movie is revealed in the trailers, otherwise the opening scenes would not work as the opener, essentially revealing that the character there is not fully human anymore. The movie to me shows why the whole series exists in that the machines do not understand the humans very well, which is why they keep losing the fight and need to try to change things. For those who were looking for the end of the series will be disappointed. The biggest questions I have are where does this fit in line with the other entries in the Terminator world, which ones are still valid which are not and where does this truly fall. I know it falls after Judgement day, but before the catalyst for Terminator, but does T3: Rise of the Machines count, or did judgement day happen some other way. I do know they have a chance to make at least one more, although that does not necessarily mean the series would have to end, the machines send a Terminatorback to try to tip the scales in their favor, but what happened to the resistance after they sent Kyle.

Well that is what I have seen this past month the last week (29th) did not have anything I really wanted to see, although I might see Up at some point, and Drag Me to Hell is only minimally tempting because Alison Lohman looks really beautiful to me in it, but I have never relly liked Horror

Thoughts on Punch-Out

2009-05-29T22:11:00.003-04:00

It's about 11 minutes after 10 PM on Friday, May 29th, and well, right now, I just can't get my mind off of Punch-Out for the Nintendo Wii. I'm sure you don't want me to go and just praise every corner of this game like a lot of sites have done. Unlike a lot of recent Wii titles (MadWorld, eh-hem), this game seems to me getting exposure. Granted, it is a first party Nintendo title, but that doesn't excuse the fact that some games on the Wii just never seem to get the recognition they deserve.

I'm here to say that Punch-Out deserves every bit of attention it gets. I can't say the game is for everyone, but I know the game is certainly for me.

Developer "Next Level Games" is the same team that brought us "Super Mario Strikers" and "Mario Strikers Charged" on the GC and Wii. I personally love all of the Mario sports games, but soccer is my favorite sport outside of the Mushroom Kingdom, so of course those are my favorites. That being said, I will admit that those games can be challenging. Especially Strikers Charged on the Wii; some of the challenges the game had to unlock a few cheats were near impossible, and (un)fortunately, that difficultly rears it's head once again in Punch-Out.

Some people like a difficult game, so that can be a good thing, depending on how you look at it. I like a fine middle ground, and for the most part, this game achieves that.

A lot of people seem to be ripping on the motion controls in the game, and to be honest, I don't get why. The classic control scheme is available by holding the Wii remote sideways, and that's cool and all, but I just think the motion controls are way better. I've heard some people say that they seem unresponsive, and well...no. They respond just fine. It is easier with the remote, because it's much quicker to press the 1 and 2 buttons than it is do all the motions, but is it necessarily more fun? I don't think so.

Either control scheme you go with, the controls do feel great. I stuck with the motion controls and I made it all the way through Career and I'm working my way up Title Defense mode right now. I have no issues yet. There is the option of using the Wii Balance Board, and well...I should give it a try, but I just haven't. I heard a lot of people say that it just doesn't work that well. Honestly, I just don't feel like giving it a try. Call me lazy, but, I like dodging with the control stick just fine.

The music is AWESOME! One really cool thing is hearing how familiar it all sounds. Not only is the original Punch-Out theme redone a number of times with different instruments, but you can hear some of the sound effects and guitars and such from the Mario Striker games, and those games had great music.

And have I said just how cool Little Mac is? I think I look like him. OK, OK, I just want someone else to make that parallel so I had to say it myself. Sorry, I'm lame. But seriously, this game has just SO MANY cool moments. In between rounds, Doc Louis will just drop some of the best lines. Sometimes he really does help you out, and sometimes he just lets you know that his favorite flavor of protein shake is chocolate. And really, it's always great! You can even press the minus button once during a fight and Doc Louis will pull out a chocolate bar and eat it, giving Mac a health boost. Who thought of that? That's so cool.

It's the little things that Punch-Out does that makes it a classic. I love love love the NES version, but this version is my favorite. In fact, it's one of my favorite Wii titles ever, and that should mean something from a guy with over 30 Wii titles in his collection.

Little Mac changes outfits as you go up through the ranks. You get to see him wearing a green outfit with a blank top, a navy blue outfit with light blue trim, and even a gold outfit with red, white, and blue shorts.

Did I mention that there are cut scenes between fights going into the lives of your opponents? You get to see Glass Joe posing with a big loaf of bread in France. You get to see Bear Hugger beating up some bears. You get to see Von Kaiser reading a newspaper about Little Mac winning the WVBA World Title. There are a ton of them.

And for all the humor the game has, it totally gets you pumped up with it's attitude. It's like watching a Rocky movie. Seeing Little Mac go to town on a punching bag and chasing after Doc Louis on his bike just makes me want to go get a gym membership and start doing crunches.

Some people would say that this title isn't worth $50 dollars. I say it's worth more than that, but I would also say that it's value varies depending on what the game would mean to you. I know that's no help, but hear me out. Do you like boxing? Did you like the original Punch-Out? If you answered yes to either question, you could easily drop the money for this game and you will get more than your money's worth out of the purchase.

If you hate the Rocky movies and you're looking for a game with a lot of story, a lot of innovation, and mind blowing motion controls, this game probably won't be up your alley. However, I can't stress enough just how friendly this game can be to all types of gamers. Give it a rent if you're on the fence. I really don't see how someone could have ZERO amount of fun with a game like this.

If you're currently playing this game and you love it, then HIGH FIVE to you, because I love it too. I really think Next Level Games did a fantastic job with the game and I can't wait to see what game they get to work on next. I would love a sequel sometime down the road, but I personally hope they get a Donkey Kong game. Speaking of that old gorilla, he plays a bit of a role in this title, but that's spoiler worthy, so I'll shut up.

It's hard to really find the words to describe just how happy I am when I play this game. So, since I can't think of any on my own, I'll take one out of Doc Louis' book. Join the Nintendo Fun...er...Club Nintendo today, Mac!

-Mave

TOKYO GORE POLICE

2009-05-23T22:59:00.003-04:00

It all started simply enough: in 2007 a trailer turned up on Youtube for something called the Machine Girl. It made its rounds on the internet, and people were wondering if this was for real or just a really awesome fake trailer ala Grindhouse. The truth was revealed that yes, this over-the-top ultraviolent film about a schoolgirl with a gatling gun attached to her arm fighting the yakuza WAS real, and when it was released on DVD, I bought it the week it came out, along with popcorn and Mountain Dew, sat myself down, and watched one of the wildest Japanese movies ever.

Fast forward to early 2008 and I was browsing the internet late one night when I stumbled upon another bizarre trailer for this little film called Tokyo Gore Police, made by the same madmen behind the Machine Girl. The trailer is 5 minutes of ultraviolent insanity, and has to be one of the maddest trailers ever:

You may have just watched that, thinking, “oh dear, that’s probably every gory scene in the movie spoiled and there‘s really no reason to watch this thing.” Actually, I doubt that’s what you’re really thinking, but if it was, then I can assure you, it’s not. I would be lying if I said every minute of the 109-minute-long movie is soaked in blood and gore, but it wouldn’t be much of a lie, because, well, things get pretty crazy. Tokyo Gore Police is a film which includes, but is not limited to:

- A commercial for cutesy wrist-cutting blades that “don’t hurt as much” and “make the blood taste better.”
- A man flying around in the air propelled only by the blood spraying out of the stumps where his legs used to be.
- A naked woman-chair-thing spraying (what I think is) urine all over a club full of people who seem to enjoy it.
- Key-shaped tumors being inserted into body parts which then split open when the key is turned.
- A very strangely animated(?) sequence showing a number of heads exploding.
- A schoolgirl spraying acid from her nipples and bellybutton. Er, well, if she had nipples and a bellybutton after all that mess…
- Several other laws of science, physics, and biology blatantly ignored with a lunatic’s glee.
- Several instances of blood getting all over the damn camera.

You may be getting the idea now.

The plot? Actually yes, there is one, and it IS rather interesting. See, the Tokyo Police Force has now been privatized, they’re running around in elaborate, pseudo-futuristic samurai armor, and they’re fighting a new, deadly threat: engineers. Engineers, yes, as in, freaks of nature who grow weapons from their wounds. Meaning if you cut that guy’s arm off, chances are a blade or gun of some sort is probably going to grow back, after spraying a few gallons of blood of course, and then he will proceed to maim and/or kill you with that new weapon. Almost like Tetsuo the Iron Man, another Japanese depravity I love so much! Enter Ruka, played by Eihi Shiina, which those of you who are into bizarre, horrific, utterly fucked up Asian cinema will recognize as the girl from the (also bizarre, horrific, and utterly fucked up) film Audition, directed by Takashi Miike. Ruka is the force’s top engineer hunter, but she also has some suicidal tendencies and nightmares of the time she watched her father’s head explode when she was a child. A super-intelligent engineer is going around killing prostitutes in a strange, elaborate fashion that involves the draining of their blood and stuffing their body parts into a cardboard box, and it’s up to Ruka to stop this madman.

It only gets bloodier and more depraved from there. There’s a bit of socio-political commentary going on in there too with the random commercials and the backstory to the privatization of the police force, but uh, I’m not an expert on that kind of thing so I don’t know what to tell you.

And, well, I enjoyed every bloody minute of the thing. As you can tell from the trailer, all of the special effects are good old fashioned red fluids and lots of prosthetics, with only some CG used in a fight scene towards the end that is fairly obvious, but given the circumstances, awesome nevertheless. This is not a movie with a gigantic budget, and it shows, but it does not hinder the film in any way. It outdoes the Machine Girl in every possibly way, being a better-looking, better-sounding, more depraved and violent film with a much better story. While the Machine Girl was pretty straightforward, Tokyo Gore Police is more involved, and especially a hell of a lot more surreal.

It’s positively astonishing. I love it. Would I recommend it to friends of mine? Well, considering who I hang out with, yes, but it’s certainly far from being a date movie or anything of that sort. I mean c’mon, look at the title: TOKYO GORE POLICE. Watch that trailer again. Ask yourself if you’d like to see more. If so, then by all means go out there and get this damn movie!

And hey, they’ve got another new movie coming up now, known as Vampire Girl Vs Frankenstein Girl! Judging from the trailer, it won’t be quite like Tokyo Gore Police, but it still looks promising. And by promising, I mean hilariously violent, of course.

[Brett]

MadWorld AND House of the Dead Overkill

2009-05-21T21:09:00.004-04:00

The Wii is considered a kid’s system, made for “casual” players and families, not the so-called “hardcore” crowd. I think that’s a load of rubbish, and so do other developers apparently. In early 2008, No More Heroes came out and rocked worlds with its ultraviolence and madcap story. I enjoyed the hell out of it, considering it my favorite Wii game to be released so far. Fast-forward to the end of the year and early 2009, and Sega came forth to push the same buttons that No More Heroes did, in releasing two separate M-rated games on the Wii just a few weeks apart from each other. Those games were MadWorld, developed by Platinum Games, and House of the Dead Overkill, developed by Headstrong Games.

The game that really struck me as awesome, the one I was craving since its announcement, was MadWorld. Platinum Games is made up of the guys from Clover, the developers most famous for creating Viewtiful Joe and the amazing Okami. Another game they made before Capcom squashed the studio was God Hand, a wacky, awesome beat-‘em-up on the Playstation 2 that let you create your own combos. I feel like I’m the only person who played that, and it ranks with Okami among my favorite PS2 games.

Anyways, I’m digressing. MadWorld had awesome, artistic visuals like the Viewtiful Joe series and Okami, coupled with crazy beat-’em-up action like God Hand. I was sold. By now I’m sure many of you have seen screenshots or videos of this game: black and white cel-shading, with yellow sound effects and red sprays of blood. And oh, there’s so much blood. The gist of the game is this: You are Jack, a burly biker dude with a robotic right arm that has a chainsaw attached, and you are in the middle of Varrigan City, which has been taken over by terrorists who are running a mad reality game show called Death Watch. The rules? Kill every motherfucker you can, in as many crazy ways as you can. Sure, you can rip through enemies easy with that chainsaw attached, but you won’t get many points that way. What you’re going to want to do is rough that guy up a bit with your fists, slam a trashcan down over his head so he’s staggering around blind, shove a few signposts through him, then pick him up and impale him multiple times on that wall of spikes over there.

Admittedly, this can get repetitive. There’s only so many things you can do to kill the enemies, and most of them revolve around shoving light posts through them and impaling them or throwing them into grinders and the like. Other reviews have had a problem with this, but I myself got so much glee from it. This game is the perfect thing to take your frustrations out on. Anyways, get enough points, and you get to play a minigame known as a Bloodbath Challenge, in which you do fun stuff like playing golf with the heads of zombies or running over as many aliens as you can on your motorcycle. Keep racking up points, and then you get to the positively awesome boss battles. They may not have as much personality as the bosses from God Hand or No More Heroes, but they’re still bloody great.

The controls are great, though the game has a hard time telling if you wanted to slice that guy vertically or horizontally with your chainsaw when you swing the Wii remote. This can get problematic, and the camera is not the greatest, nor is the lock-on (which I never used, myself). These are negligible, though. The biggest flaws, in my opinion, are in the story. It starts off with promise, but eventually gets too complex and tries to shove some kind of moral down your throat. It also does not help that the cut scenes have NO music whatsoever and few sound effects. I mean, no footstep sounds? Are you serious? What the hell?

Also, the game doesn’t take terribly long to beat, and when you do, it’s going to feel kind of empty.

However, Jack is voiced by the same guy who was the voice of Tom, the robot on Toonami! And that’s awesome. So is the hip-hop soundtrack and the commentary by Gregg Proops and John DiMaggio that’s dirty, raunchy, wrong, and yet so hilarious. Though it too can get kind of repetitive…

Was it worth the $50 I spent? Oh totally. Will I play it again? I hope so. But it just leaves you feeling like there was a lot of wasted potential. That’s what sequels are for though, right? Provided it sells…

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The other game is House of Dead Overkill, a first-person rail shooter, just like its predecessors. The House of the Dead series has quite the reputation as a series of arcade light gun shooters. I own House of the Dead 2 on the Dreamcast and I can’t tell you how many dollars in quarters I’ve pumped into the arcade machines, so I love them to death.

House of the Dead Overkill is a little bit…different, though. While the previous games have been known for their horrible voice acting and cheesiness, they had a naïveté about them. Overkill is self-aware, and goes for an incredibly goofy and over-the-top Grindhouse-style presentation and story. The two main characters are Agent G and Detective Washington, and they never really stop bickering over the course of the entire game. Washington loves the word “motherfucker” and uses it any time he can. Like the commentary in MadWorld, the dialogue between our two heroes and the other characters who appear in Overkill is incredibly profane, juvenile, and funny. Also like MadWorld, the plot serves no purpose whatsoever. You just shoot stuff.

The gameplay is different from its predecessors as well. One neat touch is that when you point the reticule of your gun to the far left or right of the screen, or top and bottom, the screen will move to show you what’s over there. You’re still strictly on rails, but you can get a look around at least, and you’ll need to pick off stray mutants (“Mutants. They’re not zombies, they’re mutants. How many times do I have to tell you that?” Agent G quips in the first level) and to grab powerups. The previous games never really had any powerups, but here you can pick up screen-clearing grenades, collectible golden brains (ten in each level, snag them all!), and a strange green thing that activates slow-motion, letting you pick off at a huge pack of mutants with ease. The scoring is different as well, with a little revolver icon at the corner of the screen by your score and health. The more kills you score without missing a single shot or getting hurt, the more points you get, eventually reaching what is laughably called a “GOREGASM,” in which the revolver is replaced with a waving American flag and you get an extra thousand points with each kill. Because nothing is more American than blowing twelve consecutive heads off with a shotgun, right? Yeah, you can get a shotgun, or an automatic rifle, or some other weapons. You’re not limited to a standard handgun like in the arcade games, and it makes things a bit easier, actually.

The soundtrack is interesting, dirty, guitar-heavy stuff. Not rock, more like surf rock or something along with a lot of disco-sounding music that fits in perfectly with the grindhouse style, and it’s quite good.

It too is not without its share of flaws, though. The graphics could use a bit of polish, especially with some framerate issues here and there that crop up, the bland character models, and levels that aren‘t terribly interesting. It is nice when you blow away the mutants, as they explode and splatter blood all over the place that makes headshots that much more satisfying. What irks me though, is that you’re ONLY shooting at mutants, with the exception of one level that has some buzzards and dragonfly things. One thing the earlier games had that this one doesn’t was a greater variety of enemies. The first level alone in the first game had zombies, hellhounds, some swamp monster-looking-thing, bats, EVIL DEMON MONKEYS, and more! And anyone who’s played one of the arcade games knows of and hates those damn frogs and leeches that leap at your face. Why are none of them in Overkill? Why am I limited to just shooting at mutants? That’s just stupid! The bosses themselves aren’t so great, either, which is a damn shame.

And while the grindhouse style (even going so far as to pull a “Reel missing” gag) and self-awareness lead to great moments (I love the conversations G and Washington have at the end of the game), it really lacks this…charm that the arcade games had. Playing this really just made me want to play the previous games more than anything else.

Don’t get me wrong, Overkill is hardly a bad game, and unlockable art, videos, and music will keep some gamers coming back for more, but it’s just not the same as the earlier games. If you don’t suffer from nostalgic memories like I do, you shouldn’t have a problem.

(Note: After beating the game’s normal mode, a more difficult “Director’s Cut” mode is unlocked, and while I have yet to beat it, all it seems to do is lengthen and change up each level just a little bit, but the gameplay remains the same and therefore so does my review. I will make changes if I discover anything new, though.)

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So there you have it, Sega has released two crazy, yet flawed, M-rated games for the Wii. Are they selling well? Probably not. It seems that the Wii is just having too hard of a time trying to shake it’s image of being a crappy little white box with last-gen graphics and lots of lousy kids games, but there’s still hope for it yet with EA releasing Deadspace: Extraction later this year, which appears to be another on-rails shooter like House of the Dead, though EA is calling it a “Guided First-Person Shooter,” whatever that means, but it shows a lot of progress. And hey, there’s a sequel to No More Heroes coming next year! And on top of that, Bethesda, the guys behind the Elder Scrolls games and Fallout 3, have announced that they’re developing something called “Brink” for the Wii!

See, the Wii’s not a crappy kids-system. It’s a cult system with games that will be, in my opinion, cult classics further down the line, and these two games just might be counted among them. Trust me.

[Brett]

Review at Large: Silent Hill

2009-05-04T14:12:00.004-04:00

I have never played a Silent Hill game. This is largely due to the fact that my ability to absorb media that falls under the moniker of "horror", can easily be likened unto that of a five year old girl: I stay awake at night, jump at shadows, and hide under the covers. Forsooth, even my twenty one years have not endowed me with skin thick enough to sit through a Child's Play movie (Chucky still haunts my nightmares) without covering my eyes and thinking happy thoughts. I won't even try to describe to you the week that followed my first and only viewing of, "The Ring" when it hit American theaters in 2002. Suffice to say it was embarrassing.

And so I have never, ever, played a Silent Hill game. And until very recently, did not entertain the notion of doing so. However, a friend suggested that I review the series and I, caught up between my love of nightmareless sleep and my "journalistic" (I use the term very, very loosely) curiosity arrived at a decent compromise. People would tell me about Silent Hill, and I would talk about what they said. It almost goes without saying that I will get things wrong and need to be corrected, but that's what comment threads are for. So without further adieu, I present to you Hindsight Alloys's first Review at Large - Silent Hill.

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The first, and most obvious aspect to note about the thirteen-game franchise is that it is really really scary. Derelict buildings, dark and foggy environs, and even the infamous Pyramid Head all push to endow the player with a sense of the wrong. These are not places you want to go or things you want to see. You do not play Silent Hill and say to yourself, "wow, I wish this was real" (well, maybe some people do, but come on). And yet the player perseveres, pushing onward and forward from screen to horrifying screen.

Originally meant to capitalize on the success of the Resident Evil/Biohazard games on the Playstation, Silent Hill has since evolved into it's own self sufficient organism, with a fan base that rivals its zombie-riddled cousin. Over its ten year lifespan the series has become known for its complex and emotionally driven story lines, as well as its ability to scare you to death. From the nightmarish aesthetic to the haunting soundtrack composed by Akira Yamaoka, Silent Hill has a certain way of embedding itself in the player's psyche.

According to Sara Castro the series is, "the awesomest" and, "No, really." She goes on to say that "The stories of the first three games are pretty radical." and that once one takes in all the specific details that make up SH's plot lines, it becomes impossible not to love it. At least in the case of the first three entries.

Christian Moore (HA's very own Murex Brandaris) cites the fact that, "these guys (Konami, that is) managed to make a derelict, muck-encrusted old hospital into something far more uncomfortable." in reference to the dark world/hell world mechanic of Silent Hill 3(citation needed).

Brett Cook (HA tag Animated Trigger) notes that Silent Hill 3 is also, "scary as hell, pretty much."

Overall, it can be concluded that anyone wanting a deep and involved storyline, to be scared out of their wits, or simply a meaty game series with lots of entries to chew on would do well to give Silent Hill a spin. In addition to several game entries, the series has spawned a movie adaptation, several comic books, and a few games exclusive to mobile phone platforms. Even the iPhone/iPod touch has an abbreviated SH incarnation available for download, which speaks volumes about the popularity and notoriety that the series has managed to garnish in recent years.

*This is partially a joke. Obviously I can't properly review something I've never played.

Abvreviewations: Eat Lead, Halo Wars, Witch Mountain

2009-03-23T13:22:00.004-04:00

That's right, I'm still spelling "Abreviewation" with only one B. I started it because of a typo, and am too stubborn to admit that I'm wrong. Anyway, here's what I've been into lately,

1. Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard - This game made me laugh. A lot. By and large it's nothing but a third person shooter with a clunky cover mechanic and some semi-decent gunplay. Where Eat Lead shines however is not through some intuitive controls scheme or revolutionary spin on the shooting genre. Eat Lead is fun, because the entirety of it's story is just one big parody of every video game cliche` born ever the last twenty some years. The game is rife with load screens which say things like, "Tip: A helpful hint", and instances of the titular Matt Hazard breaking the fourth wall. Characters like the Master Chef from, "Crown of Light", and Alto Stratus from the "Penultimate Illusion games" are sure to appeal to any hardcore gamer's sense of humor. Eat Lead doesn't take itself too seriously, and this is a good thing, because without the laughs and video game in-jokes, it would probably be nothing but a mediocre TPS not worth mentioning. The gameplay is solid enough to play through it one time, but probably won't hold a lot of replay value for fans of games like Gears of War. Oh, and for Achievement hounds (we are of course talking 360 version) the game is generous; I scored 845 points out of a thousand on my first playthrough.

2. Halo Wars – I’ve been a fan of Ensemble Studios for years. I’ve been a fan of the Halo franchise for years. So when I heard that Microsoft was putting the two together, I was excited to say the least. I can’t complain about much with this game; it does exactly what it’s supposed to do. It’s a solid RTS, with all the qualities that make games of this genre so engrossing. Combat is emphasized over resource farming, and while some hardcore RTS players may be disappointed by this, it works considerably well when one takes into account the limitations of a controller-based scheme versus a mouse and keyboard. The controls themselves are pretty solid, and while they will take some getting used to, you’ll find yourself mastering them before you complete the fifteen-mission campaign. The complete Halo experience is here – menu screens which are overlaid with a deep, translucent blue, behind which pre-renders play in a loop. The story is epic and its outcome will, once again, decide the fate of humanity (it doesn’t take a genius to figure out how it ends, as this DOES take place twenty years before Combat Evolved). There are hidden Skulls which, once unlocked, will reward (or punish) the player with optional game-altering effects. Everything from removing the player’s radar to the beloved Grunt Birthday party can be unlocked by claiming the appropriate skulls. The game is jam packed with all the weapons, characters, troop classes and vehicles that fans of the Halo franchise have come to love. The UNSC has Scorpions, Pelicans, Warthogs, Marines and (of course) Spartans at its disposal. The Covenant is equipped with everything from Grunts, Elites and Hunters to Brute Choppers, Banshees, and even the dreaded Scarab. Both factions are also given new units and troop classes, never before seen in the Halo timeline. The new additions mesh nicely with the rest of the mythos, and the player really feels like they’ve been a part of the universe all along; Master Chief just never happened across them.
Overall, this is a great game for Halo and RTS fans (a claim that no other game can possibly make). And if you happen to be a fan of both, then you’re bound to enjoy yourself. Replayability is high, with several options for online multiplayer and plenty of incentives to warrant multiple Campaign playthroughs. Achievements are about average in terms of difficulty – one playthrough on Normal difficulty yields about 400 points, and experimenting with the Skirmish and Online modes will bump you up to about 500.

3. Race to Witch Mountain - I really don't have much to say about this movie. I mean, it was good. Good for kids, good for adults. Just a good movie. Not fantastic, not crappy. Dwayne Johnson gives a solid, competent performance, as one might expect. The two child actors play their parts extremely well (I don't know their names), and the token love interest/scientist played by Carla Gugino fits her archetype. The special effects are solid (except the bullet-time sequence, where I said out loud, "Are you kidding me?") and the story works. I've never seen the original or its sequel, so I really can't say much about whether or not this remake is faithful to the source material. Overall this film is worth a watch, but you won't be too bad off it you wait for a DVD release and give it a rent.

Five, count'em, FIVE graphic novels for your consideration.

2009-03-20T16:38:00.005-04:00

SCOTT PILGRIM, volumes 1-5, by Bryan Lee O’Malley: If someone were to ask me “Hey Brett, what do you think are the greatest examples of the comicbook as its own medium?”, which no one would do, my answer would be simple: Watchmen and Hellboy. And now, having read all five volumes, I think I’d like to add Scott Pilgrim to that list. Scott Pilgrim tells the story of its titular hero as he lives his crazy life in Toronto, dating the girl of his dreams (literally) named Ramona Flowers and defeating her seven evil ex-boyfriends while playing in a lousy band called Sex Bo-Bomb. The entire series is loaded with references to old-school videogames, and even makes Scott’s life out to be a videogame. One example is the fact that, when defeated, a number of Ramona’s evil ex-boyfriends explode into a shower of coins, and a couple of them have even left behind treasure chests. There was even once a save point!

The story itself is six levels of hilarious, but it can get pretty dramatic as well, with Scott dealing with ex-girlfriends and just getting his life together in general. The guy’s a mess, scatter-brained, and I somewhat identify with him, and that’s part of what makes the series so endearing. The pacing, dialogue, it’s all perfect. And look, Edgar Wright, the director of Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, is turning it into a movie! So you’d better go read all five volumes now (only one more volume will be released before the series is ended) so that when the movie comes out, you won’t be another poseur like all those people who were at the Watchmen premiere!

Crécy, written by Warren Ellis, illustrated by Raulo Caceres: Ever had one of those teachers or professors that you just loved listening to when they lectured? Maybe it was their sense of humor, maybe it’s because they seemed like they were never really sober. This is kind of like that. Crécy is, essentially, a book about the battle in 1346 between the English and the French that took place in yes, you guessed it, Crécy, France. Our guide through the battle is a soldier in the English army, an archer, who speaks directly to the reader, explaining what’s going on, quite hilariously. “I am, of course, a complete bloody xenophobe who comes from a time when it was acceptable to treat people in the next village like they were subhumans. On the other hand, the French make sausages out of horse’s arseholes and have a history of using England as their toilet.”

Did you know the English liked leaving their arrows lying around in feces in order to cause infected wounds in anyone unlucky enough to survive getting shot? Or how many different arrowheads were used? Do you know how Edward the Second died? It’s all in this book, educating and yet totally hilarious. And the art is exceptional, very much like old woodblock prints from the medieval days, clean black and white and extremely detailed. It’s a short, quick read, and one that I promise you’ll come back to read again.

HELLSPAWN: The Ashley Wood Collection, written by Brian Michael Bendis and Steve Niles, illustrated by Ashley Wood: I don’t really get Spawn. I’m not a huge fan. I had some issues of the comic when I was little, but I didn’t really care much for them. I also think Brian Michael Bendis is a hack writer (except for Powers and his Daredevil run) and have never liked Steve Niles works very much, so why am I reviewing this? Because I love Ashley Wood’s artwork. This comic was one of his earlier gigs, but it still oozes with style and awesomesauce. The story and the writing? Eh, I dunno. People are talking about a war, some government agents capture and reprogram Cygor to go after Spawn or something, it’s all too damn vague and not a very good read. But the art is oh so fantastic! Err, well, for the most part. Wood does seem to have a hard time here and there grasping the whole “sequential art” idea, and something tells me the scripts he had to work from were a bit foggy as well, so meh. It’s not worth the full price, but then I got my copy for half off. Maybe Spawn fans will enjoy it. Not that I know any.

SKY DOLL, volume 1, written and illustrated by Barbara Canepa and Alessandro Barbucci: I picked this up on a whim. Or, well, asked for it for Christmas on a whim. It’s a French sci fi comic, brought here to us filthy heathen Americans courtesy of Marvel Comics, hardcover-only, and actually kind of short. It revolves around a “Sky Doll” named Noa. See, Sky Dolls are basically sex robots, but Noa, she’s special. How so? Well, it’s only the first volume, so I have no real clue, but it has to do with some crazy controversial stuff with the religion that the two missionaries she hooks up with are supposed to be trying to spread. She joins them on a mission to spread the word of Papess Lodovica to the planet Aqua, but things turn grim as the true mission is revealed. It’s rather heavy stuff, which you wouldn’t expect when looking at the very cartoony, expressive art. We’re not dealing with humans here, no. I have no idea what race these guys are, but that’s not really the point. Regardless, it’s a very interesting read, and I wonder what volume 2 will bring to the table. Get on the ball with that, Marvel!

THE WALKING DEAD, Books 1-4 (volumes 1-8), written by Robert Kirkman, illustrated by Tony Moore and Charlie Adlard: “Oh look, another zombie comic,” some of you might say. And you know, I’d be in that camp too, I’m personally tired of this oversaturation of zombies in my comics, videogames, and movies. But the Walking Dead is endearing. For one thing, it’s ongoing. It refuses to freaking stop, no matter how many characters die. For another thing, this is NOT a book about zombies. It’s entirely about the human survivors and the challenges they face which rarely have much to do with the actual zombies themselves. It’s grim stuff, a real page-turner. I mean hell, I read all eight volumes pretty much back to back in the four hardcover books, rarely stopping for breath. My thought process as I read through it all was along the lines of something like, “oh shit, holy shit, no way, did they just, there’s no way they would OH SHIT fuck fuck fuck oh no shit NO THEY KILLED _______ DAMMIT FUCK NO oh shit oh shit!”

Trust me: No one in this book is safe. And the Governor, who gets introduced later into the series? He is a fucking bastard and one of the most evil characters I’ve ever encountered in a comic. So, whether you’re a fan of zombies, survival horror, or whatever, or even if you think zombies suck hardcore, you need to read this thing. You can thank me later.

[Brett]

Resident Evil: Degeneration (Mave)

2009-03-17T13:00:00.003-04:00

!WARNING! !BIOHAZZARD OUTBREAK!

This little review contains some spoilers for Resident Evil: Degeneration. If you don't want to be spoiled, just read only what is posted after the final picture (which is just another poster for the movie featuring Leon and Claire).

__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __

With Resident Evil 5 just coming out a few days ago, and my copy just arriving on my front porch earlier today, I figure there's no better time than now to review something RElated (Pun intended). I've been playing catch up with the Resident Evil series for a few years now. I never even played one of the games until the RE Remake came to the Gamecube in 2002, then I played RE0, then I played RE4 when it came out on the Cube in 2005. I considered myself a fan of the franchise, but only on the Nintendo consoles. I played the RE4 Wii port when it came out in 2007 as well as Umbrella Chronicles, but I never got to play Resident Evil 2, 3, or Code Veronica until just a few months ago.

I got a great Christmas gift in receiving all 3 of them for the Gamecube. I played RE2 first, then RE3, and I just finished up Code Veronica X literally a few hours ago. I feel quite accomplished, if I'm allowed to pat myself on the back. The games are very addictive and there's just something that really pulls you into the experience.

Now that I've explained my Resident Evil history, I also might add that I just recently purchased Resident Evil: Degeneration about a week ago. We as video game fans know that when movies are made out of our favorite games, they often times (almost all the time) never translate well. So, does this CGI DVD only release do the fan service that many (myself included) feel the live action movies failed to do?

What you may already know about this film is that it's essentially Resident Evil in an airport. Or at least that's what they want you to think. It follows Resident Evil characters Leon S. Kennedy and Claire Redfield. The film takes place in 2005, and is one year after the events of Resident Evil 4. Leon has pretty much established himself as a Presidential Agent and must have impressed someone by rescuing the President's daughter because he's not being sent on some wild goose chase this time around. Well, he kinda is but that's beside the point.

Claire on the other hand, has given up the "fighting" aspect of fighting the Biohazards of the world. Sometime after the events of Code Veronica X Claire joined "TerraSave" which is more of a rescue group for those who are victims of a biohazard or a terrorist attack involving biohazardous materials. You might think of it as more of a peaceful role than that of Leon. She's given up gun slinging in place for helping the victims and family members of victims and such.

The movie starts out with Claire arriving back from India where she did her most recent mission. Long story short, a bio-terrorist attack takes place in that very airport at that very moment. It's worth noting that present in the airport is Senator Ron Davis, one of the members who voted on bombing Racoon City and has been believed to be politically tied to a lot of biohazard problems of the world. An airplane that was scheduled to arrive holds a passenger who was infected with the T-Virus, thus causing everyone onboard to become infected, and thus causing the plane to crash INTO the airport terminal. It doesn't take long for practically everyone to be infected. Thankfully, Claire has dealt with a situation like this before, so she rounds up the few survivors.

While a Special Agent Team is outside preparing a rescue operation, they call in an even higher up who is a specialist at this type of thing. You might know him as Leon S. Kennedy.

That lovely lady at his side in the above picture is Angela Miller, who plays a pretty big role in the film. I know what you're thinking, "WHAT?! This film is supposed to be about Leon and Claire!" Trust me, the new characters they introduce are good enough.

Angela, Leon, and a guy named "Kevin" go into the airport to save the survivors. We get a nice throwback to Resident Evil 2 with the first line Leon saying to Claire being "Get down" as he tells her this just before shooting a zombie approaching her from behind. Leon and Claire and the Senator and a few others make it out. Unfortunately, the Marine that seems to be juiced up and trigger happy, Kevin, doesn't make it out.

Now comes the political side of the film. Some fans might not like this, but I personally did. This pharmacy company, "WilPharma" was believed to be responsible for the attack, at least by Claire. They end up supplying the antidote, which is actually an antidote to the T-Virus. (Gee, that would have been helpful during the games.) Claire is confused, Leon explains some stuff, and this slimy villain of a Senator ends up eating it all up. He really is a real scumbag. Just the kind of villain that seems like he'd come out of one of the games. I can't imagine a character like Senator Ron Davis working well in a live action movie, but that's more of the reason to appreciate him here; because this is a treat to the fans.

Just LOOK at that creep. He looks like he's up to no good, and chances are he is. But because he's a senator and he's got the money, he's able to hide from being blamed. I could TOTALLY see this guy in one of the games.

I don't want to spoil the entire movie, but I hope I've hooked you enough. I'll give you the jist of the rest. Angela's brother, Curtis Miller, was a survivor of the Racoon City tragedy. His family was lost in the events and he became an extremist at being against all potential biohazard threats. He was once a respected doctor, but now he's just a nut with long stringy hair who's out for revenge.

Claire ends up befriending the WilPharma head guy, and they go back to the laboratory. Claire finds out they have the G-Virus (William Birkin from RE2) there at the lab! She gets a little freaked out and decides to alert Leon, Curtis is seen leaving with the virus, then a bomb goes off! OH SNAP!

Leon hurries there with Angela and now we have another biohazard situation. Claire is injured in the explosion but meets up with Leon and she makes her way out. Curtis injects HIMSELF with the G-Virus to show the world what WilPharma has in their possession, and ends up becoming a freaky evolution like all the other classic Resident Evil villains. It quickly becomes Leon and Anegla versus this new creature, and sure enough, a self destruct sequence is initiated during their fight.

Do they make it out? What happens? Do Leon and Claire get it on? Is the Merchant in the movie?

Well my friends, you'll just have to watch it to find out.

Perhaps I did spoil too much, but I just have to say that this movie is great. It's Resident Evil fan service all the way. If you get to see this and allow yourself to get completely enthralled, you'll see just how similar the vibe of this film and the vibe of the games are. I could easily see this translating into a playable game, and there are enough moments that are pure nods at those who played the games.

In fact, I honestly can't recommend this to anyone who hasn't played one of the games. Take that for what it's worth, but the more serious of an RE fan you are, the more you appreciate this. Whether it be the teased relationship between Leon and Claire, the appearance of Hunnigan, or even the appearance of a freaky boss at the end, this movie is very close to the games.

I know that some people will feel differently, and I understand. I guess this probably isn't the most well made film of all time, but if you are a fan of the Resident Evil series, you really shouldn't miss this movie. I honestly don't think you'll be disappointed.

Who Watched the Watchmen?

2009-03-14T01:26:00.001-04:00

Apparently, all of us!
My review:
Meh, it was alright.

The Seven Year Itch

2009-03-11T18:31:00.006-04:00

Oh, yes. You're right. It's that movie. With what's-her-face. The image of Marilyn Monroe standing on the subway grate getting her dress ruffled by a passing train is almost synonymous with cinema, Hollywood and American pop culture in general. But if you're not a film buff, Marilyn fan or interested in pop culture at all, chances are you haven't seen this movie. Which is a little sad, because The Seven Year Itch is a classic.

Telling the story of a married Manhattanite whose wife and child are away for the summer, the movie begins with the explanation that all the married men (in New York, at least) have affairs of some sort while their families are gone. While this premise is certainly debatable, it's worth noting that A) this is a comedy movie and B) it was made in 1955. While attempting to catch up on work, maintain his doctor's orders, and uphold the fidelity of his marriage, Richard Sherman finds himself being tested to his limits by the girl upstairs, a striking twenty-something blonde with a habit of walking around her apartment nude. He gets crazier and crazier for her, leading to many uproariously awkward and insane situations.

As a child of the nineties, I just didn't expect a movie made thirty years before I was born to be so funny. Tom Ewell shines as the neurotic Sherman attempting to stave off the temptations brought about by Marilyn Monroe's character, credited simply as The Girl. Monroe's performance is bubbly, naive, and consistently hilarious. She somehow comes off as innocent as a schoolgirl while still managing to be a thoroughly convincing flirt, and it's no small wonder how she attained such meteoric status in American cinema and the public consciousness.

Billy Wilder's direction gives the movie a clip, a beat you can almost dance to in the classic tradition. The movie's writing is witty, filled with side-splitting asides, and breaches the fourth wall at least three times. As much as I hate to say it, they just don't make 'em like this anymore.

And yes, it's got THE scene, with THE dress. The one you've seen parodied to hell and back. Interestingly enough, the famous full-body shots of the wind from the passing subway car lifting Marilyn's dress above her knees and her coyly attempting to cover herself are absent. The story is that the original scene was shot on location in Manhattan, but the uproar caused by the onlooking crowd made the footage unusable (they did a re-shoot on a sound stage; it was this that made its way into the final product). The sensibilities of the age may also have contributed to the cut.

This is a movie you need to see. An American classic comedy with one of the greatest American actresses who ever lived. It's very much a fifties movie, but still funny half a century later. If that doesn't define "timeless", I don't know what does.

Watchmen: Aaronus

2009-03-09T16:00:00.002-04:00

Watchmen is a good movie. Let me start with that.

When word began to spread that Zach Snyder, the man behind 300 was helming a movie adaptation of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons highly acclaimed graphic novel, sentiments were mixed. Many fans of the tome were downcast; surely Snyder would turn this into a slow-mo action fest, butcher the story, and rob this astounding accomplishment of its soul. Others were ecstatic. Snyder is a comic nerd, after all. No true nerd, in good conscience, would ever lay an uncanonical hand on Rorschach his compatriots. Right?

It is my opinion that both groups were mistaken. What we got was a mixture of a faithful retelling and a Hollywood rework, which I have to admit, works rather well.

I'll get the negatives out of the way first.

My most immediate, and the greatest of my complaints lies with the soundtrack. Songs like The Sound of Silence and Flight of The Valkyries might seem to fit with the movie as a whole, but their placement within the film reduces what should have been some of its more dramatic, epic moments to cheesy cliches. Edward Blake’s funeral in particular lost it's morose and dark atmosphere, a fact not lessened by it's taking place in broad daylight. I had to ask myself what exactly they were thinking, and even slumped forward in my seat and said, “You’ve gotta be kidding me” when Dr. Manhattan crested over the hill in the Vietnam flashback to Die Walkure’s most recognizable piece.

There were also a lot of scenes which I was hoping I’d see, but which were predictably omitted. Pieces of Rorschach’s origin flashback are nowhere to be found, and characters like Hollis Mason aren’t given near as much screen time as you think they should. Relatively little time is spent explaining the history of the Minutemen/Watchmen, and the majority of the original masked adventurers are all but gone.

All of these complaints, however, come from a fan of the graphic novel. I went in the theater hoping (but, admittedly, not expecting) to re-experience the novel through a different medium. I wanted that same feeling that I got the first time I watched Rorschach break fingers and the discovered Adrian’s master plan. I wanted Watchmen. And in a few ways, that’s what I got.
Additionally, when viewed through the eyes of a movie goer and not a hardcore comic nerd, the film looks a little better.

The characters are all well preserved, and the actors do a competent (and in some cases excellent) job of portraying them. Rorschach is almost perfect, Nite Owl isn’t far behind, and visually, Dr. Manhattan was just plain amazing. The Comedian’s overall character is there, but some wooden acting lightens his impact. Silk Spectre is… well, Laurie; largely a support character with no real, substantial effect on the film as a whole. The only character which I feel could have been done better is Ozymandias, but he fills his niche in the story and does a few really cool things besides.

And yes, of course, the ending has been changed. Everybody knows that by now. You’ll have to draw your own conclusions as to whether or not you like the plot alterations, but in my opinion it works well, and is accessible to fans of both the novel, and people being introduced to the Watchmen for the first time.

All in all, I got what I came for. I got to see my favorite characters in motion, I was wowed by some of the visuals, and I enjoyed myself. There are other things I could say, but they’ve been covered in the other reviews. At the end of the day Snyder’s Watchmen is a great movie, a decent adaptation, and a worth watching at least once.

*Rorschach’s dialogue at the beginning is perfect, lifted straight from the graphic novel.

*As we left the theater, my friends joked that the sequel would be called, “The Revenge of Rorschach”, and that he would be endowed with Dr. Manhattan like powers.

*And yeah I know you see Manhattan’s junk. Next.

Watchmen : Brett

2009-03-08T14:05:00.001-04:00

I have read the graphic novel 3 times and studied its pages countless more times. So the night I was at the midnight premiere of the Dark Knight, and the first trailer for Zack Snyder’s film adaptation came on, I was enthralled, to say the least. As it went on, I sat at the edge of my seat, leaning forward, jaw on the floor, muttering “oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” And when the movie was over? I went home and watched the trailer online even more times. That trailer stuck with me more than the film I was there to see in the first place.

So now the wait is over and the film is out. I attended the midnight premiere with my Rorschach-obsessed girlfriend and two other friends, we firmly seated ourselves, excited, anticipating the greatness that would wash over us.

Nearly three hours later, we walked out scratching our heads, with the same opinions: it was beautiful, it was good, but something wasn’t right…

It took a day of thinking back on it to figure out why it didn’t feel right, and now I know: it was too damn artificial feeling. Let me put it this way: this film is incredibly faithful to it’s source material, insofar as the attention to detail, the events as they happen, right down to the lines spoken by the actors coming straight off the pages of the graphic novel. The problem is, while it captures all of that, what it fails at is capturing the FEEL of the book.

That was what irked me the most, for the entire time I sat in the theater watching the movie, I never felt any of what I felt while reading the graphic novel. No shivers down my spine, no holy shit moments, none of it. It just didn’t feel right.

Okay, that’s not entirely true. I enjoyed every scene with Rorschach in it, because he was nailed pretty much perfectly. I also loved the guy who played Dan Dreiburg/Nite Owl II, aside from a few moments here and there that I felt were really out of character for him. The rest of the characters, however, did not work for me. Doctor Manhattan’s voice was too plain and soft, and the way he recited his lines just came out as flat. I mean yes, Manhattan’s supposed to be detached from humanity and all that, but it just didn’t work. The Comedian had a lot of potential that you could tell was just waiting to be unleashed, but never happened. Veidt was painted into a corner. Laurie contributed nothing, same goes for her mother. Arg.

And then there are other things wrong with it. The pacing is terrible, while it moves at a decent clip and is never boring, some scenes are way too rushed, while other sequences go on for far too long (see the Comedian’s death and Dan having sex with Laurie), and you never get that gut-punch feeling that the book accomplishes when important things happen. The movie is also ultraviolent, unnecessarily so, and it’s just distracting and takes you out of the film. That, along with the horrible score and bad song choices, just gives the movie an overly-cheesy feel, which is precisely what it SHOULDN’T be.

*sigh* I know it sounds like I hated it. I didn’t hate it. There were some great bits to it, like I loved how they handled Veidt’s bullet catch, the opening credits were amazing, and like I said, Rorschach was perfect. I’m going to wait on the director’s cut to hit DVD, with the Black Freighter stuff included, and we’ll see how that goes.

[Brett]

Watchmen: Murex

2009-03-08T11:15:00.010-04:00

Murex's Journal, March 6th, 2009: Hot dogs in heater this morning, sweet relish on burnt frankfurters.

This theater is afraid of me. I've seen its true facade. Impressive. Very art nouveau. The trailers are all extended teasers and the teasers are full of explosions and when they're over all the fanboys will drown in their sweat. The accumulated filth of all their candy wrappers and popcorn buckets will foam up around their feet and all the film buffs and comic-lovers will shout "Start the movie!" and the projectionist will whisper, "No." but then the manager will have a stern talk with him and he'll change his mind.

Watchmen, in case you have somehow missed it or are some night-clubbing cool kid with no nerd friends whatsoever, is a graphic novel. Many would argue that it is in fact the graphic novel. If you are new to Watchmen, do not approach your resident comic-book-reading friend to learn about it. They will gesture wildly and begin foaming at the mouth in an attempt to both explain what the premise of the novel is and to express their ardent fervor for its brilliance, which may result in a mild stroke.

The setting of the film and novel is an alternate 1985 America, where masked heroism has been outlawed. Reaching its heyday in the forties, the moral quandaries of allowing "masks" to take the law into their own hands finally reach their peak and Congress forbids it. All heroes retire—except for the misanthropic Rorschach, an over-the-edge masked avenger with an inflated sense of justice and a belief that morality is an absolute value.

It is this aspect that makes the property so engaging—all the characters are so astoundingly human, with all the problems and personality disorders you'd expect someone who punches guys while dressed up in tights to have. Even the godlike Dr. Manhattan has problems with being immortal, indestructible and omnipotent. All of this comes through via the (mostly) capable performances of the film's actors. Some stilted acting, however, comes close to ruining certain moments, and while the performances are mostly decent, there is a certain robotic feeling to it all, that it's an adaptation, not a work by itself, and the movie suffers from it.

The action sequences in the movie are stylized, and a bit over-the-top in classic Snyder tradition. Making extensive use of slow-motion and kung-fu flick-esque choreography, one gets the feeling that these segments are there for the benefit of everyone who came to see Watchmen: That One New Comic Book Movie, as opposed to Watchmen: the Adaptation of Said Comic. I'm not saying that Silk Spectre never kicked ass, just that I don't remember her turning a guy upside down and slamming him bodily into a wall. The same goes for a lot of the violence in the film. I really don't remember that many stray entrails. Don't bring the kids. Seriously.

Visually, the movie is candy. As close to the novel as a movie made in this era could possibly be, Zack Snyder's love for the source material is shown in beautiful still shots and slow pans, letting the viewer take it all in. His eye for detail is unmatched as well, cramming as much as he possibly can into every frame. In a way, though, it proves Alan Moore right: even with all the loving detail in the world, a movie is a ride on rails rather than a walk in the park, and the viewer can't stop and admire and examine the little things as one could with a comic book. Having said that, the film does its damnedest and succeeds for the most part on translating the still panels into moving images.

Some things had to be cut, however. The Tales of the Black Freighter comic-in-comic is nowhere to be seen, and several smaller scenes were taken out, dampening the impact of events like the unmasking of Rorschach. The climax of the novel has been changed, but before you storm angrily out the door, it was tastefully, even brilliantly executed. While I do enjoy Moore's version, I think it would have (ahem) alienated many moviegoers, leading to confusion and lots of what-the-fuckery. A hilariously subtle nod is made to the novel—possibly for the Watchmen faithfuls like me—during the movie's version of the climax, something I sadly missed and had to have a friend point out to me. Luckily in the case of the deleted scenes, Snyder plans on releasing a ginormagantuan three-and-a-half-hour director's cut version of the film on DVD, and if we are good fanboys and it sells, there are rumors of a theatrical release of this version as well. Fingers crossed, mates.

All in all, it's a good movie. It's not a fantastic, mind-altering experience. It's Watchmen: The Ride, the essence of the novel brought to life as vividly as it can be. Its flaws are apparent, and serve to show the stark contrasts between mediums, and how a positive aspect in one can be a pitfall in the other. Its obviously painstaking recreation of its source is its biggest shortcoming, and fails to attain a real level of greatness and soul as Christopher Nolan's Batman reboot and sequel did for that series. A gem to be sure, but a flawed one.

(I feel I should also mention that there is a penis in this movie. A blue one. I feel I should mention this because every single other review in the godforsaken universe thinks it's important. I mean, yeah, sure, it's obscene. That's kind of the point. Can we grow up now?)

Watchmen: Krenz

2009-03-06T13:04:00.007-05:00

"Never compromise. Even in the face of Armageddon."

Okay, so if you are a part of the geek mind set in this country in the slightest, you knew it was coming months and months in advance. Alan Moore and Dave Gibbon's comic masterpiece take to the silver screen in one of the most highly anticipated adaptations of all time. How did this bar of high expectation fare once the film finally played in theaters nationwide this weekend?

When I first heard of the Watchmen, I knew nothing about the comic. I didn't know it existed. In fact, when I saw the first trailer, I thought Watchmen was about one guy who was a super hero dick who didn't want to save people. ("I whisper, 'No'") Then it came to light that there was this comic turned graphic novel, and a film adaptation has been in production hell for over 20 years. My interest peeked. Eventually I got a hold of the novel, began reading it, and before you know it I had Watchmen fever.

I'm not going to lie, I was damn excited for this flick. It's directed by Zack Snyder, the man who brought to life 300. If you aren't a fan of 300 you don't have any testicles. It was an R-Rated superhero flick, meaning sex, violence, the usual course of interest keepers in movies today. It seemed unable to disappoint.

And I was right. This movie was practically flawless in it's adaptation of the comic. Having finished the comic 24 hours prior to seeing the film, I was watching out for anything ghastly different to ruin the ebb and flow of the heros' converging story lines. They were all expertly crafted together in a nearly seamless fashion. What changes were implemented were done only to better translate the message into a new medium, and they weren't anywhere near unwarranted.

The editing in this film was great. The actors portrayed their parts with near perfection. I especially enjoyed Rorschach's film portrayal, and to hear his voice narrate his journal was amazing. I was surprised but not upset by the choice of how to make Dr. Manhattan sound. In reading the novel, I gave Doc a deep god-like voice, something that would seem to pierce all layers of the universe at once. The filmmakers went for a more Hal-esque sound, making me think Doc Manhattan was more of a computer than a being that transcends reality. All the other parts were cast remarkably well, resembling their comic counterparts in every detail.

The soundtrack in this film was different, but well done. It consisted of more lyrical tracks than ambient noise, making the movie less orchestral in sound. The special effects were interesting, though I do have one complaint. Certain scenes with Dr. Manhattan seemed too animated. Some of the textures in the CGI revealed it to be CGI way too easily, much like the final scene in the Matrix Revolutions. It felt less a part of the film, and more like an effect. The point of an effect is to make it not look an effect was used.

In the end, however, the film did not disappoint. I went and saw it with my lady friend, who didn't read the comic, and she greatly enjoyed the film as well. It seems like a home run for fans and non-fans alike. It is my personal recommendation that you close your laptop, turn off your monitor, or get off of your iPhone, and drive to the nearest theatre to see it. Immediately. Like, right now. I'll wait, it's okay.

...

Are you back? Good. Did you like it. I knew you would. You're welcome.

"All the whores and politicians will look up and shout 'Save us!' And I'll whisper 'no'. "

Kingdom Hospital

2009-02-18T12:16:00.002-05:00

I’ve only ever read one Stephen King novel, in the 9th grade, and that was Carrie. It was…pretty bad. However, my girlfriend is obsessed with Stephen King and insists that he doesn’t suck. And well, I liked the movie adaptations of 1408 and the Mist, so when she (my girlfriend, that is) came home from a trip to Florida wielding a television miniseries written by Stephen King, called Kingdom Hospital, I figured it’d be worth a shot.

First and foremost: BEST OPENING CREDITS SEQUENCE EVER.

Not that you really need to know this going into it, but Kingdom Hospital is essentially Stephen King’s version of a slightly older, Danish miniseries called the Kingdom. It’s not quite a remake, but it’s something close. Kingdom Hospital is a 13-episode miniseries that ran in 2004 originally, and it is mighty interesting. And weird. And awesome.

The gist of it is this: Kingdom Hospital is built on the ruins of what is referred to as “the Old Kingdom,” an older hospital that was burnt down. And the Old Kingdom was built upon the burnt ruins of an old mill that produced uniforms for the Civil War. So we’ve got a hospital built on a hospital built on an old mill. Would it shock you to learn that the place is rather haunted? If you said yes, stop reading this right now and go throw yourself down some stairs because you are clearly not paying attention.

There is a little bit of a story arc to follow, involving the ghost of a little girl named Mary, earthquakes that keep going on at the hospital, and a guy who got hit by a truck and keeps drawing while in a comatose state and interacting with what can only be described as a huge anteater with sharp teeth and a taste for bad puns (and ants). The whole ordeal kind of takes the backseat to the plot from time to time so that other weird stuff can happen, such as one episode where a man is found crucified, but still bleeding, and miracles are occurring. All of which references the Bible, of course, but not every episode is like that. You’ve also of course got all the drama going on between the doctors, particularly Dr. Hook, played by a man who looks and sounds very much like Edward Norton but isn’t, and Dr. Stegman, who is a complete asshole but hilarious nevertheless to watch.

That’s one thing that makes the series so much fun: it bounces around from quirky to dramatic to hilarious to downright surreal. How scary it gets depends on how well you deal with horror-themed things, and while it never really got too creepy, there were some disturbing moments. I loved it most for when it just went all-out strange, like when patients occasionally hallucinate and the doctors break into dancing and singing “na na na na! Na na na na! Hey hey hey! Goodbye!” My particular favorite bits involve a guy with a severed head running around, so that should tell you something. Sure, some episodes are weaker than others, but isn’t that how it always is?

It also seems that Stephen King threw a lot of his own quirks into it. The man who was hit by a truck vaguely parallels his own experience of getting hit by a vehicle, one episode revolves around a retired baseball player (Stephen King luuuurrrrvvveeeessss baseball), characters are reading his books, references are made to other works of his such as the Dark Tower series, and at least twice you hear someone say, “like something horrible out of a Stephen King novel.” And of course the man himself makes a rather entertaining cameo.

So if you hate Stephen King and his writing? I‘d still say try it out, if only for how unique it is. If you love him though, then what the hell are you waiting on? You need to check it out. The first episode is a good 2 hours long and the final episode is an hour, but the rest of the episodes are a nice thirty minutes each, so it’s not too taxing to watch.

[Brett]

GET BONUS: Here, roughly, is the first 10 minutes of the first episode, courtesy of teh Youtube! ENJOY.

My Name is Indrid Cold (The Mothman Prophecies, 2002)

2009-02-12T17:17:00.003-05:00

(Originally posted Nov. 3, 2008)

In 2002 I was a socially awkward 14 year old with an affinity for monsters and a budding interest in Cryptozoology. During my adolescent “figuring myself out” phase I sometimes referred to myself as an, "amateur cryptozoologist", which is a sort of oxymoron, if you really think about it.

That said, I was ecstatic when I learned that a movie based on the cryptid "Mothman" was in production, and scheduled to be released the summer after my interest in arguably-non-existent animals had blossomed.

So a couple of friends and I negotiated the terms with our parents, and opening night were dropped off to see The Mothman Prophecies at the AMC next to the Merit Square Mall. What followed was a sort of thrill ride; a feeling I've yet to experience since.

Six years later, I'm a socially awkward (though less noticeably so) 21 year old and I can't stop buying DVDs. So when I ran across The Mothman Prophecies at work the other day, I felt almost obligated to purchase it. I've just finished re-watching it and hope to do it justice with the following.

The Mothman Prophecies is based on a book by the same title, written by John Keel and published by Panther Books in 1975. It is categorized as non-fiction, and chronicles the strange goings on which took place in and around Point Pleasant, Virginia, between 1966 and 1967. Most notable among these events is the appearance of a winged, humanoid creature, commonly referred to as the Mothman.

The movie takes the great majority of it’s inspiration from the book, but differs in that it is more of a psychological thriller than an investigative look at the paranormal.

It follows the character John Klein (played by Richard Gere). Klein has a good job at the Washington Post, and is happily married to the woman of his dreams. Life seems perfect for him, until one night his wife suffers a sort of panic attack, and runs their car off the road. This lands her in the hospital, where it is discovered that she has a tumor in her brain.

She dies, and Klein becomes predictably depressed.

Two years later, unable to sleep, he takes to the road at one in the morning, driving with no apparent destination in mind. He finds himself in Point Pleasant, the town which is the main focus of the original book. His car breaks down in front of a house in the middle of nowhere. He knocks on the front door, asking to use the phone, and is shocked as the owner of the home points a shotgun at his head, and drags him inside.

The police show up, and it is revealed that someone, believed to be John Klein, has come knocking at the front door of the house at two thirty AM for the past three nights, asking to use the phone. John insists that he’s never been there before.

From here it just gets weirder. John becomes friends with the disturbed home owner (a man named Gordon), who begins to receive messages related to forthcoming natural disasters, including accurate predictions of locations and death tolls. John himself is set upon by a bizarre series of events which seem to be connected to that of his new friend, and many residents of Point Pleasant report seeing a winged creature with glowing red eyes.

While all this is going on, John wrestles with his own grief over his wife’s death, even as he forms a relationship with the town’s sheriff (portrayed by Laura Linney). He begins to investigate, and draws ever closer to the truth concerning Point Pleasant, which may be connected to the death of his wife.

At the center of everything, yet always just out of reach, is the Mothman. Seen only in passing glances, backlit by blinding red light, the creature appears to forty-some eyewitnesses before the movie’s climax.

John Klein receives phone calls from the apparent being, which refers to itself as Indrid Cold. It demonstrates the ability to read John’s mind, to know things before they happen, and warns John of a tragedy soon to befall Point Pleasant. The messages are so cryptic, however, that John can scarcely decipher them, and his warnings are brushed off by those he tells.

The movie portrays a sense of the unknown in very Lovecraftian fashion; an entity, more advanced than a human being, operating at the edge of known reality. Seen only when it wants to be seen, heard only when it chooses to speak, The Mothman meddles in the lives of select individuals with little or no explanation. It hints at a reality far beyond human comprehension, too vast and terrible to be understood.

Subtle imagery is used throughout the film. Allusions to butterfly-like shapes and glowing pairs of red eyes are consistent from start to finish, and add to the idea of something which is unseen, but almost certainly present.

The film may disappoint some viewers in that a good look at the monster – if indeed there is one – is never given. Blurred glimpses from far away, sketches drawn by people who may or may not be crazy, reflections in mirrors which disappear as soon as you notice them: these make up the majority of the Mothman's screen time. You'll find yourself wondering whether or not the creature actually exists.

Are the Mothman sightings legitimate, or the result of mass hysteria? Has Gordon actually encountered the creature, or is he insane? Is John Klein really being contacted by some paranormal being, or are his experiences hallucinations, brought about by his emotional instability? The film does an excellent job of crafting an open-ended plot, allowing the viewer to draw his or her own conclusions as the story progresses.

Overall, this is a great movie. A psychological, suspenseful thriller with a lot to offer any fan of the surreal. Gere’s performance is believable and competent, and the supporting cast does an excellent job. More than worth your time, and with a typically low price tag, it’s a highly accessible commodity.

Careful, though – next time your phone rings, you may think twice about answering.

Blue Attack! (iPhone, 2009)

2009-01-29T13:28:00.006-05:00

A few months back a guy named John Kooistra released a simple, yet well developed shooter on the App Store called Blue Defense!. The game consisted of the player defending a blue planet from incoming red missiles and space ships. The sole control mechanism was the accelerometer, and the game was devoid of sound. Never the less, the title was effective, affordable, and a lot of fun. Players latched on to its pick up and play presentation, as well as it's crisp, clean graphical style. The one dollar price tag didn't hurt either.

Just this month a sequel was released titled Blue Attack!. Set in apparently the same universe, Attack! once more engages the player in savage combat with the red guys, only this time, we're playing offense.

The game is a two dimensional, directional shooter. While this type of game is a common thing nowadays (especially on the App store), Kooistra's approach in Attack! is such that the game stands out with undeniable distinction.

The game grants the player a lot of freedom. As you destroy enemies, you earn "loot" which can be used to purchase upgrades and new weapons for your ship. You can also tack on additional wing mates (up to eight ships identical to yours, but smaller in size) that will fly along with you and shoot at whatever you're shooting at. You can even change their formation, causing them to fly behind you as a chevron, or a long, snaking tail.

The game offers two control options (a rare thing in iPhone games), allowing you to manipulate your ship using either the touch screen or the accelerometer. Shooting happens automatically, and your ammo is infinite, allowing you to focus all your attention on piloting your ship. This is a good thing, because you'll be plenty busy doing it. The accelerometer can be calibrated at leisure, allowing the player to sit up straight, recline, or even lay flat on their back without having the controls go all wonky (a common problem in games of this type).

Like Defense!, Attack!'s graphics are nothing short of pretty. Developers seem constantly striving to make the iPhone's hardware capabilities work for them, and Kooistra has done an excellent job of developing an art style and presentation that works, both for his games, and for the iPhone itself.

Attack! also offers two gameplay modes - Campaign, and Infinite. Campaign tasks the player with completing several increasingly challenging levels in succession, until a final confrontation with the boss (I still can't beat it). Infinite is exactly what you think it is - you keep playing until you're out of lives, and rack up as many points as you can.

For an iPhone game, Blue Attack! offers a lot of depth and replayability. The graphics, sound, and controls are executed to near perfection, and there's fun to be had by anyone willing to shell out the $1.99 it'll take to add this title to your library. It's well worth it, and I wouldn't be surprised if we see a port popping up on the Xbox Live Arcade sometime in the next couple years (Okay, maybe this is a little unlikely. But I can dream.)

You know it's a good day when somebody says this to you.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

2009-01-28T00:27:00.002-05:00

“Everybody make genetics your bitch!”

I’ve already reviewed the soundtrack, and now I’m here to review the movie.

Much like other things I find myself reviewing, this is not high-class, award-winning cinema. This is a musical, a rock opera to be more specific, that takes place in the future and involves organ repossession, a drug called Zydrate (which comes in a little glass vial. A little glass vial? A little glass vial!), and has a scene in which Paris Hilton’s face comes off.

Yes, Paris Hilton is in this. But I’m getting ahead of myself here.

In the year 2056, organ failure has become an epidemic. GeneCo, the company run by Rotti Largo, offers replacement organs to the masses, but there’s a catch: if you miss a payment on that new heart or that kidney transplant you got, then GeneCo sends out the Repo man to repossess that shiny new organ with the barcode on it. And, well, the Repo man is going to be pretty violent about the whole thing, too. This isn’t like waking up in a bathtub with your kidneys missing, no. Chances are you won’t wake up at all. So, it’s a rock opera about ripping out people’s organs in the future! How awesome is that?

“And what if you could have genetic perfection? Would you change who you are, if you could? Because it‘s quick! It‘s clean! It‘s pure! It could change your life, rest assured! It's the 21st century cure!”

That’s kind of a problem. They came up with a fucking awesome concept here, but the realization and execution isn’t quite what it could be. The plot itself actually revolves less around the ripping and tearing of organs and has more to do with um, family drama. You have Shilo, the 17-year-old girl who is confined to her room due to an unexplained disease that had killed her mother. Her father, Nathan Wallace, is the lead Repo man for GeneCo, unbeknownst to his daughter of course. And then there’s Rotti Largo, head of GeneCo, and his three kids: Amber Sweet, played by Paris Hilton, a bitch with a love of surgery and addiction to Zydrate, Pavi, the narcissist who likes wearing the faces of women, and Luigi, a man with one hell of a temper. Rotti is dying, and the three siblings squabble over who will be inheriting GeneCo when the old man bites the dust. Oh, and then there’s the opera itself, who’s lead act is Blind Mag, played by Sarah Brightman.

It’s…actually a bit of a mess, really. It’s nothing too difficult to follow, but the story does flounder quite a bit. I have to place the blame on poor character development for one thing, especially the plot bits that involve Blind Mag. She plays a huge role, but has so little screen time or anything that it doesn’t hit quite as hard as it should when shit hits the fan. The ending also leaves a bit to be desired…

Also, Luigi and Pavi needed a hell of a lot more screen time too. Sure, they didn’t play much of a part in the plot, but they were incredibly entertaining and I really wanted to see more of them. I wanted more of the Grave Robber, too. But no, most of the movie revolves around Shilo as she escapes her room, bickers with her dad, and interacts with other characters, and well, she kind of annoyed me. But that’s just my opinion, some of you might connect with her and love her, but I didn’t like her much.

I know it sounds like I’m really trashing this movie, and while it is pretty flawed as far as the story goes, I was still thoroughly entertained. There’s not a whole lot of humor in it, but when there is, it’s very dark humor, and bloody hilarious too. Did I mention you watch Paris Hilton’s face come off? Yes! Also, the presentation and cinematography are excellent. This futuristic city is realized excellently, to such a degree that I wish they’d come out with one of those encyclopedias that explains everything from the architecture to the fashion to other things like the little communicator bracelets. You know, like those huge books for the Star Wars universe? I want one for the Repo universe, it’s that visually awesome.

And well, you’ve seen my review of the soundtrack, and seeing the action with the songs makes them more endearing. Not a day goes by where I don’t wind up with at least two or three songs getting stuck in my head at some point or another. It’s damn catchy.

So, do you like rock music? Opera? Ultraviolence? Crazy goth fashion? Are you willing to ignore bad story flaws? If so, then check this movie out, it’ll certainly leave an imprint on your brain, visually or sonically.

“He won’t bother to write or phone you, he’ll just rip the still beating heart from your chest! REPO MAN!!”

[Brett]

RE-view?

2009-01-24T18:58:00.004-05:00

This started with a simple question about referring movies, would you see it again? Thinking about it more I realized it would work better on a scale of 1 to 10. This will be a quick way to put up short reviews of movies. 6 through 10 will be yes I would see it again and 1 through 5 will be know.

A quick key

10- Yes, excellent movie, I would see it again and definitly buy the DVD.

9-Yes I would probably see it in the theatre again and definitly (at least) rent the DVD

8- Yes I would rent the DVD maybe eventually buy it

7- Yes I would rent it

6- Yes I would watch it when it comes on TV

5- No, I might watch it if a sequel comes out

4- No, Maybe if with friends are watching it

3- No, I don't regret it, but would not watch it again

2- No, I wish I hadn't spent money for it in the theatres

1- No, I wish I had never seen it

Now a selection of movies. Feel free to post your opinions in a comment below, skip or put a 0 if you haven't seen it.

Serenity - 10, excellent movie (the TV show was excellent as well) and worth many many repeat viewings

The Spirit- 8, It was a fun movie and worth seeing again although not in the theater

Yes, Man- 9, Seen it twice already and loved it

Green Arrow: Quiver

2009-01-22T21:30:00.004-05:00

Written by Kevin Smith
Pencils by Phil Hester
Colors by Guy Major

For as well-rounded a nerd as I profess myself to be, I've never had the chance or drive to plunge myself into the world of superhero comics. Sure, I can name more superheroes than most people forget, but I'm not intimately familiar with the goings-on of the Justice League or what the Avengers are doing these days. With that, I can understand the expressions the comicos out there must be giving me, thinking to themselves, "He chose to dive into the DC Universe with Quiver?!" or similar. And while the ten-issue Green Arrow arc is deeply nestled in the intertwining brambles of the DC thicket, it's worth going in there to investigate.

WARNING: TOTAL SPOILERS DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS SHIT AND WOULD RATHER GO ALL THE WAY BACK TO LIKE CRISIS AND READ FORWARD FROM THERE

Quiver tells the story of Oliver Queen a.k.a. the Green Arrow, picking up after the events of an arc called The Longbow Hunters. I don't know what that is, but it involves the Emerald Archer's untimely demise. His subsequent resurrection has everyone he meets spooked, and he can't remember the last ten years of his life. Needless to say, this gets really, really confusing, really fast. Newbies that can't stand people referring to things like the Speed Force and Crisis and Doomsday and generally anything not brought up in the tome proper, beware: self-contained it's not.

The reason I didn't care about this particular hangup—or all the asterisks pointing me to check out Justice League Files #12-15 or Batman: Poison Tomorrow—is because everything about this comic is amazing. It's hard not to like Ollie Queen's hero banter, which alternates between sarcastic quips about costume choices and heartfelt accusations of fascism. He's a likeable guy, and it might be easier to relate to him for DC initiates. Just like Queen, you'll often be wondering just what the hell is going on, but if you like anything at all about the book, you'll roll with the punches.

And oh, the writer: Kevin Smith, legendary film director and a demigod to American nerds, provides the story and dialogue, which is a particular treat in addition to the lovely stylized art by Phil Hester. Smith's lifelong comic book fanaticism enables him to write a story about characters he loves while keeping the mythos of the DCU intact—a fanfic this ain't. All that love and knowledge shows through in a narrative that strikes that signature Kevin Smith, View Askewniverse balance between complete slapstick hilarity and insightful commentary.

END SPOILERS I GUESS

So, bottom line: if you're a comico, especially an Arrow-head and don't have this yet, you owe it to yourself to invest in it. If you're a newbie to the DC Universe, you might want to read a bit more about the preceding events before diving into Quiver. If you're a newbie but you don't mind being confuddled for a while as long as the story and art are good, you have to give it a shot. Regardless, if you think you're ready for it, you will probably enjoy this comic. Here's to my first foray into the world of the Justice League!

The Titanic Toho Trifecta

2009-01-20T01:46:00.006-05:00

It's no secret that I'm a fan of giant monster movies. Give me a guy in a rubber suit stomping cardboard buildings over CGI what-have-you any day.

The undisputed champions of the Daikaiju genre, Toho Co. LTD, are most widely known for creating the Godzilla franchise, a series which has lasted for over fifty years, and boasts twenty nine feature films to date. Whether you've seen the movies or not, just about everyone has heard the name, “Godzilla”. I could go on for several paragraphs, talking about how innovative the films are, and leak all kinds of gooey fanboy trivia all over the floor, but that wouldn't be polite.

Godzilla is indisputably Toho's most popular franchise, but several other giant monsters have been churned out by studio over the last five decades. Rodan, Mothra, and King Ghidorah are nearly as recognizable as Godzilla, having been featured in many of the movies and spin offs that have made the King of The Monsters famous, but they make up only a small fraction of Toho's stable of rubber suit-powered juggernauts. I watched three of the more obscure films this week, and now you get to read about 'em.

1. The Mysterians – 1957: The Mysterians is your typical 60's-style alien invasion flick. A tokusatsu film in the truest sense, much of the screen time is alloted to the elaborate miniature dioramas which are a hallmark of the genre. The plot is fairly straight forward: Aliens, seeking refuge from their used-up planet, take up residence on earth. The Mysterians are a strange looking lot, clad in dayglo capes and crazy motorcycle helmets. Their request is a simple one. A small plot of land where they can park their mothership, and permission to mate with earth's women. In my opinion this is a reasonable request, but the earthlings will have none of it, and immediately declare war on the technologically superior Mysterians. Seems to me like they could have negotiated a bit longer before they started launching firecracker-rockets, but then we wouldn't have much of a movie. The Mysterians really isn't a giant monster film, as the only monster to be seen is a robot controlled by the Mysterians called Mogera. He only gets a few minutes of screen time, but it's a fun movie, and the special effects are great.

FACT: Mogera wasn't seen on screen again until Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla, which was released in 1994. He was given an updated design, and renamed MOGUERA, which is an acronym for Mobile Operation Godzilla Universal Expert Robot Aero-Type. No really. That's what it stands for.

2. Dogora – 1964: Dogora is an interesting film, and an original one at that. This movie relies more heavily on plot than most films in the genre. I've heard it called, “A mystery movie with a giant monster at the center, not a really giant monster film” but I tend to disagree. The film is indeed a giant monster movie, and while the titular creature doesn't get as much screen time as one might think he should, his appearances are pretty spectacular. Dogora is a single-cell space life form, mutated by the atomic radiation in the atmosphere above Japan (!?!?!). He grows into a crazy jellyfish looking thing, and starts flying around the world, eating coal, stealing diamonds, and dropping multicolored boulders on populated areas that look like they belong in a fish tank. Unfortunately, much of the screen time is devoted to a band of diamond thieves trying to pull of a major heist, and their token good-guy counterparts. Dogora himself takes a back seat to the mystery and intrigue, which aren't all that interesting in and of themselves. Nevertheless, this is a good movie, with some pretty decent special effects. Images of Dogora appearing in a blue-and-green cloud over Japan are nothing short of doomsday-awesome (think Hellboy 1), and the shots of him flying (likely created by submerging a marionette in a tank of water) look great. Worth watching if you're into this sort of thing, but by no means one of the best in the genre.

FACT: Robert Dunham, who portrays the character Mark Jackson in this film, also played Antonio, the emperor of Seatopia in Godzilla vs. Megalon. A professional stunt driver, Dunham also lent his talents to the frequent car chase scenes in Megalon, and decades later, became a contributing writer for Car and Driver.

3.Yog – Monster from Space/Space Amoeba – 1970: This was the first such film released by Toho after the death of special effects master, Eiji Tsuburaya. It is known by multiple titles, though the two listed here are the most common. I won't spend too much time commenting on the plot, because that's not what you're here for, but suffice to say it involves aliens. Again. The special effects in this one are just awesome, and monster screen time is generous. The monsters in this one have been scaled down as well – they're only about twenty to thirty meters, which makes their interactions with the human characters more compelling. This movie features three Kaiju: Gezora, the squid, Ganime, the crab, and Kameoba, the turtle. There are some fantastic scenes in which the humans, stranded on a small pacific island with the three giants, take the antagonistic beasts on using guns and gasoline, salvaged from a derelict WW2 munition dump. There are of course the stereotypical natives who fear and worship one of the monsters, believing it to be some sort of angry god, and a corporation that wants to exploit the island for it's own benefit. While this movie may not be very original, particularly to fans of the genre (the prayer song sung by the natives sounds suspiciously like the one used in King Kong vs. Godzilla), it is a lot of fun, with plenty of action and eye candy to keep you interested throughout it's hour and a half. Well worth the twenty or so dollars you'll pay for it on eBay.

FACT: This is the only movie ever to feature Gezora and Ganime, but Kameoba does make a brief cameo appearance in Godzilla: Tokyo SOS (2003). He is discovered dead, washed up on a beach, with a horrendous gash in his neck. It is implied that the creature was killed by Godzilla. One character also alludes to this Kameoba being a prehistoric survivor, which indicates that any connection to the original monster's appearance has been severed (the original was a regular turtle mutated by the alien)

Gran Torino

2009-01-17T19:37:00.004-05:00

Walt Kawalski (Clint Eastwood) is a war-hardened, bitter old man living in an old Detroit suburb, which is slowly being overrun by a variety of immigrants. The majority of those immigrants are Hmong, an ethnicity that encompasses certain Chinese, Vietnamese, and Laotian peoples. Walt is a veteran of the Korean War, rendering his previous interactions with Asians not exactly positive. Walt’s wife has passed away at the beginning of the film and his children and their families arrive to mourn with him. Walt is extremely disappointed in everything he sees of his family, often grunting in displeasure to himself. Father Janovich, Mrs. Kawalski’s priest, approaches Walt after the proceedings, informing him that she made the Reverend promise to get Walt into Confession. Walt, uninterested in the church, tells him that he knows nothing about life and death, and sends him away.

One of Walt’s Hmong young neighbors, Thao, is being viciously bullied by a racist Asian gang in the neighborhood, and they convince him to join their ranks. His initiation is to steal Walt’s beloved 1972 Ford Gran Torino (the film’s namesake), something Walt doesn’t take to kindly to. He prevents the theft, and sends Thao packing. The gang returns to harass Thao at home, but Walt comes by with his M1 Garand, uttering “Get off my lawn”, and the gang hightails it out of there. Walt is seen as the hero of the neighborhood, and the Hmong people begin showering him with food and foliage, another thing Walt doesn’t appreciate. Soon though, Walt starts to warm up to his neighbors, and begins protecting them from various groups of less than savory people.

I went into this movie very excited. I had the highest expectations for it. Everything I heard from other reviews, from the trailer, from people I knew told me that this movie would be a cut above the rest. And I wasn’t disappointed.

This American drama rocks in all aspects. Clint Eastwood plays the part of the most badass 72 year old action hero in cinema, and Eastwood’s writing and directing are superb.

The tone in the first two acts of the film is largely comedic. There’s just something about watching an old crotchety white man refer to varying ethnic groups by some of the worse names imaginable that’s incredibly funny. And the name calling isn’t reserved for the Asians. Being an Italian, I can inform you that Walt refers to his barber as an “old Italian prick” and a “cheap doo-wop dago.”. His bartender returns in kind with “pollock sonova bitch” in some good friendly ribbing.

The final act, and the foreshadowing that leads to it, is phenomenal. I can’t really tell you everything that was good about the end without giving it up. Suffice it to say that it was powerful, and one of the most meaningful movies I have seen in a while.

Final verdict? See it in the theatre very soon. These kinds of movie don’t impact you the same way on DVD, I’ve noticed. It’s touching, it’s funny, it’s emotional, I even nearly cried at one point. If there was a star rating system here at Hindsight Alloys, and it was out of five stars, I’d do something ridiculous and give it five and a half stars.

Abbreviewations: 2 movies, a book, an album, and a game!

2009-01-16T18:30:00.007-05:00

Steamboy: Katsuhiro Otomo is the madman responsible for that which is considered the epitome of feature-length Japanese anime, Akira, the movie which is also pretty much responsible for introducing Japanese animation to American audiences. And after it’s release, things just got quiet. Why? Because Otomo was working on this. It’s not quite what you would expect a successor to Akira to be, and it’s not as deranged or ultraviolent, but it is still, in its own way, quite the masterpiece.

As you can gather from the title, this movie revolves around steam-powered technology. It is pure steampunk! Our movie’s hero is the young boy Ray in the year 1866, whose father and grandfather are scientists who have invented the Steam Ball, a sort of perpetual energy machine that is, you guessed it, steam-powered. Somehow. And when you create something like that, you just KNOW someone’s gonna want to use it for nefarious purposes, and someone’s gonna oppose it’s creation, and well, you can kind of see where the plot is going with this. The plot’s a bit weak, but the movie has lots of eye candy to make up for it, especially towards the movie’s climax as a huge battle breaks out during the London Expo. WITH STEAM TROOPERS. Seriously, that’s what they call them! And steam-powered jetpacks, giant mechanical arms, and more!

Like I said, not quite what one would expect from the creator of Akira, but it’s still certainly worth watching.

Blade II: I have never seen any of the Blade movies before, nor am I familiar with the comics. So what, pray tell, was I doing watching this? Well, it was directed by Guillermo del Toro, you know, the awesome director of the equally awesome Hellboy films, Pan’s Labyrinth, and the Devil’s Backbone? Yeah, that guy. That’s why I watched it.

It is just a straight-up fun popcorn-munching action flick. It’s not high-class cinema, not meant to be taken too seriously. The plot, involving a new breed of vampires with face-hugger-style mouths that drink both human AND vampire blood, is weak and not all too interesting, but the action is pretty great. I especially love how, when shot or stabbed by Blade’s weapons, the vampires are just INCINERATED. They explode into ashes, and it’s just so damn pretty.

Plus it has Ron Perlman (Hellboy himself!) as a vampire. Sure, he doesn’t do a whole lot, but man, it’s Ron fucking Perlman.

Dune, by Frank Herbert: IT’S DUNE. READ IT. I mean, okay, I have one complaint, and that’s that Feyd Rautha didn’t get to do much of anything and I didn’t really see what purpose his character served to the overall plot of the thing, BUT DAMMIT YOU SHOULD READ IT ANYWAYS BECAUSE IT’S DUNE.

(You can tell we're all a bit in love with Dune around here, can't you?)

Repo! The Genetic Opera soundtrack: I haven’t seen the movie (which comes out this month) or the stage show, but Repo is, well, a rock opera of sorts, taking place in the future, when organ failure is common. The company known as Geneco deals in the organ transplant business, but if you miss your payments? Then they send out the Repo-man to get the company’s organs back. Sweet, huh? Ultraviolent sci fi!

You really only get a very loose idea of the plot from this 22-song sountrack, but you shouldn’t let such a thing get in the way of enjoying the music. Being 22 songs in length, none of them reach the 4-minute mark, and there are a few duds but when it works, it works. It’s not all rock, and it’s not all opera, but this isn’t something like, say, Rocky Horror. The music is industrial, dark, but not without its catchy moments or sense of humor. When I first got it, I listened to it on repeat quite a bit, I was addicted, but now that I’ve eased back from it a bit, it’s not quite as epic as I first thought, but it’s still quite good.

Oh, and Paris Hilton is in it, but she’s not nearly as horrible as you might expect. But still, it’s Paris Hilton, meh.

Endless Ocean: It’s a Wii game in which you are a scuba diver, exploring the waters off the coast of the fictional island of Manoa Lai. You have no weapons or attacks, you can’t hurt anything and nothing can hurt you. All you do is explore, pick up artifacts, and interact with fish to learn Discovery Channel-style facts about them. It sounds terrible, but it’s really more fun than it has any right to be and is the most relaxing game I have ever played. For a Wii title, the graphics are great, and while the music provided is nice and soothing, you can put some mp3 files on an SD card to listen to while playing. Unfortunately, it just takes what song you pick and plays it on repeat while you’re diving until you go back to your boat and change it, so it’s best to pick a lengthy song that you don’t mind having a loop to it. I personally go for several Metroid Prime 2 tracks, for some reason.

If you’re bored with shooting things and solving elaborate puzzles and other typical, videogame things, do check this one out.

[Brett]

21 Grams

2009-01-15T21:52:00.004-05:00

Directed by: Alejandro González Iñárritu
Starring: Sean Penn, Naomi Watts, Benicio del Toro

If you were fourteen when this movie came out and as such were more interested in Rogue Leader and the strange lumps growing out of the chests of your female friends like I was, chances are it slipped under your radar. And that's understandable. But you're, like, twenty now. You probably shave semi-regularly and go to the frat to hang out with coeds every day. And you need to see this movie.

First off, 21 Grams is not a movie about drugs. They have a supporting role, but the title doesn't mean 21 Grams of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Just in case you were thinking that.

The movie tells the stories of three people who are forever changed by one event, as well as the effects the change has on everyone close to them. The event is a car accident, and never before has a movie so brilliantly explored the connections which are broken, as well as formed, at the brutal epicenter of such an event. The overarching theme of the movie is that one moment, one decision, one person, can destroy lives, create new ones, mend broken ones. It is a beautiful and moving film that succeeds on every level a drama should, especially one of this intensity. The title comes from the theory that, upon death, the body loses twenty-one grams—the apparent weight of a person's departing soul.

I've never heard of Sr. Iñárritu before, but his direction in this piece is masterful. Hopping between different periods in the lives of three main characters, what starts out as a fairly chaotic and confusing collection of shots eventually coalesces into a concrete whole that gives closure and a modicum of peace of mind. The camera work is almost if not entirely handheld, creating a very intimate feel. All in all, it's just a damn good piece of cinema.

Watts, Penn, del Toro...all fantastic actors, in a fantastic movie. They're broken, they're real, they're human. Emotion flows from them like a river. A river of emotion. Do I really need to sell this any more?

This film has won a cavalcade of awards for Best Everything, and for once I agree with the Academy: the actors, the writing, the direction, everything comes together in one of those rare movies that reminds us of who we are, and that that person is imperfect, possibly even broken— but still capable of feeling something, still human. If you don't believe me, just check it out. You might be suprised by what's in your twenty-one grams.

Greetings

2009-01-14T21:03:00.003-05:00

I am starting off by introducing myself to those of you who do not know me. As the blog notes my name is Eddie Wolchick, I am a bookworm and gamer as most (if not all) of the other authors are. My primary game addiction at this point is World of Warcraft(WoW) which is where part of my name comes from (although I think I originally used it years ago in nEverQuest) and the other part shows one of the things I am a big fan of (if you can't figure out what, then shame on you and what are you doing reading this blog?).

My current photo is actually of my main WoW character-Mikal. I will probably switch it to a pic of Dralfir before too long. Do not wory because I will aim to keep my WoW posts to a minimum. I plan to post one review of my thoughts and opinions of the game and expansions and there is one other post I might put up that will be very heavy in WoW references but not about WoW. I might in the future post abbreviewations (i think that is how Aaronus spelled it) about big patches but aside from that I will aim to focus on other stuff.

I sometimes do not get around to finishing games but I would like to post my thoughts on what I have played, to that end I plan to post Partial Reviews or (P)Reviews as I plan to label them. I might have more to say later but that is all I have for now.

Well apparently I am completly braindead from work today, one of the key things I meant to mention before I posted it a few minutes ago popped into my mind. I am a writer, I am working on what I plan to be a seven book series (although I am moving slowly at it). I have some ideas for some fiction based posts series and such, but I will wait till later to tell more about those (unless they fall apart before starting).

Paul of Dune (2008, Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson)

2009-01-14T12:27:00.004-05:00

(WARNING: this review contains spoilers, concerning both the titular novel, and other novels in the same series. If you are in the process of reading any of them or plan to do so in the future, you may want to avoid this article until you’ve finished the books.)

Frank Herbert's untimely death not only signified a great loss to both the literary and science fiction communities, it also left a vacuum in the Dune universe. Two trilogies were completed before the old master passed away, but even so, many loose ends and unanswered questions were left in his wake.

Decades later, Brian Herbert and Kevin J Anderson took maker hooks in hand and expanded upon the rich, intriguing universe of Frank Herbert's masterpiece. Allegedly, Frank left behind box upon box of notes, story outlines, and rough drafts that Anderson and B. Herbert used to draw inspiration from.

For the purpose of this review, and to avoid confusion, references to titles written by Frank Herbert will be followed by (FH). Titles written by Brian Herbert and Kevin J. Anderson will be followed by (BK).

Eight books and several questionable canonical additions later (Duke Leto had a son before Paul? Gaius Helen Mohaim as Jessica's mother? The Baron Harkonnen is fat because of an STD?), their entries can arguably be called decent books, but poor additions to the life, history and surroundings of Muad'dib.

And now, after penning the chronicle of the Butlerian Jihad, the years preceding Paul's birth, and the events which follow the conclusion of the Bene Gesserit’s war with the Honored Matres, Anderson and Herbert have returned to visit upon us yet another tale, arguably non-canonical, concerning the House Atriedes. The book is called Paul of Dune, and concerns the titular hero which many Dune fans know and love so well.

May your blade chip and shatter.

The story takes place in two separate timeframes – between the Prelude to Dune trilogy (BK) and Dune (FH), and between Dune (FH) and Dune Messiah (FH). The narrative jumps back and forth between young Paul on Caladan, and older Paul on Arrakis.

We see House Atriedes embroiled in a War of Assassins alongside their allies, House Ecaz. Paul, Leto, Gurney Halleck and Duncan Idaho are all placed in repeated peril, and using their strengths, wits and intuition, they overcome challenge after challenge, until the triumphant victory at the end of the book.

The second story plays out in much the same way. It deals with Paul's consolidation of the Imperium after his defeat of Shaddam Corrino IV at the Battle of Arakeen, and details many of the logistical obstacles one might expect to encounter after such an usurpation. Certain aspects of both these stories work rather well, and are enjoyable to see play out in the book.

Assassination attempts made on Paul's life by the enemy in both tales seem like feasible, realistic events, but the nature of said attempts is so outlandish, it makes the reader wonder just what exactly the authors were thinking. In one particular scene, as Paul Muad'dib holds court in his newly constructed citadel, small embossed circles on the wall open, and from them swarm hundreds upon hundreds of hunter-seekers. Then a bomb goes off under the throne.

This is not only as ridiculous and grandiose as it sounds, but it just doesn't work. The security surrounding Paul during and after his victory at Arakeen would have been extreme, and that's to say the least. The fanaticism of his Fedaykin guards is not downplayed in the novels, and even in this book we see the fervor with which they serve and protect him. The idea that someone – even the person described in the book – could smuggle, plant, and activate the implementations of such a flamboyant attempt on Paul's life seems ridiculous.

There are other instances which don't seem to fit, such as a Tleilaxu master's confession to Count Hasimir Fenring, "we have our own Kwisatz Haderach." Tleilaxu secrecy is a hallmark of Herbert's original novels, to such a degree that even the reader doesn't know all their secrets until the final installments of the series. For a Tleilaxu master to simply say, "oh yeah we have on of those super-human deals who can see the future, sure." is even more ridiculous than the aforementioned hunter seeker swarm, and the offhanded nature in which the remark is made is nothing short of infuriating.

It is instances like this that ruin what is otherwise a decent story. Seeing Stilgar lead assaults on rebel worlds during the Jihad, including the capture of Kaitain, is an interesting affair. As is Princess Irulan's appointment as Paul's historian and scribe. We also finally meet the child of Lady Margot Fenring and Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen.

While many fans might consider these details interesting, the ideas in the novel suffer on two painful accounts.

The first, and most obvious, is the presentation. Frank Herbert had a very distinctive way of writing. It can be, at times, difficult to understand, but it works in the context of Dune. His descriptions are vague so as to let the reader construct their own image of Herbert's idea, while including enough important details that the reader still sees what the author wants them to see.

These new books are different. Everything is described with too much detail, and the result is a shallow and artificial feeling product that bears some strange need to explain itself, or something. This would be a complaint not worth mentioning, if only said descriptions were better. The wording is often so elementary that the books read like juvenile fiction (ala Twilight and Harry Potter) as opposed to follow-ups to one of the greatest science fiction masterpieces ever to see the light of day.

The second – and this is a personal gripe – is that these are not details that we need. I already know what Paul did between Dune (FH) and Messiah (FH): He was the emperor of the known universe. I don't CARE about Stilgar learning to swim before leading assaults on aquatic worlds. That fact is a given, and I don't need it explained to me.

Over all, Paul of Dune is a decent book in it's own right, but fans of the original series will likely consider it a lackluster entry into the universe. The tome is weighed down by far too many ridiculous and unnecessary elements, like war horses (real, living, breathing horses) which are "driven" by electronic control panels, apparently wired into their brains. Why they can't just ride the horse is beyond me. If it weren't for this and other absurdities, Paul of Dune would likely garnish more respect from the Dune fan base, and the liberties taken by Bryan and Kevin in Frank Herbert's absence would be far more forgivable.

I hate to leave the universe of my favorite book on such a sour note. Keep your eyes open for the follow-up to this review, which will be an overview of Dune as a series.

"The Anubis Gates" by Tim Powers

2009-01-07T16:06:00.002-05:00

With the exception of a little movie called Primer, I am normally not a fan of time travel. Or stories that use Egyptian mythology. It feels so cliché in the science fiction genre. And yet, here I am writing a review for a book written by Tim Powers called the Anubis Gates, which involves both time travel AND Egyptian mythology, but yet DOESN’T suck.

It’s a testament to my girlfriend’s awesome tastes in things. We weren’t dating yet (that would be days later) when I was standing in her apartment, looking at her book collection, and she pulled it out and shoved it in my hands. Her words to me were, “it’s an awesome book and no one else I know has read it.” I admit, I was reluctant, especially since I was at the time about halfway through Dune, which, at the time of this writing, I STILL haven’t finished yet. I know, I know…

Anyways. Don’t let the title fool you, the majority of this book takes place in London in the year 1810. Why? Well, that’s where the time travel kind of kicks in. Our main protagonist is Brendan Doyle, a professor who is hired by an aging millionaire named Darrow. Darrow has discovered these “gates,” open in certain places at certain times, following a pattern through human history, and has also discovered that one can use these gates to travel back in time to specific dates. He and a number of other wealthy entrepreneurs plan on jumping back to 1810 to see a lecture given by a famous poet, with Doyle tagging along as a sort of poetry expert.

The time travel itself goes rather smoothly. They never really explain how it works, which is for the better because even if they did, it still probably wouldn‘t make sense to me. Normally in this genre, time travel leads to horrible things happening and paradoxes and things, but not so much here. It’s just the method of how Doyle gets misplaced in the 19th century and not much else. After the lecture, Doyle is kidnapped by a band of gypsies while the rest of the gang he was with manages to get back to the gate and escape back to modern day.

And things just get crazier and crazier from there.

Sorcery is heavily used in the book, and it too is not your typical spell-casting fantasy crap. An interesting touch is that the two primary villains of the book, Doctor Romany and Horrabin the clown, cannot touch the ground due to the nature of the sorcery they use. Horrabin is always on stilts because of this, and also because of horrible mutilations inflicted upon him by his father, while Doctor Romany uses spring-soled shoes. There’s another character who factors into the book, a body-swapping werewolf named Dog-Faced Joe. No, I am not kidding: a body-swapping werewolf. And a “ka,” or copy, of Lord Byron. You know, the poet. Did I mention how unique this book is?

The story is also surprisingly unpredictable. Things never go quite as planned, so you’re never sure what to expect will happen next. Doyle has both the best and worst luck of anyone in the book, and it’s surprising just how many insane things happen to the man.

It’s not the lengthiest read, and while some of the action sequences are great, others are a bit vague and hard to follow, and the very opening of the book, a sort of prologue, was incredibly hard for me to get through, but once the first chapter starts up, the book picks up and moves at a smooth pace, leaving few if any loose ends by its conclusion.

I have no idea if the book is still in print, as my borrowed copy was apparently picked up for a dollar at a used bookstore, so you might have to do some digging for it, but trust me, it’s a fun and awesome read.

Now, to go finish Dune…

[Brett]

Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe And More

2009-01-02T00:13:00.000-05:00

(See the end of this post for two Abreviewations)

"DARK KAHN WINS" is still ringing in my ears after playing Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe for several hours. In the same vein as those epic Capcom vs Marvel or Capcom vs SNK fighters, MKvDCU pits the characters from the Mortal Kombat canon against those from the world of DC Comics. What ensues is actually a great deal of fun, once you get used to the combat system, and the little "minigame-esque" extras that pop up from time to time in battle.

The game has the typical modes that you'd expect in a Mortal Kombat title. There's the standard arcade mode, which I started with as soon as the disc loaded. This mode of course lets you select your character and battle the totem pole of opponents until facing the big baddy, Dark Kahn. The difficulty level isn't to high, though I did have do more than a handful of continues and character changes in order to reach the top. There's no start over penalty, and no limit on the number of continues you get. Fighters always draw me in though, and I didn't give up until I beat it.

Of course, like all fighters you get the Practice mode; but the mode to note is the Story Mode. Fortunately for us, they didn't make it some crazy RPG type thing, either. The story mode let's you pick from following the story of Raiden, God of Thunder in Mortal Kombat, and his closest foes/allies, or that of Superman and his. You then unravel the tale of how their respective Universes become intertwined. Also, Darksied and Shao Kahn warp digivolve into Dark Kahn somehow. I picked the DC side, and got to jump from character to character in roughly 9 chapters, with cut scenes and and fights abound. The dialogue was very similar to that found in a typical episode of Justice League, and the voice acting wasn't too terrible either.

Now, the fighting. It wasn't good. But it wasn't bad either. It was fun, and I think that's all that matters, really. The visuals were pleasing the eye, and some of the attacks were pretty cool looking. The fighting is occasionally interrupted by mini-games similar to quick-time events, which breaks the fighting game monotony fairly well. A little button mashing and quick reflexes and you'll be dealing heavy damage to your opponent.

I have one gripe about this game that transcends the fun I had with it. It was rated T. As in, Teenager. The developers wanted to make sure the ESRB would award them a T rating in order to appeal to a broader audience. What does this do? It ruins the whole point of Mortal Kombat title by making it less violent, less bloody, less over the top. In particular, they edited the best Fatality ever found in a Mortal Kombat game. Joker's Fatality features him pulling a gun on his opponent, only to shoot it and reveal a gag "BANG" flag. The opponent appears confused, but then the Joker pulls a second gun and blow their brains out. In the North American release, the camera rotates so the character getting shot dies off screen.

In conclusion, much like how Punisher: Warzone wasn't a good piece of cinematography by any stretch of the imagination, but was definitely a good time, such is this game. I enjoyed myself, but don't expect greatness. It's a rent, for sure. Check it out.

Abreviewations:

Fallout 3
Yes, yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Pick this up. Go out to the store, and buy it immediately. The only thing keeping me from buying this title is my current financial status, and lack of free time to play this through to the end. The story is fantastic, the dialogue is superb. Nearly everything about this game pleases, especially if you are into these expansive RPG titles. Bethesda delivers again. The only problem I have with it is the combat system, which I found too difficult. I died multiple times. Also, be sure to save frequently, on different save files. You'll find yourself respawning to your last "checkpoint" with that angry mob still after you if you don't.

Gears of War 2
Developed by Epic Games and published by Microsoft, this game is also full of win, and I recommend that you buy it and play over and over again. I had so much fun playing it, and wish I could of finished the story before having to return them to the rental shop. If you liked Gears of War, you'll adore Gears of War 2. If you didn't like Gears of War, you still may like Gears of War 2. Check it out, you won't be disappointed. The graphics are something to behold, and the fun with guns is so excellently executed. Action packed story driven adventure awaits as you and Marcus Fenix take on the Locusts in this sequel to the 2006 shooter of the year.

Abreviewation: 2079

2008-12-31T20:03:00.000-05:00

2079 is a top-down shooter available exclusively on the iPhone and iPod Touch. It plays like any other shooter of it's type, pitting you up against wave after wave of enemies in a boxed in environment. Using the touch screen to aim and shoot, and the accelerometer (tilting the device) to move, the game controls well, and fans of games like Geometry Wars will have little to no trouble getting the hang of it. The game is great as a pick-up-and-play, with its simple mechanics and arcade like presentation. 2079 is available right now on the iTunes App Store for $0.99, making it a worthwhile and affordable addition to your inventory of time wasters.

Brett's Best/Worst Of 2008 Picks!

2008-12-30T11:33:00.000-05:00

I did this last year, so let's have another go at it:

Best Movie: Undoubtedly the Dark Knight. Do I really need to explain why? Heath Ledger steals the show as the Joker, and of course, anything with Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Michael Caine, and Morgan Freeman in it is gold. However, it's not my favorite. That goes to…

Favorite Movie: Hellboy II: The Golden Army. Don't act like you're surprised! It's the only movie I've seen in theaters 3 times, and for damn good reason. Guillermo del Toro is probably my second-favorite director, and the film's an excellent example of why: lots and lots and lots of IMAGINATION. The movie is packed full of creatures, the majority of which are guys in suits, puppets, and animatronics, the sets are spectacular, and the action is great. Plus, the movie's damn hilarious. Sorry Batman, but ol' Red is my favorite comicbook character.

Runner Up: Iron Man. IT'S TECHPR0N. With Robert Downey Jr. and the Dude!

Favorite Movie that DIDN'T come out this year that I saw for the first time: Stalker. Which was made in the 70's. It's a beautiful movie.

Runner Up: Primer, for being time travel done in an interesting way. And for being a lot like Pi.

Most Violent Movie: Punisher War Zone. Hands down.

Most Schizophrenic Movie: Doomsday. Seriously, from some kind of 28 Days Later thing to espionage to Mad Max to Lord of the Rings and more. This movie is INSANE. And I love it.

Best DVD: Hellboy II. Yep.

Best Trailer: Watchmen. The first one. Had me on the edge of my seat, my jaw on the floor, muttering "oh my God" over and over again. And then I went home and watched it like, 30 more times. It stuck with me more than the Dark Knight itself, man.

Runner Up: Black Dynamite! Because it was so damn hilarious.

Best Giant Monster Movie: The only one. Cloverfield. Though Hellboy II DID have the elemental…

Best Movie I Didn't See: Eden Log. Foreign sci fi thriller thing!

Worst Movie I Didn't See: Meet Dave, probably. Or any one of those parody movies, I forget which ones came out this year and which didn't, they all run together like a river of shit…Oh, and Twilight!

Best Album: The Mars Volta - The Bedlam in Goliath. After their third album, Amputechture, being so disappointing, this was a breath of fresh air and more of that psychotic, surreal wonder that encapsulates what the Mars Volta is. This is what brought them back to being my favorite band ever.

Runners Up: Nine Inch Nails - Ghosts I-IV. Okay, I haven't listened to many other new albums, but once I got my hands on this in its entirety, I played the hell out of it. 36 instrumental tracks for 5 bucks, close to 2 hours of music, and it's wonderful stuff to just zone out and work to. Also Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds - Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!! First complete album of his that I've gotten, and it's wonderful. I love that Australian man to death.

Best Soundtrack: Repo! The Genetic Opera. YESSSSS. I have Kat to thank for this, and CJ too since I think he and his girlfriend got her into it. So yes! Rock opera!

Runner Up: Monkey: Journey to the West. Another opera, from the men who created the Gorillaz, Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett. I love those guys.

Best Album that didn't come out this year: Mastodon - Blood Mountain. Fucking badass metal, I love those guys. Why I didn't get it when it came out in 2006 is beyond me, since I own and also love Leviathan. Oh well, I have remedied that now.

Runner Up: Toonami - Deep Space Bass. The man responsible for this sweet, sweet, badass instrumental music is Joe Boyd Vigil, and his other non-Toonami stuff is similar and excellent as well. This is another "play in the background while working" album that just kind of washes over you.

Worst Album: Whatever Nickelback put out not too long ago. Yeah. Fuckers. Just when I think they're falling out of style, they come back. Like some sort of venereal disease.

Best Wii Game: Super Smash Bros. Brawl. My friends and I will be playing it for years and years to come, and still probably be unlocking stuff. However…

Favorite Wii Game: No More Heroes. This is like with the movies, Brawl is superior in nearly every way, but No More Heroes touches me in all the right places. Visceral, over the top bloody action, hilarious bosses and story, and more what-the-fuck moments than any other game. Suda51 is my hero for creating this game and its protagonist, Travis Touchdown.

Most Colorful Wii Game: De Blob. Like No More Heroes, this is another underappreciated gem of a game, and will definitely put a smile on your face, unless you hate color or some shit, in which case, go fall in a volcano.

Best Wiiware Game: Megaman 9. Retro awesomeness prevails!

Best DS Game: Professor Layton and the Curious Village. Kept my attention for a very long time, convinced Sierra to buy a DS, and after beating it, I haven't touched the DS since because of how overwhelming it was.

Runner Up: The World Ends With You. One of the few Square Enix games I've beaten, with a story filled with way too many twists, an awesome soundtrack, interesting characters, and an awesome battle system. It had a style all its own.

Best GBA Game (which obviously did not come out this year): Astro Boy: Omega Factor. Treasure makes awesome games, and this is a great beat-'em-up/shooter thing with a surprisingly good story!

Best PS2 Game (which also did not come out this year): God Hand. It's almost just as zany as No More Heroes, has a soundtrack by the same guy who did the music for NMH, and you can make your own combos up for beating the shit out of goons! Also has one of the greatest bosses ever, named Elvis! Perfect for blowing off steam.

Best Game I Haven't Played: Mirror's Edge. But I've played the demo and I have a remix of the theme song!

Best Action Figure: Transformers Animated Grimlock. I love that thing to death.

Best Comic: Welcome to Hoxford. Ben Templesmith's werewolf story is awesome, and introduces Ray Delgado, one of my new favorite comicbook characters ever.

Runner Up: Popgun. Both volumes. Great, great anthologies from a huge number of writers and artists, there's a lot of talent in there.

Best Novel: Um. I didn't buy any new novels this year. Shit. Can I say Crooked Little Vein again? No? Well fuck you, I am anyways. Otherwise, I'll go with Dune, even though it was published in the 60's and I'm not even done reading it yet. Shut up, it's MY best/worst of thing! You can go do your own!

[Brett]

PowerUp Forever

2008-12-25T20:56:00.000-05:00

What do Geometry Wars, Panzer Dragoon Orta, Rez and Spore all have in common? Aside from being awesome games, traces of each can be found in PowerUp Forever, the latest top-down shooter on the Xbox Live Arcade.

The gameplay is simple enough - you control a ship, or insect, or microbe, or something (not sure what it's supposed to be) with the left stick, and shoot in any direction with the right. Enemies of all shapes and sizes accost you from every angle, and you've got to destroy as many as possible and survive long enough to complete your objectives.

Said objectives involve destroying, "parasites" in order to "enrage" the "guardian". Once the "guardian" has been "enraged", he shows up to do battle with you. Once the "guardian" is dead, you advance to the next level. Rinse and repeat.

The game is fast paced and addictive in the Geometry Wars fashion, and controls identically. Your weapons are similar, with the inclusion of the rapid fire primary cannon and the doomsday shockwave smart bomb. There are also other weapons you unlock throughout the game, such as a laser guided missile salvo and a bazooka-like single shot cannon. You are also equipped with an elliptical shield, which after being upgraded, can actually redirect enemy fire.

The ship you control has an abstract, starfighter sort of feel to it. As you progress from level to level it morphs and changes, growing larger and sprouting more wings and fins. In my eyes it physically resembles the dragon from Panzer Dragoon Orta.
The music is aquatic, echoic, ethereal, and relaxing, but will also accelerate to an adrenaline inducing techno beat at times when the action because frantic. This, along with the art style used to portray your ship and the enemy Guardians, reminds me of Rez.
The environment seems to be some sort of ocean, or primordial ooze. The creatures you encounter are reminiscent of shrimp, plankton, and assorted crustaceans. As you advance from level to level you seem to be advancing through an evolutionary process. Your ship also increases in size - enemies which dwarfed you three levels prior will be small enough to run over without taking any damage.

Additional game modes are unlocked when certain prerequisites are met within Arcade mode. Guardian Rush pits you against ten Guardians in a row, each stronger than the one before it. Overkill mode starts you in the first level and plays just like the standard game mode, but from the get go you're equipped with all weapon upgrades, making you an unstoppable powerhouse. There are two others, but I haven't played them yet.

The art style is rich and vibrant. The color of the enemies and the environment changes from level to level, and and the explosion and particle effects are gorgeous.

Over all PowerUp Forever is a great addition to any gamer's library. The game is 800 MS Points (That's 10 American Dollars) and a free demo is available on the Xbox Live Arcade. For a top-down shooter, PowerUp forever has a lot of depth, and a lot to offer anyone looking for a rich and simple game to chill out to.

Purchased on 12/25/2008. Spent approx. three hours playing

The Captains Log, Stardate: The Year of the Rat

2008-12-24T17:42:00.001-05:00

The year is ending, and this venture is just beginning.
I'm The Captain, and most of you reading at the time I am writing this either know me, or know me by proxy.

I do arts of both the traditional and the computer generated varieties, and with any luck I will have some free time in which to write some proper articles and, hopefully, design a decent logo for us so you can all spend copious amounts of money buying T-shirts and coffee mugs with a nifty little design on them.

Alas, for today my attention span is such that I can only muster a series of tiny articles, otherwise I will most likely deviate and/or ramble.

And so, we begin!

The Legend of Sonic: Twilight Hedgehog

You've all seen the ads. It's a Sonic game with roughly the same premise as Twilight Princess; In the sunlight you are Sonic the Hedgehog (Link), and the game plays exactly as you expect a Sonic (Zelda) game to play, but in the Twilight areas, you turn into a Werehog(?) (Wolf) and therein game deviates.

Oddly enough, though, this game feels more like a Sonic game than either Sonic Adventure or Sonic Heroes.
The Daytime (Sonic) levels are all about speed; you run fast and jump and hit the shortcuts as much as possible, instead of "Find the lost goddamn Pokemon ripoff" or "Hey, how 'bout you don't get to play as Sonic for about seven levels?"
The Nighttime (Werehog) levels are something akin to a kiddie version of Ninja Gaiden; you beat the living Bejeezus out of everything to work your way to the goal while collecting glowing orbs that can give you health, special attacks or upgrades. Yeah there's some basic puzzles, and some jumping about, but nothing so complex a twelve year old with Downs Syndrome wouldn't be able to complete it sooner or later.

At least Sega didn't try to make Sonic the Hedgehog shoot-'em-up.
Oh, wait...

Dick Cheese

I am of course referring to the front man for the lounge piano cover band Lounge Against the Machine, you gutter-minded fool.
You've all probably heard, if nothing else, his famous cover of the "Milkshake song," but I must insist you at least make an attempt to listen to some of his other works.

Dick's major drawing point is his adamant antithesis to the original song, turning U2's "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" into an upbeat Samba, and Metallica's "Enter Sandman" into a jazzy lullaby, complete with the tune of Pat Ballard's "Mr. Sandman" as an a Capella counter-melody.

Go check them out; you'll find a cover of at least one song you like, and you'll enjoy it, too.

Dogs

I prefer cats.

Karma

Yeah, I'm reviewing a goddamn supernatural force. I'm just that hard core.
You all know how it works; What goes around comes around and all that jazz.

I'm not saying Karma's real, but I certainly am not one to rule out the possibility, since I gave my last couple dollars to a homeless guy earlier, then got a ten dollar tip from one guy earlier, when I usually only pull in four or five bucks total by the end of my shift.
Conversely, the bank that screwed me over for BS overdraft fees had to send me an unexpected cheque last week for an unrelated matter.
So yeah, I'd like to think that there's something up there ensuring comeuppance.

Karma gets 2 Thumbs Up if you're a pretty OK guy, and 2 Thumbs Down if you're a dick.

Christmas

Or X-mas, if you're an Atheist who really wants to bastardise someone else's holiday.

I know this doesn't apply everywhere, but it really doesn't feel like Christmas Eve (which it is, at the time of writing). There's not many decorations up in my neighbourhood, my family is out of the country for a couple weeks and, being situated in Florida, it is hot enough to be Summer.
Seriously. I got a sunburn today. A freaking sunburn. In Winter.
But Christmas Eve it is, and in 5 hours and 20 minutes, it will be Christmas.

All in all, I give the holiday a 9 out of 10, because it's something anyone can celebrate, whether for the intended purpose or not. Whether you celebrate by going to midnight mass and praying, or simply by spending time with your family, I'm fairly certain Jesus wouldn't mind non-Christians using his name as a reason to be generous and kind

And I don't want to hear about over-commercialisation. Would any of you genuinely rather sit around with your congregation and sing hymns in Latin than spend time with your family getting presents that have absolutely nothing to do with Jesus or the worshipping thereof?
If so, can you spare a minute to discuss the Church of the Latter Day Saints? We have a Magazine.

No offense to Jehovah's Witnesses.

Ninja

Little bitches need to realise that Pirates are way sexier.

Yes Man

Jim Carrey's return to form was far better than expected, and the trailers promised quite a bit already.

Most people I've talked to got the impression that it was essentially the same as "Liar Liar."
It is, in fact, as similar as it could possibly be to "Liar Liar" whilst simultaneously being completely different.

The film is the quintessential Carrey flick; slapstick humour, a bit of romance, and something of a moral at the end, but the crucial family element of "Liar Liar" is removed, leaving it much more open to the in-your-face comedy seen in films like "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective," with a great supporting cast including Danny Masterson, or Hyde from "That 70's Show" as you all probably know him, and Rhys Darby, Murray the Manager from the HBO series of "Flight of the Conchords."

I say if you go to the movies and want a decent comedy movie, go see it. It's not the piss-yourself-laughing comedy of "The Mask," but it's not the message-heavy semi-comedy of "Bruce Almighty" either. It's a nice little happy medium.
Enjoy.

Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia

The hardest Castlevania game in a long time, C:OoE is also the best released since Aria of Sorrow.
A unique system for weapons and spells, combined with a deviation from the traditional layout for "levels" and the first proper female protagonist in a Castlevania game make this game worth buying even disregarding the actual content.
At least, if you're a big fan of Castlevania.

If you aren't, the game is worthwhile because it's fun. Weird little side-quests assigned by quirky villagers, dialogue that probably wasn't written by a thirteen year old this time, a truly kick-ass musical score, graphics that belie its hand held vessel, and, most importantly, levels that present a genuine challenge whilst also providing the ability to complete the challenges, without grinding for experience for hours or hunting for some obscure key in an area four levels back; these elements all make the game worthwhile.

Plus, a hot girl recommended it to me, so I figured it would be worth checking out.

9/10, Gentlemen.

Blogger

I approve. Spell Check doesn't feel the need to attempt to correct me when I use the British spellings of words. Thank you, Google, for being far more tolerant than Facebook.

End

That's it, friends!
Was it enjoyable for you? Because I have no intention of using this format again.
Hopefully you're all content with the others' reviews, because I probably won't post more frequently than once a fortnight, since I am so damn busy all the time.
Enjoy Life, Hombres.

-Captain Nigel

V: The Original Miniseries (1983)

2008-12-24T16:43:00.001-05:00

May 1st, 1983. Kenneth Johnson's science fiction franchise is born.

V is a fun, interesting story. It is at its core an alien invasion action-adventure, set in the time period during which it was filmed and released. The story is fairly cliche - large flying saucers (each three miles across) appear in the sky above major cities all round the globe. The world waits with bated breath. Finally the Visitors make contact and assure the human race that they come in peace. They look like us, talk like us, seem friendly enough and... BUT WAIT WHAT ARE THEY HIDING.

Nothing here is likely to surprise you. After a short time it becomes evident that the Visitors aren't so friendly after all, and they swiftly begin to establish a global, totalitarian rule. V was originally meant to be about the rise of a fascist government, a straight forward political thriller, but NBC opted for a sci-fi twist in order to capitalize on the popularity of other modern science fiction sagas, such as the Star Wars trilogy.

Similarities to the true story of the Nazi occupation of Europe are blatant, and likely intentional. From the SS like uniforms of the Visitors, to the corroboration of some humans and the resistance of others, right down to the "Friends of the Visitors", an organization reminiscent of the Hitler Youth. One character prominent in part one of the miniseries is a holocaust survivor, who states in reference to the harboring of fugitives who are being pursued by the Visitors, "We have to help, or else we haven't learned anything."

Moments like these are profound, and emotionally driven in a way that is neither cheesy nor forced. They give significance and meaning to what may otherwise be considered just another alien invasion story.

The special effects are good, with few lapses in quality. The matte paintings which show the saucers hovering in the sky seem to adhere to one of two extremes - laughably fake looking, or exceedingly cool. On moment in particular which sticks in my memory is of a saucer hanging over a large US city, spotlights tracing back and forth from the tops of skyscrapers beneath the ship, while helicopters and small planes orbit beneath the craft.

Explosions, energy blasts and the like are handled reasonably well. Alien weapons and technology are portrayed as standard fare, aren't captivating, but are competent.

V is also rife with memorable moments, such as a high school band playing the John Williams Star Wars theme song as the Visitors land after making first contact. A scene in which the "prosthetic" human face of a visitor is torn away, revealing the aliens true physical form is especially riveting. The reptilian look of the aliens is actually scary in it's presentation, and the makeup effects are top-notch for the period.

V's story focuses primarily on the humans who band together and form a resistance movement. Their early exploits are the vehicle for several action scenes in which they shoot it out with the invaders, and these firefights are fairly convincing. Images of alien attack craft shooting up buildings are campy and dated, but the resulting explosions are very well done.

There are however moments when it becomes painfully obvious that this is 80's sci-fi. The mannerisms, wardrobe, and demeanor of the characters is likely to annoy, especially when paired with the at times sub-par acting. This is a minor complaint though, not likely to ruin the story for anyone.

The original miniseries ended on a cliffhanger, and was followed by V: The Final Battle. I'm hoping to watch it some time during the next week.

If you like aliens, science fiction, campy 80's style cinema, or all of the above, V is worth your time. It's 196 minutes in length, and the DVD comes with several special features. I watched the feature presentation in two nights, and enjoyed nearly every moment of it.

Technopriests, volume 1: Initiation.

2008-12-23T15:34:00.000-05:00

Alejandro Jodorowsky is a madman. You may never have heard of him, but he is rather, erm, infamous we shall say, for his bizarre films such as El Topo and the Holy Mountain. I have seen both and they are quite…unique, to say the least. The movies are rife with weird dialogue, filled with symbolism, a bizarre sense of humor, and things that are not for the squeamish.

Imagine my surprise then, when I find out that Jodorowsky left filmmaking to enter the comic book industry as a writer. Whereas film is a rather limited medium, you can do pretty much anything in comics, and Jodorowsky is more than aware of this. Technopriests is merely one of many comics series that the man has written, but this first volume of it is the first I’ve ever seen of anything he’s done and I could not resist it. And, as I was expecting, it was certainly quite weird. Weirder than his movies, actually.

Technopriests is about the life of Albino, an old, um, albino, Technopriest who is recording his life’s story as he travels through space to start a new, utopian society. This first volume details his life up until his teenage years, and all the weird trials and tribulations he went through. It’s pure, unfiltered, mad science fiction, and nearly every page has something new and wholly bizarre to look at, regardless of whether it’s very important to the plot or just some grotesque creature standing in the background. It’s a testament to Jodorowsky’s imagination, the things he comes up with, and credit must go to the two artists Zoran Janjetov and Fred Baltran for actually being able to successfully illustrate whatever Jodorowsky told them to. Every panel of the comic is rich with detail, and Beltran’s computer coloring and effects are exquisitely done. It looks very much like something out of a crazy issue of Heavy Metal Magazine, which really isn’t too far from the truth I’d imagine.

The story is sort of a bizarre epic, like a sci fi comic version of the Odyssey or some such, with Albino being the middle of three children, the other two being his older, grey-skinned brother Almagro and his younger, red-skinned, four-armed sister Onyx. Their mother was a virgin destined to become the oracle of a temple on the Sacred Asteroid, until a space pirate named Ulritch the Red and his gang of pirates showed up, destroyed the place, and raped her. So each kid is from a different father, despite all being born around the same time. No, science does NOT work that way, but it makes for one hell of an interesting mythology, does it not?

And trust me, it just gets weirder and more interesting from there. Albino travels from one school to the next, meeting all sorts of weird people in his quest to become the greatest Technopriest ever, and he also goes back and talks about what was happening to his mother and siblings around the same time. The dialogue and narration are far from realistic, written in a kind of heavy-handed and very dramatic style just like an old myth would be written, and there are some great, bizarre lines such as “please Tinigrifi, lift me out of this Plasma Labyrinth! I just want to get to the beacon that signals octagonal reality!” That one’s my favorite, yes.

My one real complaint about the book is the lettering. The word bubbles are boxes, with the font sometimes being VERY small, and it can be kind of hard to tell who is saying what. It’s rather obvious that they weren’t made with the same care as the art and writing themselves, but I wonder if it’s because of the fact that it’s translated from another language (I have no idea which language that would be, Jodorowsky is multi-lingual after all, but at a guess I’d say perhaps French) or something else.

That one complaint aside, I highly recommend Technopriests if you’re into strange, dramatic science fiction comics. I got lucky in finding this volume, you can check out some random pages from different volumes on Scans Daily, and Amazon brings up a few books, but it seems the best bet would be on Humanoid Publishing’s website.

[Brett]

Welcome To Hoxford

2008-12-19T17:31:00.000-05:00

"Ray? Who's Ray? I am Cronos, lord of the Titans."

Back in 2002, a little comic called 30 Days of Night, published by IDW, reared its head and showed its bloody fangs. This series became immensely popular, notably for it's unique take on vampires, and because of the equally unique, atmospheric art, courtesy of Ben Templesmith. 6 years later, Ben's becoming more and more popular a guy in the comics industry, and his latest work, Welcome to Hoxford, certainly shows why.

Written and illustrated by Mr. Templesmith, Welcome to Hoxford is a quick, dirty, 4-issue miniseries revolving around a prison full of mad serial killers and rapists of the most depraved variety. Oh, and the prison is run by Russians who also happen to be werewolves. The story mainly follows Ray Delgado, a former soldier with a fucked up childhood, delusions of being a god, and a habit of biting anyone who happens to be nearby. An unlikely protagonist for a story about werewolves and necrophiliac prisoners, but definitely one of the best comicbook characters I have ever encountered.

This is, if I am not mistaken, the third comic that Templesmith has written, but he clearly has a talent for it. The dialogue is dark and sometimes funny, my favorite scene being at the beginning of the second issue, when Ray has a conversation in his cell with a rat that wanders in, which happens to be his mother. The pacing is pretty much perfect, although the fourth and final issue has a sort of rushed feel to wrap things up. You get the feeling that if he just had another issue or two to work with, there would be a bit more breathing room for the story, but that would also kind of kill the speed of the book a little, I would imagine. This is meant to be pretty quick, and it succeeds at that.

The art is exceptional, which is expected from a guy with one of the most unique styles out there. Templesmith is one of the few people in the comic industry who does all of the artwork himself, coloring and all, and the man deserves an award or three considering his output. The violence is a bit stomach-churning, and the dark, bleak atmosphere is thick, the colors he chooses are perfect for each panel, sticking mostly with somber blues and then bringing out vicious reds and oranges for the more intense moments.

As a fan of comicbooks, this is pretty much the best thing I've read all year. Welcome to Hoxford beats out anything else to come out lately, especially now that I've all but given up on superhero comics from the big two. The final issue just came out last month, and according to Amazon the collected trade paperback edition will be out in March. I heartily recommend it, if only to support such an awesome guy, and to support a smaller publisher that isn't Marvel or DC.

[Brett]

Doritos: Dash of Destruction

2008-12-19T00:15:00.000-05:00

"My grandpa said to me once, 'son, it doesn't matter if the horse is blind. Just hook him to the wagon anyway.' I really don't know what he meant by that."

Doritos: Dash of Destruction is a downloadable psuedo-homebrew game, now available on the Xbox Live Arcade. As the title might suggest, the game's apparent purpose is to advertise Doritos.

The game was conceived by medical software programmer Mike Borland in his spare time. Borland appears throughout the game, popping up in between missions to offer a tidbit of irrelevant wisdom (see above) or to upgrade your T Rex or Doritos Truck respectively. The Live Arcade version of the game was developed by the studio NinjaBee. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Advertisement games have been tried on the Live Arcade before, and have never been anything to get excited about. Toyota's Yaris, one of the worst games I've ever played, ever, in my entire life, for all eternity, was released on the Live Arcade for free, and tasked players with driving the titular compact around on roller-coaster highways, shooting robots and small animals with a scorpion tail-like appendage attached to the back of the car. I'm serious. The controls were horrendous and the graphics optically painful.

Dash of Destruction's premise is no more logical. The game is divided into two parts; a Truck Campaign and a T Rex campaign. The T Rex campaign puts you in control of, well, a T Rex, and your objectives include running around (and destroying) cities and eating Doritos delivery trucks ("Because T Rexs like to eat Doritos. Seriously"). Later levels up the challenge by introducing a rival dinosaur for you to compete against.

The truck levels play out the same way, but place you in the role of the delivery driver as opposed to the rampaging dinosaur. You score points by making "deliveries", which basically involves driving into a giant, holographic Dorito before you get eaten too many times.

I played the game for all of twenty minutes, and beat not only both campaigns, but had also earned 190 of the 200 available gamerscore. most of the achievements are awarded for completing campaign objectives, with the only exception being 10GS for winning a multiplayer game.

As I mentioned before, Borland pops up between levels and upgrades your T Rex with cybernetic enhancements, like robotic legs and a nose-blade for cutting through buildings. He also upgrades your Doritos truck with things like nitros tanks and a snow-plow looking deal. By the time I finished the last level my truck looked like a cross between Christopher Nolan's Batmobile and a steam locomotive. The T Rex looked like some horrible experiment gone wrong ("It's not as nature intended, it's better!").

The gameplay is fun, frantic, and ridiculous. The environments are fully destructible, which makes playing as the T Rex a lot of fun. The truck levels aren't as interesting, but are more challenging.

Overall Doritos: Dash of Destruction is a fun, albeit short game, which will more than likely leave you satisfied. You also can't beat the price - it's free. And in the time it took you to read this review, you could have earned about 50GS.

Tideland

2008-12-18T13:41:00.001-05:00

An amazing thing, the mind of a child is...

Directed by: Terry Gilliam
Starring: Jodelle Ferland, Jeff Bridges, Brendan Fletcher

I'm going to tell you what the director himself will tell you in a short introduction before the movie: Many of you are not going to like this film. A Southern Gothic yarn about a young girl named Jeliza-Rose, the movie goes to many dark places in a very realistic manner. So, without further ado:

At its core, Tideland is a story of innocence, of the horrific world of Jeliza-Rose's reality refracted (as it so often is) through the lens of childhood. Everything is full of wonder and danger, and imagination rules all. Her only friends are a quartet of Barbie doll heads, which she puts on her fingers and goes on adventures with. Jeliza-Rose is taken by her washed-out, junkie/rock star father to an old, run-down farmhouse in Texas. She meets a strange woman and her mentally damaged brother, and from there, things get weirder and weirder. The increasingly disturbing events wash over Jeliza-Rose as she reinvents her world to better serve her need for escapism. The story is draws parallels to the more recent Guillermo del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth, as a girl with no stake or power in the real world becomes the heroine of her daydreams. That having been said, Tideland is far more realistic than Labyrinth for the most part, and much more unsettling. The apocalyptic finale is one of the best endings to a movie I've seen in years.

The actors are all top-notch talent. You might remember Jodelle Ferland from her later work as Alessa in the Silent Hill screen adaptation. Her portrayal of the innocent and imaginative Jeliza-Rose is second to very few performances I've seen recently. Jeff Bridges brings his wide and considerable talents to the screen as the father, and let me just say his performance for most of the movie is...interesting. I don't want to give everything away up front, but know that this film is weird. Another diamond in the unknown rough is Brendan Fletcher, playing the retarded and epileptic Dickens. I'm not sure how much of a compliment it is to praise an actor for portraying a handicapped person (the Academy does, however), but this guy fucking nails it. The mannerisms, the expressions, the dialogue...everything is perfect with his character.

A hallmark of Gilliam's films is his unflinching commitment to his vision. Tideland continues this tradition with fantastic, surreal cinematography and use of the physical landscape both within the farmhouse and surrounding it. He draws out the decayed beauty of the rustic American South motif, magnified by Jeliza-Rose's perception of it. Even the juxtaposition of the adorable Jodelle against the rotting, almost dystopian backdrop gives the film a vicious bipolar dichotomy that is as much felt as it is seen.

In short, this film is brave and imaginative. After chewing on the same predictable shit for the past couple of years (another summer, another ten romantic comedies), I'm glad I stepped outside my comfort zone and watched something that didn't give a shit about how many seats were sold. Now, my comfort zone is fairly wide, though, so if you consider yourself squeamish with a movie that introduces themes that flirt openly and dangerously with pedophilia and other taboos, this is not the film for you. It won't be the film for most people. For those of you wanting to try something new, and it may involve actual effort, rent something else, try to stick with Tideland to the end, and if you can't at least you've got another movie to fall back on without having to make another trip. Worth watching for the Alice in Wonderland elements, an innocent but unsettling trip through a child's mind, or to impress/disgust that pretentious filmo girl you've been trying to get with/away from.

Dune (2000)

2008-12-17T14:42:00.000-05:00

Now with 30% more shai-hulud!

Directed by: John Harrison
Starring: William Hurt, Ian McNeice

Let's not beat around the bush here: the Sci-Fi Channel Dune miniseries is better than the 1984 David Lynch film. Is it much better? [makes high-pitched "eeeeh" noise]

The obvious advantage of converting a book such as Frank Herbert's Dune into a miniseries rather than a movie is that it gives you more time to cram more stuff from the book into it. The writers have, to what I am sure is your great relief, managed to accomplish this. Events unfold at a much more methodical and easy-to-follow pace over the course of the four-hour epic, and we are treated to many scenarios that were either clipped or omitted entirely in a more unabridged format. One major ommission, however, is the knowledge of the traitor Dr. Yueh. While in the book the reader knew from the outset who Yueh was and that he was the betrayer of House Atreides, the miniseries only gives a few chances to ascertain even who Dr. Yueh is. This makes the actual moment of betrayal much less impacting, as you might imagine.

Further removing the impact of the movie are the sets. While I realize that on a television miniseries one only has so much to work with, I feel like something more could have been done to make Arrakis look more open and like a living planet. There are scenes that are so blatantly done against a green screen as to be cringeworthy. It doesn't help that many of the costumes are almost insultingly stupid-looking. I almost prefer the gigantic eyebrows of the Mentats in the 1984 version to the Barney-the-Dinosaur-schemed getup Thufir Hawat dons in the miniseries. Emperor Corrino looks like he's wearing coffee filters on his shoulders in the final scene, and in general the costumes are too gaudy to be taken seriously. A refreshing exception are the stillsuits of the Fremen, which make sense in their design, so much so that one might even be able to guess at their function having not even read the book. Another element of the novels that is gratefully done well is the sandworms, who look completely badass, if a little out of place.

William Hurt is a great actor, and he brings his talents to the character of Duke Leto Atreides, portraying a compassionate, wise and emotional man in great form. The supporting characters are less apt at making their intent and emotions known through their performance, and the movie suffers from it. Ian McNeice plays a far more competent Baron Vladimir Harkonnen than his predecessor, practically disappearing into the role of a scheming, cunning adversary that can actually be quite frightening in his shrewd knowledge of how the game of power is played.

An unusual change from the novel is the addition of an entire subplot starring Princess Irulan, in this rendition played by English actress Julie Cox. Her prominence in the series is meant to set up for her growing role in the coming sequels, but her stiff acting doesn't carry the weight of her character's importance. She seems more like Jasmine from Aladdin, the pampered girl who wants to see outside the walls of the palace garden for once, and that's just not who she is; not in Dune, at least.

It's a fantastic attempt, and it is of course a better adaptation than the Lynch iteration, but it struggles under its budget and its supporting actors. Dune fanatics looking for the Holy Grail might be better off sticking with the books, waiting for a competent director to pick it up and turn it into the desert epic it was meant to be. Worth watching for McNeice's performance as the Baron to scrub McMillan's adaptation from your mind, some truly neat CGI sequences, and Paul Atreides actually owning the fuck out of the powers that be like he was supposed to.

World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War

2008-12-16T20:11:00.000-05:00

“The Zombie War came unthinkably close to eradicating humanity. Driven by the need to preserve the first hand experiences from those apocalyptic years, while they still exist in living memory, Max Brooks traveled across the planet to find and record the testimony of men, women, and sometimes children who came face to face with the living – or at least, the undead – hell of that terrible time.”

In 2003 The Zombie Survival Guide was published. The tongue-in-cheek “survival manual”, written by Max Brooks, equipped the reader with necessary information on how to endure outbreaks of “Solanum” (the zombie-making disease) to varying degrees of intensity. From isolated incidents to global pandemic, The Zombie Survival Guide contained all the information that a thinking human being would need to avoid being conscripted into the ranks of the undead.

In 2006, World War Z was released, a follow up to Survival Guide in which Max Brooks’ image of the zombie takes on a far darker, more serious tone. The proper title of the volume is World War Z: An Oral History of The Zombie War, and is often abbreviated as WWZ. This review specifically deals with an unabridged audio version of the book.

From the start of the introduction (quoted above) the listener has a pretty good idea of what to expect. This is a book which, while obviously fictional, does an excellent job of convincing you that this stuff actually happened. The story of the Zombie War plays out as a series of interviews with people who managed to survive the plague. Every story is told in the first person, and Brooks does an excellent job of portraying each character as an individual, with their own unique ways of speaking. The use of slang and other defining traits are prominent, and one gets the impression that this is a personal, authentic account.

The audio version stars a full cast of voice actors, featuring Brooks as himself. The stories of foot soldiers, refugees, scientists, and politicians are all conveyed as you think they should be. From the swearing and laid back demeanor of the veteran infantryman(“Yeah, come on Zack, let’s ****in’ do this”), to the practiced English of the Chinese doctor, it becomes easy to immerse yourself in the life of a human being on post-zombie Earth.

One story which I particularly enjoyed was that of an English artist, interviewed while sketching a medieval castle. He talks briefly about castles and their history – what made them useful, and why they were no longer practical as a means of defense against outside attack. He then goes on to tell how many restored castles became refuges during the plague, with hundreds of humans held up inside, fending off Zack (the nickname given to zombies in general) with firearms as long as the ammunition held out. He then explains how when the bullets were all gone, they resorted to using the antique medieval weapons which were on display inside the castle. The man being interviewed expresses his fondness for the claymore, and carries the blade at his side as he recounts his experiences.

This is one example of how Brooks takes the pop-culture zombie and fuses it with the real world. His portrayal of human ingenuity and the will to survive are convincing and intriguing, told in a way that makes you ask yourself, “what would I do?”

Things that you might not have considered previously concerning a zombie outbreak are key points in the story, from religious viewpoints, economic consequences, where one is likely to find safety, and so on, are all examined in a way that gives life to an otherwise overplayed premise. This is not Resident Evil, Shaun of the Dead or I Am Legend. This is all three rolled into one, lacking in neither humor nor epic scale.

If I were to give World War Z a numerical rating, it would be a high one. Little can be found to complain about here, and if you’re a fan of zombie stories, or just cool stuff in general, this is something you’ll want to check out.

(According to Wikipedia, a film adaptation is in the works, and is being produced by Brad Pitt’s Plan B Entertainment. Production is supposedly set to begin sometime during 2009)

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

2008-12-16T12:39:00.000-05:00

Hold on, let me get some breakfast first...of the Dead

Directed by: Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen)
Starring: Sarah Polley, Ving Rhames, Mekhi Phifer

George A. Romero is credited with creating the zombie apocalypse genre of film with his seminal 1968 independent flick Night of the Living Dead. He followed Night with Dawn, and then Day. Now, Zack Snyder helms the remake of Romero's classic Dawn of the Dead. Is it good? Does it live up to the expectations of Romero's fanbase? What is this whole zombie apocalypse thing about, anyway. Answers to all these questions and more will be revealed in...Review of the Dawn of the Dead!

The answer to the first question is: Yes, Dawn is an extremely entertaining and at times pulse-pounding ACTION THRILL RIDE like it might say on the back of the DVD case. The slow "shamblers" of the Romero original are replaced by oh-my-fuck-close-the-door "runners" akin to victims of 28 Days Later's rage virus. This lends them a much more concentrated fear factor per individual zombie and makes even single-zombie sequences much more tense. The characters of the film have a kind of distilled realism that is thrown into sharp relief against the unnatural circumstances they are thrust into. Flaws are exposed and put to use to create a great dynamic and chemistry between the survivors. Humor and drama are suitably balanced, with most of the comic relief coming in the form of Steve, who I dub Sir Steve the Douchebag, for his unflinching commitment to being an asshole even in the face of apocalyptic death. The ending, the true ending of the movie, is a refreshing change of pace from the more watered-down and palatable mass-marketed horror endings of our time. Oh wow, hey, the cure is in Vermont! Hooray for God telling me humanity won! Yay humanity!

Visually, the movie excels on almost every level. A change from softer, more cinematic lighting and film technique into a harsher, desaturated and very guerilla-esque shooting style over the course of the picture depicts a confusing and frightening worldwide situation descending into something much more personal and desperate. The makeup on the zombies is painstaking, and a multitude of extras instill the army of undead with real life and energy that's refreshing in the days of overused and overwrought CGI.

One area the film might suffer is in its changing of the Romero style. The original film's shambling zombies represented more of an encroaching, ever-growing, and ultimately inevitable threat, slowly driving barricaded survivors over the edge with tension and grief. What's more, they represented the dog-eat-dog capitalist nature and the oppression of something. Whatever. I'm not sure what the point Romero was trying to make back in 1968 and 1978 was, but I'm sure it is weakened by the change in state of the zombies. Or, perhaps not. The new faster zombies can stand for the blistering pace with which the mass-marketing machine ensnares its consumers, hunting target demographicsdown with ruthless speed. The bites represent turning consumers into marketing platforms themselves effectively killing who they once were, and the rotting flesh represents how the goal of capitalism is ultimately flawed and corrupt. There, you happy? I can draw parallels too.

My main point is that this movie is fun to watch. It might lack whatever subtle symbolism the Romero original had, and its zombies might run fast or whatever, but I'm down for that. That just makes them scarier, and this is a horror movie, so that's a good thing. The movement of the cinematography is subtle and the visuals will impress throughout. Foremost, it will entertain. It's not the smartest film in the world, and it doesn't pretend to be. If you're looking for a great addition to your horror or action library, look no further than Snyder's Dawn of the Dead. Go on, give in to the consumerist agenda...